“Monster in the Closet”
Original Airdate: November 15, 2016
When Pimento regroups with the rest of the precinct, they all ask the legitimate question of where he’s been all this time. After all, Figgis has been locked up for over a month, so Pimento could have returned at any point. He tells them he was in prison in Uzbekistan, where he was tortured for smuggling goods to a rebel group. Alrighty then.
When Rosa and Pimento finally get to reconnect, they kiss rather violently and then make a decision: they’re going to pick their relationship up where they left off and get married tomorrow. Amy is tasked with pulling off a beautiful wedding in under 24 hours, and if anyone’s up to the challenge, it’s her.
Meanwhile, Pimento pulls Jake aside to ask for a favor. Before he went into hiding, he pawned his grandmother’s ruby earrings — ones she wore at her own wedding, and he needs to get them back. Only problem, he pawned them at a shop six hours away. Jake is dubious they can get there and back in time for the wedding but Pimento insists. Jake recruits Gina to go with them, since Gina’s the only person Pimento’s afraid of.
Unfortunately, when they get to the pawn shop, they discover it’s been burned to the ground. Pimento believes this is a sign from the universe and declares that the wedding is off. Jake tries to convince him that signs from the universe aren’t real but Gina agrees that the marriage is cursed. Jake works out a compromise — what if someone bought the earrings before the shop burned down? Then all they need to do is track that person down and buy back the earrings. If they can’t find that person, then Pimento can take it as a sign and call off the wedding. So, they locate the pawn shop owner but she says the earrings were still in the shop when it burned and didn’t survive the fire.
Pimento notices, however, that the pawn shop lady is wearing a necklace he also pawned and quickly deduces that the owners burned down their shop for the insurance money but kept all the goods. He breaks into an upstairs window and quickly locates the earrings. After a slight scuffle with the owners, they’re off, earrings in hand. Gina also managed to procure a rain stick, which she is delighted about. Unfortunately, before they get too far down the road, Jake’s car breaks down. Pimento declares this another sign from the universe that the wedding should not go on.
Things aren’t going any better back at the precinct. Amy’s having a hard time getting everyone to fall in line with their wedding planning duties. Terry is a nervous mess, Boyle forgot to put sugar in the recipe he’s whipping up, and Holt has decided the wedding needs a giant balloon arch, which directly contradicts Amy’s vision. Also, Rosa’s drunk. Amy had told her to sit back and relax and drink peach Bellinis, but Rosa drinks way too many. Boyle takes it upon himself to sober her up, but before he can mix up his specialty (horse milk and cayenne pepper), she asks why he and Genevieve aren’t married, and Boyle tells her through tears that Genevieve doesn’t want to get married because of the bad divorce she just went through. Soon they’re both drinking Bellinis and Boyle becomes just as drunk as she is.
Amy sends Terry in to sober them up while she breaks it to Holt that his balloon arch is ugly. Terry fails at his mission, however. While talking to Rosa about her estranged relationship with her father, he becomes sad himself about the idea of his daughters growing up and no longer needing him. Next thing you know, Terry’s drunk too. Amy comes looking for Rosa and finds Terry, Boyle, Rosa and Holt all drunk and sad. She enlists Hitchcock and Scully’s help to sober them up by spraying them with fire extinguishers.
Just then Jake, Pimento and Gina arrive back. After Jake’s car broke down, they procured a plane and flew back. Amy and Jake discuss their frustrations from the day and realize that Pimento calling off the wedding three times and Rosa getting completely wasted were signs neither of them actually want to get married.
While the guests are seated and waiting for the wedding to begin, Jake pulls Pimento aside and Amy pulls Rosa aside to have some difficult conversations. Both Pimento and Rosa realize they don’t actually want to get married. They announce to the guests that even though they love each other, they will not be getting married today. They will, however, be keeping all the gifts. Their relationship will continue (much to my dismay), but they’ll start with going on a real date first and slowly work up to marriage.
The next day, Rosa stops by Holt’s office to thank him for everything he did yesterday. He’s hesitant to let her in but she bursts through the door and discovers he has placed the balloon arch over his desk. This is her first time seeing it and she declares it magnificent. Holt feels vindicated.
It’ll be interesting to see how long Pimento sticks around. I’m really hoping he and Rosa’s relationship fizzles out sooner rather than later because there are few characters on television that I detest more than the super creepy and psychotic Pimento.
Bullets on the Bulletin Board:
- “I don’t know what he was so scared about. If I was there to kill him, he never would have heard me.” “A thing you told him several times.”
- “You’re not a cop.” “Well, you’re not the basis of a character on Empire but I don’t throw that in your face every day.”
- “Come on, they’re just earrings, right? We can get another pair, or we can make some new ones. All we need is like a blacksmith or a smelter. A smelt-man. That can’t be right.”
- “Wow. You really made the balloon arch.” “Made? No. I birthed her. There is no form more graceful than the arch. No object more whimsical than the balloon.”
- “I’m not sure you know how pawn shops work.” “I’m not sure YOU know how pawn shops work — yours burned down.”
- “I’m working on my vows. Hey, what rhymes with ‘juicy heiny’?” “Nothing, nothing rhymes with that, I would cut that line.” “But that’s all I have.”