Wednesday, March 9, 2016

The Bachelor 20x10 Roundtable: Girl Talk [Contributors: Rae Nudson, Chelsea, Alisa Williams, Lizzie]

Instead of dates and fantasy suites, this week the castaways from Ben’s love life got together in the annual tradition that’s equivalent to happy hour with your best frenemies. There were chickens, arguments, and tears, so you know it was good. See below for what we thought of Women Tell All.

First things first: chicken. Yay or nay?

Rae: I am generally pro-pet chickens and would like to have some in the backyard for eggs and cuteness, but I find it highly unlikely Sheila enjoyed herself and can’t believe they kept her on that girl’s lap the entire time. On the other hand, it was excellent to see a chicken in the background when the women were talking.

Chelsea: Yay! Absolutely yay! That chicken had more personality than half the girls on that stage. I appreciate when it flew at Lace (and Lace in general). More chicken!

Alisa: I also appreciated when Gloria the Chicken took flight and tried to route her escape through Lace’s face. Good times. But, if they were going to open up the Women Tell All episode to chickens, they should have opened it up to the pony, too. But no, all the pony got was a couple scenes in the blooper reel. That hardly seems fair. On the other hand, I’m all about bringing your pets to work, and I guess for ladies who have occupations like “Twin,” “Cowgirl,” and “Unemployed,” this get-together is probably the closest thing to work they have in life.

Lizzie: Well, poor chicken, really. I liked the chicken, don’t get me wrong. Go chicken! Better the chicken than some of the girls. But... do we think the chicken had a good time? 

Did Olivia redeem herself?

Rae: Heck no. Olivia can still only seem to talk about Olivia and how unique and great she is and how she’s the victim, always. Look, I have a lot of empathy for people who are 23 and get in over their heads on national TV, but I am really over Olivia’s brand of belittling and ignoring other women, and then pretending you weren’t and you have no idea what they are talking about. Women like Olivia know exactly what they are doing, and this pretend lack of awareness isn’t cute. Why would not knowing you’re hurting people be a good excuse? It’s on you to listen, learn, and take responsibility. But look, I was 23 once too! And probably if I had gone on The Bachelor when I was too young and immature, I would also come off as a monster. My real question is, do you think she will go on Bachelor in Paradise? I loved that all the women used Olivia’s phrases right back at her, especially about “talking smart things.”

Chelsea: I don’t think so. She’s so full of herself. I do believe that her apology to Amanda was sincere though. She played the game really well and was a perfectly cast villain! She redeemed herself better than Leah did, but I don’t think she can come back from all the crap she pulled. At least she was a fun mess. Leah was boring and just lied to Ben to throw Lauren under the bus. Leah is the real worst. Olivia has personality and I want a spinoff roadtrip of her and Jubilee.

Alisa: After all the stuff she pulled, I don’t think it’s even possible for Olivia to redeem herself. She proved herself a master manipulator throughout the show, and so this new-found wide-eyed innocence at discovering people were hurt by things she said is NOT believable. I also didn’t appreciate how she tried to pull the bullying card, saying she was “severely bullied” when she was a child. If it’s true, then that’s awful, but it came off very insincere. And being bullied as a child is not an excuse for bullying other women as an adult. Like Rae said though, Olivia is still very young, and has a lot of growing up to do. I hope she does learn and grow from this experience because despite how utterly unlikable and cruel she was, she does seem to be a smart, talented woman who could use her powers for good if she tried.

Lizzie: No. Just, no. She was playing a part, the part of the “I didn’t mean to come off like that” and “I’m surprised people were hurt” and, I can’t even blame her for it. What ELSE was she gonna do? But understanding doesn’t mean I like her, or that she even came close to redeeming herself. 

Anything else you want to talk about? Go ahead: tell all!

Rae: Okay, did they really just take a picture with a guy who had Lace’s face tattooed on his body and then continue on as if nothing had happened? (That tattoo was fake though, right?) Lace seems like she’s doing better, maybe? Good for Lace.

The twins are everything, and I’m sorry I ever said a word against them. Their expressions and comments all night were on point.

Caila seemed a bit less scripted to me this time, but maybe she’s just gotten better at being interviewed on TV. I think that she will be the next Bachelorette, and I hope that the feisty Caila that jumped out of a car to confront Ben makes more of an appearance. Hopefully if we see more of Caila, we would see more different sides of her. Sometimes she was pretty funny when she was on the sidelines making quips, but that never seemed to come out when it was just her on camera. I still cannot believe that Ben told Caila that he was in love with two women, but not her. (In my mom’s words, “Ben is not very sophisticated about women.”) The face Ben’s mom makes in the previews is all our faces.

Chelsea: I am so excited to see Lace on Bachelor in Paradise, but that’s the worst thing she can do for herself. It’s gonna be a mess but I am so here for it. She should’ve been on the show longer.

Amanda is a cinnamon roll. I want to be her friend and she’s WAY too good for Ben. I love her friendship with the twins. Actual squad goals for a dumb dating reality show.

Jubilee totes redeemed herself and Chris Harrison can stop ganging up on her. Amy Schumer will get you!

Ben is just boring and I really don’t like him that much. I only like him when he’s around Jojo. He’s gonna ruin it but whatever. I’m still pulling for those kids. #ProtectJojo2k16!

Alisa: I love Lace, and though I agree with Chelsea that going on Bachelor in Paradise is a terrible idea, I will be watching every minute of it. I genuinely wish Lace the best though. I think she showed so much maturity removing herself from the Bachelor, and really seems to have used the experience to grow and learn (take notes, Olivia).

Looking back, I actually think there were quite a few really great women this season, and all of them way too good for Ben. Jubilee is a national treasure and I would love to see her made the next Bachelorette even though my guess is that bedazzled tiara is going to Caila.

The twins amuse me and I’m sure it’s only a matter of weeks before they sign with some obscure cable channel for their own reality show. They need to lay off all the velvet and rhinestones though. Staring at their outfits during the Women Tell All was like staring directly into the Las Vegas sun.

It surprised me to hear Ben’s announcement that he is officially engaged. I so badly want the plot twist to be that he’s officially engaged to both women. But in lieu of that, my guess is he’ll choose Lauren, they’ll be engaged for about six months, and then he’ll ruin it by being himself. Which is fine, really, because Lauren deserves better. Her break-up with Ben will be difficult, but it will pave the way for her to find real love, preferably with a bearded, flannel-clad Portlander who grinds his own organic, fair-trade coffee beans. Aim high, Lauren. Or at least higher than Ben.

Lizzie: I still like Jubilee the best — is that weird? I’m very firmly set on my opinions. The twins are so going to have a long career in reality TV. I’m pretty sure that was half the point of this whole exercise anyway. And Lace. Oh, Lace. Has Bachelor in Paradise ever been a good idea, for like, anyone? [Rae's note: #Janner4Eva]

Ugh. Ben. I remember when I liked him. Those were the days.


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