“The Negotiation”
Original Airdate: March 25, 2018
On the latest episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a jewelry heist goes wrong and turns into a hostage situation. The Nine-Nine gets the call that Jake has been asked to be the negotiator. The thief has asked for him by name, so Jake and Rosa head down to the jewelry store. When they arrive, the real, trained negotiator is there. His name is Dennis and he’s not happy that after 10 years as a negotiator, he has his first hostage situation only to see it taken away because some criminal wants someone else.
After having to endure Dennis’ bitter tirade, Jake’s finally able to head into the store to confront the thief, only to find out it’s none other than... Doug Judy! Also known as the Pontiac Bandit and Jake’s long-time frenemy (played by the hilarious Craig Robinson).
Meanwhile, back at the precinct, Holt asks for Terry’s help. Holt’s vying for the Commissioner’s gig and a member of the nominating committee is coming in to tour the Nine-Nine. He asks Terry to speak with her, but when she arrives, she doesn’t want to speak to a sergeant. She wants to speak to a detective so she can learn more about Holt’s management style directly from his subordinates. She spots Hitchcock at his desk and asks to interview him. After a brief moment of panic Holt haltingly says he’s fine with that. Hitchcock, of course, just happens to be in the middle of shaving at his desk — both his face and his sandwich which he is simultaneously eating, because why not.
She schedules the interview for after lunch, so that gives Terry and Holt time to try to My Fair Lady Hitchcock into some semblance of a normal human being. It works and Hitchcock actually does a great job of representing the Nine-Nine and making Holt look good. Terry and Holt tell him that he could always act like this normally every day, but no. Hitchcock’s happy to go back to being his gross self now that his work is done.
Back at the hostage situation, Jake is catching up with Judy. It seems Judy really did go straight after their last interaction, but got pulled into this jewelry heist against his will. Back when he was still stealing cars, he unknowingly stole the car of a dangerous drug dealer named Martin Holloway. When he realized his mistake, he torched the car, not knowing there were millions of dollars’ worth of drugs that were in the trunk. Holloway just found out it was Judy and is threatening to kill Judy’s mom if he doesn’t go through with the heist for him. Jake decides he’ll help Judy out.
Jake heads back out to fill Rosa and Dennis in on his plan. But Dennis isn’t buying it. He thinks Judy is lying and refuses to deal. So Jake heads back in and he and Judy craft their own plan. Judy pretends to take Jake hostage and tells the police outside that no one comes in or Jake dies. Dennis is pretty happy because this means he’s back to being the hostage negotiator. But not so fast! Judy now says he’ll only speak to Rosa. Rosa heads in and Jake gets her up to speed. She’s convinced Judy will double cross Jake after this is all through but agrees to help anyway, in order to save Judy’s mom.
Meanwhile, it’s opening day for Boyle’s food truck! Amy and Gina stop by to see how it’s going, only to learn that his two employees called in sick. They offer to help but it turns out Boyle is pretty impossible to work with. He demands they call him “Chef” and screams at them for not cutting the sandwich bread perfectly. They finally quit and storm out on Boyle. As they’re leaving, he admits that his first two employees didn’t call in sick — they quit too because they couldn’t deal with his tirades. Later that evening, Boyle finds Amy and Gina in the precinct and apologizes. They accept his apology but tell him they’ll never work for him again which he agrees is probably wise.
Back at the jewelry store, Jake, Judy, and Rosa have set the plan in motion. They recruit Scully to bring in in food for the hostages. Dennis has put a camera on Scully (but no audio), and as soon as Scully gets in the door with the food, he fakes a heart attack and collapses.
While everyone’s distracted by the ambulance that arrives for Scully, Jake and Judy put on the police uniforms that were hidden in the food boxes Scully brought and escape out the back door. They head over to a karaoke bar. Judy’s friends with the owner so he knows they’ll be safe there. Since they have nothing else to do while they wait for Holloway to show up for the diamonds, they decide to sing karaoke.
When it comes time for the drop, just as Judy’s about to hand over the diamonds and Jake is about to spring into action and arrest Holloway, Dennis shows up! He’s tracked Jake’s phone and is about to ruin the take down. Holloway takes off and Jake pleads with Dennis to help. Dennis agrees, as long as he gets all the credit for the arrest. They corner Holloway and bring him in. Meanwhile, Judy disappears and he takes the diamonds with him! Rosa was right — Judy double-crossed Jake.
Jake calls him, still convinced Judy wouldn’t betray him. Judy picks up but tells him this is goodbye forever. He can’t change who he is at heart — a criminal. Jake faces a possible suspension for letting both Judy and the diamonds get away. As Holt’s letting him know and Jake’s discussing how bad he feels about the whole thing, he discovers a karaoke coupon in his mail. He heads back to the karaoke bar and discovers that Judy has left him a private video message.
Judy feels bad about betraying him and apologizes. He’s recorded Jake a CD of love songs for Jake and Amy since he won’t be able to sing at their wedding in person. He’s also bought a fancy cooking pot off of their wedding registry and it’s sitting in the karaoke room. But there’s still one last surprise: inside the pot are... the diamonds! Jake’s job is saved and so is his friendship with Judy.
Bullets on the Bulletin Board:
- “Here’s some advice: I don’t like you two.” “Not so much advice as a hurtful statement based on limited interaction.”
- “You have three hostages!” “You mean Pam and the two Bobs? They’re not hostages. I prefer to call them collateral friendships.”
- “I’m sorry, officer, are you friends with this criminal?” “No not really.” “Absolutely. Best friends.” “It’s a layered relationship.” “Best. Friends.”
- “Why are your hands so wet?” “Trick question! The answer’s disgusting so I shouldn’t tell her.” “Just don’t have wet hands.”
- “You know you should really look up the word ‘advice.’ I think you might be surprised by what you see.”
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