Thursday, August 4, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3x01 Roundtable: A Storm's a Brewin' [Contributors: Rae, Rebecca, Alisa, Patti, and Chelsea]

It's the middle of a long summer and everyone is starting to go a little bit crazy from the heat, which means that Bachelor in Paradise is debuting right on time. This week, the first people arrive in Paradise and storm of crazy quickly follows. See what Rae, Rebecca, Alisa, special guest Patti Murin, and Chelsea had to say about the first episode of Bachelor in Paradise.

Well, the first couples coupled up, at least for a minute. What do you think of Izzy and Vinny, and Chad and Lace — and Chad’s supposed departure?

Rae: Of course Chad and Lace got together! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. They are definitely the friends that ruin every party with a giant fight and then get back together the next day. In real life I would hate it, but on Bachelor in Paradise, I hate to say, it kind of works. I mean, Chad is terrible, and possibly an alcoholic. But BIP knew what it was doing when they invited him just to kick him off, that’s for sure. One episode is about all I can handle of Chad.

Izzy and Vinny were cute, and even though we didn’t see much of Vinny during JoJo’s season, he seems great.

Rebecca: YES. I was here for Chad and Lace. They’re strangely perfect for each other, but in the worst way possible. They’re both loud, obnoxious, careless, and crazy (the bad kind of crazy). They were a trainwreck, and it was great while it lasted. But Chad is gone, and good riddance — he may have been entertaining, but he’s a misogynistic butthole who makes me seethe with anger.

As far as Izzy and Vinny — I had no idea who Izzy was, and I also had no idea who Vinny was until his mom stole the show at The Men Tell All. They seem cute, and I’m excited to get to know them better.

Alisa: Izzy doesn’t even go here! I mean, seriously, does anyone actually remember her or are we just taking the producers' word for it that she was on Ben’s season? All the other contestants got cute little flashbacks to their time in the mansion and being rejected, but I’ve seen no photographic evidence that Izzy was part of the Bachelorverse previously. But I suppose she and Vinny make an all right couple? Neither are memorable which could just mean they’re the sanest two people on BIP.

Chad and Lace are scary. I’m glad Lace stood up to Chad’s horribleness and walked away (eventually). And as much as I appreciate a drama-filled BIP season, Chad needs to go. Like, really go and not come back. He was bordering on abusive and of all the unhealthy misogynistic things the Bachelor franchise supports, I am not here for that.

Patti: Izzy and Vinny can go and have babies right now, for all I care. I vaguely remember him, and she doesn’t ring a single bell. I Googled it, and I guess she was the one who came in wearing a onesie and said, “I hope I’m on the onesie for you.” Sooooooo there’s that.

Chad and Lace were a tornado of the most violent, epic proportions. I felt really bad for her once she realized she couldn’t control the situation anymore, and had already gotten in way over her head. I was, however, really impressed with how sober everyone else stayed while the two of them raged around!

Chelsea: They’ve really set up Nick and Amanda so far as a couple to root for. I was a big Amanda fan during her run on Ben’s season (she was too good for that basic boy). I have no history with Nick, but I’ve been told I need to go watch him in Kaitlyn’s season. They really played up his losing and heartbreak. Vinny and Izzy were super cute. I guess Izzy was eliminated night one on Ben’s season, and I’m glad she’s sticking around longer. She seems sane enough so far. Vinny was always cute on JoJo’s season, though never a real contender. It’s nice seeing them paired off.

I’ve been waiting for Chad and Lace since we found out he was going to Paradise and it was even worse than I could have ever imagined. You know those producers were praising every deity when they schemed to get those two together. I’m really glad that Amanda, Emily, Haley, and Nick were nearby to kind of keep an eye on Lace. I was so worried for her when she left Ben’s season. She needed some me time to get it together, and partnering her with Chad is the opposite of getting it together. Plus, Chad’s heart belongs to Daniel.

Who were you excited to see come to paradise? Who else do you want to show up?

Rebecca: On a I-want-to-be-entertained-by-this-hot-mess kind of way, I was excited to see Chad and Lace. On a serious note, I was happy to see Amanda, Sarah, Jubilee, and Jared. I feel like the three of them are genuinely kind people who are sincere and I want them to find someone. We all know Ashley I. is going to make an appearance, which will shake things up. I’d also like to see Chase from JoJo’s season. I know a lot of people (including myself) found him forgettable at times, but he’s cute and seems like a decent guy. BIP could be more up his alley. Oh, and was Daniel this much of a jerk on The Bachelorette? I don’t remember him being this horrible. He’s as bad as Chad to me.

Alisa: I was super excited to see Jubilee! I’m still bummed they gave the Bachelorette crown to JoJo (WHO SQUANDERED IT) instead of Jubilee, so I’m really hoping she can find love in paradise. She deserves all the happiness! I wish she hadn’t set her focus solely on Jared though. I do not see the fascination with him. He looks like the pale, sullen offspring of Clark Kent and a vampire, and I am not about that. And he needs to give up on his dreams of beardedness. Jared, some men just can’t grow a beard and that’s OKAY. You can stop trying now. I think Amanda and Sarah are super sweet, too, so I’m glad to see them here. I would love to see Christian from JoJo’s season show up because I thought he was super cute and sweet and has an interesting backstory, which we barely got to see because JoJo dismissed him so fast.

Also, echoing Rebecca — Daniel is seriously the biggest jerk! Calling the women “washed up street dogs” makes him just as bad as Chad in my book. Maybe worse because instead of being upfront with his jerkness, he just did it behind everyone’s back, knowing full well it would be aired on national television. Denigrating women does not make you witty. It makes you unattractive. No surprise why he’s single and I hope he stays that way forever.

Chelsea: I just want to point this out before I get started — 60% sure it’s Haley but will we ever know? My best friend has a twin, and I can promise that not all twins have identical personalities. It’s not really a thing. 

I was super excited to see Amanda and the twins. I have a limited knowledge of past contestants since the Ben and JoJo seasons are my only experience in this franchise. I’m curious to see Lace’s journey since I worry about her so much. Carly and Sarah seem nice and I liked them sticking up to Chad. I’m excited to see Wells, Caila, Christian, and Lauren H. come to paradise. They all were super sweet and fun.

Am I the only one over Chad? I really do not enjoy having him on my screen at all. He’s too much toxic masculinity and it’s not even the fun trainwreck to watch. Pretty, pretty please let his departure stick. Daniel is only funny to have around to make fun of Chad. Those two are basically soulmates.

Rae: Chelsea, I hate that the twins are treated as one unit! If anyone is thinking that maybe ABC feels a little bad about airing all the sexist things the contestants say, they only have to look to ABC’s treatment of the twins to know that ABC feels super great about being sexist. Can we at least pretend to care to know which one is speaking? And why do they both have to stick around if someone likes one of them? It’s icky, and I don’t like it, but I like Haley and Emily a lot! My fave line of the night was “she doesn’t like high fives.” 

I think Daniel is definitely a jerk, but I also think he is too dumb to realize what he's saying. Which absolutely doesn't make it okay but does make it more entertaining, in my book. Daniel is another thing that only works in BIP, where disasters go to flourish. I also like that he is the only one who tries to go in to neutralize Chad. Evan may say that's what he's doing, but we know he just wants to pick a fight.

Patti: I was excited for Jared to come back again, hoping that maybe this year he actually has a chance of finding love after that disaster that was Ashley I. Do we think she’s lost her virginity yet? Also, I love seeing that Caila is going to be there. They owe her a husband after taking The Bachelorette crown away from her! AND as crazy as this sounds, cause I know he supposedly emotionally abused Andi, but I’m glad that Josh is there. A sexy man who maybe could seem ready for love? I’m in.

And YES I was so happy to see the twins, but I agree with everyone above about them being treated as one person! Why do they let that happen? Why if one gets a rose does the other automatically get to stay, too? Now we will never learn to tell them apart. And what does the guy do with both twins? Besides the obvious, of course. GROSS.

Chris Harrison has said there are two proposals this season. Even though new people come every week, do you have any predictions for who they could be after the first episode?

Rebecca: I can’t tell just yet. I think it’s too early, but I tried to guess based on voices when I watched the commercials. It seems to me like Nick makes one of the proposals.

Alisa: Too early to tell. It’s still anyone’s game but I’m sure Nick will make a proposal. That boy falls in love faster than Chad can whip up a protein shake. I’m guessing the other proposal will be from someone who isn’t here yet because I really don’t see any of these current guys being ready for that kind of commitment.

Chelsea: Nick seems like a really obvious pick for the proposal. They’ve set him up to be the leading man of the show. It’s a pretty weak selection of guys so far. I think all the nice ones are yet to come.

Rae: Nick reminds me so much of one of my ex-boyfriends, and I have similar feelings about them both: I hope they find happiness far away from me (and my television screen). If he does get engaged this season, that means he will probably be around a lot longer, but at least he wouldn’t be back on any more seasons of The Bachelorette.

Patti: I think Nick will be one, and I’m preeeeeetty sure Josh is the other. I don’t know why, I just am. Although one of those voices saying “yes” to a proposal sounded like Ashley I., and after the teaser with her and Wells hitting it off and discussing babies (???), maybe that’s the final crazy loop of this season of BIP. I mean, I’m not one for televised weddings, but Ashley I. planning a wedding? I AM IN!


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