“Two Turkeys”
Original Airdate: November 21, 2017
On this season’s Thanksgiving episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Jake and Amy are celebrating the day with both sets of parents in the same room for the very first time. They’re pretty nervous about it because Amy’s parents are intimidating and controlling and Jake’s are flighty and prone to drunkenness.
Things get off to a rough start when Jake’s mom greets the Santiagos with “Feliz Thanksgiving” and Amy’s mom shows up with her own turkey “just in case.” Then, Jake’s dad emerges from the bedroom with no pants on and proceeds to chat it up about the woes of holiday travel.
Things are pretty tense at the precinct, too. Captain Holt and his husband, Kevin, have come in carrying a fancy English Walnut pie from the Cottage Inn in Saratoga Springs. They drove all the way upstate for it — an annual tradition for them — and they plan to bring it to Kevin’s parents’ house later that evening for Thanksgiving dinner. But then the pie disappears! Holt is furious when no one fesses up and determines to unveil the culprit.
While Holt puts his detective skills to work, things have gone from bad to worse at the Santiago-Peralta dinner. When the conversation turns awkward, Jake and Amy try to turn it to some of their pre-determined topics that both sets of parents have in common. First, they try talking about painting, which both Jake and Amy’s mothers do. Unfortunately, Jake’s mom paints bowls and furniture while Amy’s mom paints on canvas, and both feel the other’s medium is inferior.
Jake tries desperately to turn the conversation to golf, which both fathers enjoy. Except, his father says he’s never played golf in his life. Jake’s confused because he vividly remembers his father going to play golf every Sunday during his childhood. His mom confides to the group that what Jake is really remembering is what his father said as an excuse to leave the house and cheat on his mom. With no other safe topics on the horizon, they brainstorm in the kitchen about what they can do to ease the tension. Board games are out they decide, because both fathers are extremely competitive.
Finally, they turn to alcohol in hopes of getting everyone drunk enough that they all get along. Back at the precinct, Holt has had his office dusted for prints and reviewed his security camera. There were no prints and the footage was obscured, which means whoever did this thought it through. Therefore, Hitchcock and Scully are off the hook. But that still leaves Boyle, Terry, and Rosa as suspects. Holt interrogates them one by one, but they all have airtight alibies. Holt decides to put Hitchcock and Scully’s detective skills — which are only good for food-related crimes — to work.
Over at Jake and Amy’s Thanksgiving dinner, things are looking up. They have successfully gotten both sets of parents drunk, and Amy’s dad even broke out some Cuban rum. With spirits high, he welcomes the Peraltas to the family and toasts Jake and Amy. Jake’s dad follows with his own toast. But then Amy’s dad stands up to make a second toast and it’s clear the dads are getting competitive over who can make the best toast.
As the one-upping continues, Amy’s dad offers Jake his grandfather’s watch and says he’s now officially part of the family. Not to be outdone, Jake’s dad tells them he will pay for their wedding and that Amy is now officially his daughter. Amy’s dad says it’s the bride’s family’s responsibility to pay for the wedding so they will pay. They finally agree on splitting it, but then Amy’s mom says that’s probably for the best given the Peraltas “financial situation,” and the tension is back in full force! To make matters worse, Jake and Amy each blame each other’s parents for things going downhill and begin fighting with each other.
Meanwhile, Holt has unraveled one mystery only to reveal another. Hitchcock and Scully found the pie, uneaten, thrown into the trashcan. They’re all horrified and wonder who could have committed such a heinous act. It would be understandable if such a rare and delicious pie had been eaten. But to throw it away like garbage? Holt must get to the bottom of this. When Kevin comes by the precinct later to pick him up, Holt confronts him. He realized that Kevin’s the only one who could have thrown the pie away. Kevin admits he did, and says that he actually thinks the pie is disgusting and couldn’t bear to bring it to his parents’ house. But, he also loves his and Holt’s annual trip up to Saratoga Springs to get the pie and didn’t want to lose that. Holt says they can still do an annual drive upstate, even if there’s no pie involved.
Jake and Amy have finally corralled their parents and are about to start Thanksgiving dinner. But first, the fathers are arguing about who is the better turkey carver. Fortunately, thanks to Amy’s mom there are two turkeys, so both fathers can test out their skills and prove their superiority.
Unfortunately, while carving his turkeys and simultaneously shouting insults across the table, Jake’s dad manages to slice off his own thumb, which spurts blood everywhere. They rush him to the hospital where the nurse says it will be a while before they can tend to his father. That’s when Amy’s father steps in and says that’s unacceptable and they will take care of Jake’s dad NOW. Thinking he’s dying, Jake’s father admits that he’s fathered several other children and Jake has some half-siblings he never knew about. Jake’s not sure how to feel about that, but tells his dad he definitely can’t die now because he needs more information on this.
It turns out Jake’s dad will be just fine, though. Once they stitch the thumb back on, the two dads apologize to each other and even share an awkward hug, just like Jake and Amy always dreamed.
Even though it was a dramatic and stressful Thanksgiving, it all turned out all right in the end and Jake got the big family Thanksgiving he always wanted. And who knows, if Jake manages to track down all these half-siblings, next year may be an even bigger celebration.
Bullets on the Bulletin Board:
- “I wouldn’t say I’m controlling. I would say I’m Type A. You should write Type A there instead of controlling.”
- “Hola! Feliz Thanksgiving. Jake told me you were Cuban.” “Yes, I did, and I regret it.”
- “This doesn’t have to be a big deal. Whoever took the pie, come forward, and all will be forgiven.” *silence* “Smart. You knew I would never forgive you.”
- “Who wants to hear a joke?” “You mean like a riddle? Because I love riddles.” “No, I mean like a joke-joke where I say it and you laugh.” “No, then I’m not interested.”
- “So you think I became a cop just so I could steal your pie?” “Your words, not mine.”
- “Here’s what we need from you: a list of the pie’s ingredients.” “We’re looking for anything that might linger on someone’s breath.” “We need surveillance footage from the water fountain. The crumb consistency was dry. Whoever ate it is gonna be thirsty.” “Now what kind of crimped edge are we dealing with here? U-shaped or V?”
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