New Girl 6x14 Review: "The Hike" (Cousins and Party Disasters)

"The Hike"

Original Airdate: January 24, 2017

One of my best friends, Kate, told me a theory she had about relationships that I’ve cherished to this day. In every relationship, she said, there is a cat and a dog. What she meant by that wasn’t literal, of course. She meant that in well-functioning relationships, there’s always a balance between partners — one is generally more extroverted; one is more introverted. One is more outgoing; one is more reserved. This isn’t a hard-and-fast rule, of course, but I’ve found it to be pretty true as I’ve aged. The best romantic relationships I’ve witnessed happen between a cat (like my friend Kate, who prefers to be alone and has a handful of good, close relationships) and a dog (her husband, Kris, who is — as Kate says — rather like the dog from Up who meets you and immediately becomes your friend; he loves going places and doing things). That’s because relationships are all about balance. If you’re too similar, you’re essentially dating yourself. You don’t have anyone to challenge you, to think differently from you, or to push you. If, on the other hand, you’re too dissimilar, there’s a constant tension and conflict.

Jess has dated two kinds of people — those pretty similar to her (Robby, Paul, Ryan) and those dissimilar to her (Nick, Sam). I, personally, feel like Jess works best with Nick and always will. They’re dissimilar enough that they agree on certain things, while also disagreeing on others. The way “The Hike” ends with these two reminds us of that: of course Jess would hate everything but the raisins in the trail mix, and of course Nick would love the raisins. They complement one another perfectly. But this episode wasn’t about Nick and Jess — it was about Robby and Jess, and the fact that they discover they’re related (I know). Thankfully, this is only the B-plot and the A-plot revolves around Winston preparing a surprise homecoming party for Aly. It doesn’t go well.

THE PARTY HOUSE

I’ll be upfront and say that I’m disappointed because usually New Girl is stellar and solid, and the past two weeks have been disappointing. That’s not to say there weren’t elements of the episode that I appreciated — I loved getting the chance to watch Nick wax poetic about Winston, after all. But as a whole, “The Hike” was kind of a flop. Isolating Jess from the main story with Robby — whom we like, but really don’t care THAT much about — was a misstep.

Winston’s preparing for Aly’s return with a surprise party that features all of her family and friends. He initially plans for it to be at the loft, but Schmidt rejects that idea and notes that he can have the party at his and Cece’s new house. It’s still not totally done, but the few rooms that are can be used as a party space. Before everyone arrives, Schmidt and Cece decide that they’re going to ease up on the rules and lessen the reins a bit on controlling the party. They both want to be the house that’s fun, welcoming, and people want to return to. Schmidt, of course, is already having issues with being the “fun” house, considering how strict and rigid he is about behavior and cleanliness. But he agrees to try. When Aly arrives at the party and sees all of her family and friends (which concern Schmidt and Cece because there are a LOT of people in their home and they begin to ruin things), she’s not as thrilled. In fact, she’s kind of mad.

Winston doesn’t understand — he was just trying to do something nice. And while Aly commends him for that, she says that being around her family drives her crazy, and she doesn’t want him to see her like that. Winston tells her that it’ll be okay, but soon enough, Aly proves her point: she blows up at her sister in a rather vicious screaming match. Winston is horrified, and Aly runs off.

Meanwhile, Nick is tasked (it’s a self-induced task) with talking up Winston to the partygoers in order to make him seem fun and endearing. As you might surmise, it goes about as well as Nick making up a story can go — he fumbles his way through an anecdote and then just starts making up stories of Winston’s fake heroics, including saving a wheelchair-bound boy from a fire. When the pressure of maintaining the story becomes too much, Nick retreats to Schmidt and Cece’s garage to hide out. As it turns out, it’s a popular hiding spot — the couple retreats there too when they become overwhelmed with their guests and their various party indecencies.

Finally, Winston decides to combat Aly’s weirdness with his own, and stands up on the table in front of the party spouting off all the strange things he does. (Just in time, of course, for Aly’s parents to walk in and meet him.) It’s a really sweet moment, because it’s clear just how perfect Aly and Winston are for one another and how much he loves her.

And ultimately, while they wanted to be the cool house, it was fun to see Schmidt and Cece break down and bark at their partygoers to take off their shoes and use coasters. Hilariously, Cece also joins in this yelling and it proves that while they’re opposite in a lot of ways, Schmidt has begun to rub off on his wife a little bit.

THE HIKE

This episode focuses on the fact that Robby and Jess are really similar. Schmidt makes mention of it a few times in the episode’s cold open, as does Winston. But that’s about where the meat of the episode actually begins and ends. While on a hike, Robby and Jess get deterred by inclement weather and hide out in a cave where they discover that they’re related — third cousins, actually — which grosses both of them out. Needless to say, they break up at the end of the episode and Jess, I think, realizes that she doesn’t need someone who is identical in personality and in interests to her. She needs someone who challenges and affirms her — not just someone who does the same things she does.

I hope she finds that person (ahem, Nick), and I hope that the episode in which she finally realizes who she wants (ahem, Nick) is better-written and paced than “The Hike” was. I wish there was more to say about this episode, but the surface-level plot isn’t really my jam, and I feel like this is the first time in a long time in which there wasn’t much to read into in terms of the storylines.

Here’s to hoping that a hike and a party have taught our characters SOMETHING about their lives.

And now, bonus points:

• “That’s the second time this week you’ve compared yourself to Andi MacDowell. It’s weird.”
• “It’s 6:30. Babies are awake!”
• Winston and Nick role-playing handshakes was the best.
• “You’re the writer.” “That’s the gift I was given.”
• THE DOORBELL MAKES A REAPPEARANCE.
• I’m pretty sure that Max Greenfield deserves awards for the way he randomly yells “china!” in this episode.
• “Why did you let me chase a waterfall?! You KNOW what TLC says.”
• “I CAN’T LIVE IN THIS REALITY.”
• Winston reveals a few things about him at Aly’s surprise dinner. He has inside jokes with his cat, is a member of The Puzzling Guild of North America, shaves his face cold, and brushes his teeth hot.

What did you think of this episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Grimm 6x03 Review: “Oh Captain, My Captain” (This City’s Not Big Enough for Two of You) [Contributor: Alisa Williams]

“Oh Captain, My Captain”

Original Airdate: January 20, 2017

“You will face yourself again in a moment of terror.”

The Grimm writers are really liking their cliffhanger endings this season. Last week brought us Renard earning a get-out-of-jail-free card thanks to his buddy, the Wesen judge, who dropped all charges against him in the murder of Rachel Wood. Now, Renard is out and back to hunting Nick, who is “on the run” — only not really, because he’s just been hanging out in the basement of the spice shop. Honestly, this guy has got to be like the easiest guy in Portland to track down but, despite every officer out there on the case, he’s eluding them with next to no effort.

Hank and Wu fill everyone in on what happened with the judge — and the fact that Renard is cleaning house at the precinct, starting with their jobs. The team decides maybe it’s time for Nick to actually put a little more effort into his escape plan, so he and Eve/Juliette head back to the tunnels. He goes back to where he stowed the Elder Wand, and it’s still having some ill-effects on him. It has a powerful hold now, and every time he picks it up, the wand tries to convince Nick he needs it, and it becomes harder and harder to let go of. But, he manages to put it back in its hiding place again and Eve/Juliette again expresses her concerns about its powers — and its hold on him.

Back at the precinct, Hank and Wu are forced to hand over their resignations. Wu doesn’t handle it too well. First, he tries to refuse, but Renard threatens him, so he hands over his (slightly crumpled) resignation letter. As Renard walks away, Wu tries to lunge after him, woging as he goes, but Hank is able to grab him and calm him down.

Afterward, they head down to the tunnels to deliver some sandwiches and water to Nick and Eve/Juliette, and together, they all hatch a plan: Nick will use Adalind’s handy witch’s hat to perform the spell that can make someone transform into someone else. In this case, Nick wants to transform into Renard. They seem to be forgetting all of the many things that can go wrong when this particular spell is involved, like the mind-meld that occurred when Adalind impersonated Juliette a couple years ago. A mind meld that still crops up from time to time, and subsequently ended up turning Juliette into a Hexenbiest, who then became Eve. But yes, let’s set aside all memory of this incredibly problematic side-effect and have Nick transform into Renard, because that’s all this show needs: a Grimm who inadvertently turns himself into a half-Zauberbiest.

Meanwhile, one of Renard’s previously unnamed mayoral campaign staffers is suddenly blackmailing him. Apparently, the now-named Jeremiah was in love with Rachel Wood, saw Renard leaving her apartment, and was the one who discovered her body shortly after. And now he wants money to keep his silence. This all seems a little out of left field, but okay, let’s see what comes of it.

Apparently not much, because a couple scenes later, Renard and a Wesen police officer kill the wannabe blackmailer, Jeremiah. Well, that was short-lived. Renard has promised the Wesen officer, a Lieutenant Grossante, his place as Captain of the precinct once he becomes mayor, in exchange for his help with this pesky little matter.

Back at the spice shop, Rosalee and Juliette/Eve have set to work concocting the potion they’ll need for Nick to transform. Nick tried to recruit Adalind as well, but she’s knee-deep in domesticity, watching her children play at the park. She does agree to get some of Renard’s hair from the house for the spell and some of Renard’s clothes for Nick to change into. I’m glad they remembered to include this detail, since Renard is like a thousand feet taller than Nick and obviously, he’d need some different clothes. Monroe swings by the mansion to pick these up and tells Adalind she needs to make sure Renard stays home this evening and watches the seven-o’clock news, because Nick is going to make some sort of announcement.

Before Monroe can make his way out of the mansion, Renard comes home to change because his clothes got all bloody from murdering the blackmailer. Fortunately, Adalind does some quick thinking and distracts Renard by telling him he got blood in his hair, too, and should really go take a shower first before changing. Then Monroe can sneak out (he’d been hiding in the closet, naturally), and speed back to the spice shop with the hair and clothes, Renard none the wiser, albeit a bit suspicious that Adalind is suddenly being nice to him.

With the hair as the final potion ingredient, Nick is now ready to transform. Right before Nick is about to inhale the potion, Rosalee suddenly thinks to question what the side-effects might be for a Grimm, but before she can consult her books, Nick waves away the concern, stating there’s no time to worry about it. This bodes well.

Then, Eve/Juliette tells him he should probably take off all his clothes before inhaling the potion since Renard is so much bigger than him and his clothes might be a little tight after the transformation. God bless you, dear. No one is complaining about a shirtless Nick. After he’s disrobed, and with no other concerns pending from the onlookers, Nick finally takes the potion. At first, nothing appears to happen, but then he collapses and — after what looks like a very painful transformation — pops back up, looking like Renard. Only problem: he looks like Renard in his woged state, which is not something that should ever be seen in public.

Nick, who’s never had to woge or un-woge before, is more than a little panicked. Fortunately, Monroe and Rosalee are able to calm him down and walk him through un-woging. Just in time, too, because it’s 6:30. He has big plan is at 7:00 and he has to get going.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Renard has finished showering and is preparing to go back into the office. Adalind tries to stall him by saying they need to talk about their daughter, Diana. After going into a semi-panic attack, asking how they’re going to make sure Diana gets a good education when she can barely set foot in public without murdering someone, Renard finally relents and agrees to listen to Adalind’s concerns.

The team at the spice shop isn’t quite ready to unleash faux-Renard into Portland. Turns out, Nick has a hard time acting as pompous and arrogant as Renard, so they have to practice a bit, which is hilarious and gives Sasha Roiz (who plays Renard) one of his rare chances to show off his superb comedic chops. Finally, after testing out faux-Renard’s acting abilities on an unsuspecting Hank — who fully believes Nick to be the real Renard — the team declares Nick ready to head off and set his plan into motion.

Adalind has just about used up all her stalling techniques with Renard when, finally, the seven-o’clock news comes on and there is Nick as faux-Renard, making the announcement that he is abdicating the mayorship. Then he adds, for good measure, that the massive manhunt for Nick Burkhardt was just part of an undercover investigation into another matter and they’d like to thank Nick for playing along.

But Nick’s not finished wreaking havoc as faux-Renard. His next stop is the precinct, where he and Hank start ransacking Renard’s office. Just then, Lieutenant Grossante walks in, none too pleased that Renard has abdicated the mayorship and is remaining on as Captain when that job was promised to him. Nick, of course, has no idea what Grossante is talking about (or even who he is, it seems), but quickly catches up – realizing that Grossante killed Jeremiah for Renard to prove his loyalty. Heated words are exchanged and Grossante threatens faux-Renard, who threatens him right back, before Grossante woges, un-woges, and storms out.

Hank comes back into the office and he and Nick hurry to finish up. Nick doubles over in pain and realizes he’s about to turn back into himself and they need to get out of there fast. But you can’t just abdicate a mayorship without it causing a stir, and as they make for the precinct exit, they’re bombarded with reporters who want a statement on his decision. He blubbers some glowing words about Nick, Hank, and Wu, throwing in how great the press is as well, and makes it clear he has no intention of ever running for office again, before taking off at a run with Hank for the parking garage.

Wu has been in the garage waiting for both them and the real Renard’s arrival. Sure enough, real Renard pulls up and Wu tells him he better not go in, considering it would get super awkward to have two Renards walking around. Nick — still impersonating Renard — and Hank show up just then. After an angry exchange and shoving between Nick and real Renard, they all hop into the car Wu has waiting, leaving real Renard in the parking garage just as the press catches up. The real Renard tells them he has no intention of abdicating which directly contradicts what faux-Renard told them. He yells that that wasn’t him which make no sense to the reporters. One observant reporter questions why he’s now wearing a different tie than he was just moments ago but he has no answers for them that they’ll understand or accept.

The team reconvenes back at the spice shop with the intention of poring over Renard’s laptop and files. But, Eve/Juliette has some bad news. When she asks Nick if he’s felt the effects of the spell wearing off, he says yes, back in the precinct, he felt like a truck hit him and doubled over from the pain. Hank confirms this, but Eve/Juliette says this is bad. What he felt was the spell trying to wear off — and it should have worn off right then. But it didn’t. She fears he may be stuck as faux-Renard permanently. The team is understandably panicked at this idea. Rosalee immediately starts searching her books for a solution.

But they have bigger problems at the moment. Renard has finally gotten away from the press and is back in his office, where he discovers his computer and briefcase are missing. He calls up Nick for a little chat. Nick bluffs and says he’s going to stay faux-Renard until they get what they want — conveniently leaving out that he has no choice in the matter. They agree to meet on the roof of Nick’s loft to continue this conversation face-to-face while Hank goes to get Adalind and the kids and bring them to safety. After all, the only leverage Renard has over Nick is his son, Kelly.

Renard and Nick waste no time with words and get right down to fighting. Side note: why are there always so many roof fights on television? Renard woges to give himself an advantage over Nick, but Nick has a surprise up his sleeve — his faux-Renard can woge, too. Now it’s a Zauberbiest vs. Zauberbiest fight. After a few minutes of fighting but getting nowhere because they’re exactly evenly matched, they decide maybe it’s time to do some actual talking. They reach a truce. They’ll blame the North Precinct attack on Bonaparte and they’ll say Renard stepped down so he could lead the investigation. With both Hadrian’s Wall and Black Claw dead in Portland, Nick and Renard will stop going after each other and do their best to go back to the way things were before the two syndicates came into their lives. Meanwhile, Nick can finally be with Adalind and raise their son in peace, while Renard gets to raise his daughter, Diana. Renard walks out with a dire reminder that Diana won’t want to see anything bad happen to her daddy and if Nick does decide to come after him, she just might exact her revenge.

 
Back at the spice shop, Adalind is not pleased when Nick comes back and relays that she’ll have to share custody of her daughter with Renard. Unfortunately, the team doesn’t have the greatest news for Nick either. They haven’t been able to find a spell to counteract the potion and are afraid he will remain looking like Renard forever. Just then, Diana wakes up and approaches Nick, thinking he’s her dad. She soon realizes he’s not and does her glowing purple-eyed thing, exclaims that he is NOT her daddy, and causes him to fly across the room through a wall, and crash to the floor.

Adalind tries to explain that it’s not Nick’s fault — he’s just trapped in Renard’s body, but just then Nick transforms back. Whatever Diana hit him with seems to have done the trick. Adalind rushes to his side and hugs him, while Diana looks on, not at all pleased to see her mommy hugging someone who is definitely not her daddy but was impersonating him only moments before.

Renard, meanwhile, has arrived back at home. He enters the house and a figure rises up from a chair in the darkened room. It’s Meisner, here to tell Renard that he chose the wrong side. The episode ends as Renard stares at Meisner. This is probably just another of Renard’s hallucinations, since we all saw him shoot Meisner in the head not that long ago, and Meisner had no special abilities that we’re aware of. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out for sure!

Bonus Musings:

• “We should have killed Renard when we had the chance!” “We never had the chance.” ... “We should have killed Renard when we didn’t have the chance.” 
• “It would be an honor to succeed you, sir.” “Yes, I know.” 
• “Oh, wait, wait! Shoes and tie!” “Oh, right! Oh, blue or red?” “What?!” “I don’t know… blue might be the smarter choice you know, but I gotta say, a lot of people like red — it’s a power color — but Nick’s not really a tie type of guy but then again it’s not actually going to be Nick — ” “OH MY GOD JUST PICK ONE!” “Right! Right... I’ll take them both.” 
• “There are things we need to talk about.” “Like what?” “Well, your daughter for one.” “Diana? Why? Did she kill somebody else?” “No, Sean, she didn’t kill someone else. She has other issues.”

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Series: This Week's TV MVPs -- Week 50

Welcome to 2017, y'all! Can you believe that we're already in a new year? For many of us, 2016 was rough and we were eagerly anticipating a new slate with new possibilities. And, of course, escapism with some awesome television shows! Naturally. Over the past week or so, shows have been slowly returning from their winter slumbers and will continue to do so in the weeks to come. As those shows come back — with some new ones premiering this spring, too — we'll be celebrating some of the best performers on television each week. Ready? Let's talk about some TV MVPs! Joining me this week are:

• Julia
• Ilene
• Erin
• Jon
• Chelsea
• Megan

Enjoy!

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New Girl 6x13 Review: "Cece's Boys" (Growing Apart)

"Cece's Boys"

Original Airdate: January 17, 2017

Last week in my New Girl review, I talked about the concept of "adulting" — those things that we have to do because we've grown up, and no one adequately prepared us for. It's not their fault, though: I don't think any amount of preparation can explain quite what it feels like to transition from adolescence into adulthood. And one of the strangest components of growing up and becoming an adult is the ever-shifting circle of friends you create and also lose. I was actually just thinking about this the other day on my drive home from work. My birthday is this week, and when planning a get-together, I realized that I have a lot of friends and acquaintances, but few whom I genuinely stay connected with and consider to be close friends. I realized this when I went away to college — those people I promised I would stay friends forever with? Some I barely even speak to. And it's a really difficult thing to deal with when you realize that your friends are slipping away from you, of no fault of yours or theirs. Life just happens. We all change jobs, relationships, and living situations as we progress through different stages of life. It's natural for us to fall out of orbit with some of the people we genuinely care about.

But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with when it happens. And Schmidt learns that, firsthand in "Cece's Boys." While the A-story of the episode (as its title would suggest) focuses on Cece and her burgeoning career as a model manager, the B-story is the emotional core, as it follows Winston, Nick, and Schmidt as they try to find time to spend together before Schmidt moves out of the loft for good.

THE BONDS OF FRIENDSHIP

I'll be honest in saying that this wasn't New Girl's strongest episode, and definitely was the weakest of the season so far (it didn't help that FOX hadn't put up the screener and I had to miss watching the episode live). The A-plot is pretty easy to condense in terms of significance and plot: Cece's models are getting poached by bigger agencies, and she needs to keep Donovan and add new clients if she wants to succeed. Jess volunteers to recruit, and Reagan tags along. They find success with one extremely dumb but attractive model, but Jess wants to bring along two average-looking guys too. This, predictably, leads to conflict between Jess and Reagan as well as some shenanigans. In the end, one of the average-looking guys was the perfect model for the ad Cece was aiming for anyway! Aaaaaaaaand, end of story.

The B-plot is a little sillier in terms of story (it starts with a spa day and ends with Winston, Nick, and Schmidt all getting waxes together to forge their friendship), but it has the emotional core that this episode desperately needed in order to remain an average episode of New Girl. Here's what happens: Winston offhandedly mentions the fact that Coach and May are hosting a foreign exchange student. Schmidt didn't realize this, nor did he realize that the couple moved to North Carolina. While Nick seems really unfazed by the fact that he and Coach don't talk anymore, Schmidt is terrified by the realization that their friendship has fallen to the wayside just like that. Nick assures him: "We're still friends. We just have nothing to do with each other."

It probably doesn't require much thought for you to recall a friendship like this in your own life. I'm friends with so many people who I talk to maybe once every few weeks — some even longer than that — and barely get the chance to see in person. It doesn't mean I've disowned them, and I'm sure they don't have ill will toward me either. But when you become an adult and stop living with your closest friends, you lose touch. You fall apart. You start saying things like, "We need to do this more often" whenever you hang out. I get it. And as much as it is part of adulthood, it sucks.

So it makes total sense that Schmidt is concerned with this. He's always been deeply and emotionally connected to the people in the loft. Even when he moved out, he only moved down the hall. They're his best friends because he sees them every single day. It's why my college suitemates were my best friends, and why my roommate after college knew everything about my life. When you see someone every day, you tend to become best friends. Schmidt incorrectly assumes, however, that the only thing keeping Nick and Winston and him close is their proximity toward one another. Maybe he's right — maybe they WILL fall apart once Schmidt and Cece finally move into their house. Maybe he'll become like Coach: the friend they slip into conversation every once in a while but never see or hang out with.

It's Schmidt's tendency toward extreme worry and even more extreme remedies to those worries that causes him to create a spa day for the men. The three discuss the fact that the closest friendships are often forged permanently because of harrowing circumstances. That's not the case anymore, so Schmidt opts for "shared experience" to be the cord that bonds them. And eventually, the experience does bond them (albeit because they share trauma).

Schmidt is always at his most human whenever the writers give him (and the rest of the characters) stories that are totally universal. This week's episode definitely was. It reminded us all that growing up isn't without its struggles, and that sometimes the worst part of adulthood friendships isn't a falling out — it's just a falling away. Because falling outs are expected and understandable. There is always a specific, root cause. But when life gets too busy for you to talk every week, you don't have inside jokes anymore because you don't share the same living space, or your schedules never allow you to see each other, a friendship can fizzle. It doesn't mean you love each other less. Nick and Winston and Schmidt still love Coach and consider him to be a friend. They just don't talk or see one another anymore.

Adulthood is rough sometimes, and it's often hard to put into words exactly how certain periods of adulthood can make you feel. I'm thankful, at least, that this week's New Girl put perfectly into words what it feels like to lose friends simply because you lose touch.

And now, bonus points:

• Winston putting a fake cat's paw into the hand huddle was SO PERFECT.
• "The taste is average. But the aftertaste is outstanding."
• "Your lives are going to move on. And I'm always going to be that weirdo you lived with."
• The montage of Reagan and Jess trying to recruit models was fantastic.
• "No, I had my eyes closed. I was saying a non-denominational prayer."
• BAND OF BROTHERS.

What did you all think of this week's New Girl? Sound off in the comments below!

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Blindspot 2x12 Review: "Devil Never Even Lived" (Hello, Goodbye) [Contributor: Jen]

“Devil Never Even Lived”

Original Airdate: January 18, 2017

Blindspot lets Roman out of the cage in “Devil Never Even Lived.” It’s a sloppy and overly convenient episode, but it does lead to some big — and necessary — character developments.

CASE OF THE WEEK

After being told her brother is a psychopath, the first thing Jane wants to do is put him in the field. This should go well. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Roman asks.

I’m agreeing with Roman a lot in this episode and I can assure you it’s a disquieting feeling. Jane is absolutely sure this is a good idea. After all, Roman decoded the leopard tattoo. He’s fine! It’s worth noting that Patterson’s irritation over Jane giving Roman all the credit for solving the leopard tattoo is absolutely hilarious. Allow me, my precious unicorn, to correct Jane’s error: Yes, you solved the tattoo Patterson. Roman just played Mancala.

The tattoo leads to the Viper Kings, one of Roman’s Sandstorm connects, which includes... his girlfriend Kat Jarrett. We all called that one, right? Right. What Roman knows about the Viper Kings is less clear after Jane zipped his memories, so the therapist tries a little sense memory recollection. She plays the sound of a motorcycle engine and Roman recalls exactly what Team Blindspot needs him to remember exactly when they need him to remember it. Sigh. Blindspot exploits convenient plot points on the regular, but this was bad even for them.

The Viper Kings sold explosives to Roman in the past, so Team Blindspot decides to steal some explosives. The Viper Kings will set up a meet with Shepherd. The FBI will bust Shepherd and Sandstorm at the meet, and ta-da! Then the season two Big Bad will be kaput. Raise your hand if you think this will work. (You shouldn’t be raising your hand.)

Apparently, the only explosives Sandstorm is interested in are HMX, and you can only steal HMX explosives from the military. So, obviously, Team Blindspot decides they need to steal HMX explosives from the military. Yes, seriously. They actually considered this for a second. Luckily (or perhaps conveniently) Nas has a buddy at the Defense Department who owes her a favor, so he loans her the HMX.

Weller is nervous about potentially losing real HMX explosives, but Nas reassures him that Sandstorm will never end up with them. Besides, there’s only a little HMX. The rest is all fake. What could go wrong? Yes, that was her actual argument. To which Weller essentially replied, “cool.” I need something to bang my head against. Oh look! A wall. That’ll do.

The Viper Kings are suspicious of Roman because he’s been MIA for a year. He was supposed to run away with Kat, but never did because Remi told him to stop seeing her. So Kat is pretty ticked off at Roman, too. After the Kings take the truck, their leader instructs Roman to shoot the drivers, who are an undercover Weller and Reade. Jane tries a little song and dance about how that’s such a ridiculous request.

Uh, no it’s really not Jane. Y’all just stole HMX explosives and the drivers can ID everyone. What did you think the bikers were going to do? In the end, Roman pumps a couple bullets into Reade and Weller, assassin style and in the middle of Jane’s “we don’t need to kill them” speech. It was kind of awesome actually.

Of course, I am not remotely concerned that Blindspot just killed off two main cast members because I am assuming they are wearing vests. I assumed correctly. Jane is livid with Roman for shooting her friends. Come on, Jane, at best Reade is your frenemy and Weller is your lobster. Let’s use correct relationship terminology. Roman tells Jane that she’s being dumb (she really is) and if he hesitated any longer, the Viper Kings would have shot Reade and Weller in the head right after they killed Roman and Jane.

Jane is still sniping about the seams in the vests; Roman could have missed and really hurt Reade and Weller (but mostly Weller). Roman tells Jane he wouldn’t miss because, you know, HE’S A SUPER NINJA ASSASSIN LIKE HER and also, he didn’t have any choice. Either way, he gets the blame. He shoots Weller and Reade with the vests, and he’s being blamed. He lets them die, he’d be blamed.

Roman is right. I am agreeing with Roman. What is happening?

Of course, everything goes wrong as expected. Nas really needs to watch more Blindspot. She’d be far less confident if she did. Kat decides Roman is acting weird because he’s holding her hand and he never use to do that. So he must be a cop. It’s shocking how Kat didn’t buy Jane’s whole “Roman was shot and now he acts weird” excuse right? No, it’s not shocking at all. You should not be shocked. I’d feel a lot better about Jane if she was less shocked too.

Roman thinks fast, telling Kat that he works for the FBI and that he loves her. If she can help them get Shepherd, then they can run away together like they planned. Kat rapidly downshifts to, “Cool. I’m in” and helps Roman and Jane escape. So... Kat doesn’t believe Roman would hold her hand. That’s too warm and fuzzy, but “I love you” is no problem? “I love you” is absolutely something Roman would say? WHAT? There’s logic fails and then there’s... this. Oy.

Anyway, Kat is shot and killed in the gun battle. Roman spends about a half second on her death and then they try to ambush Sandstorm. Who, you guessed it, somehow knew the FBI was involved, arrived at the meet early, and stole the HMX explosives.

Hot. Mess.

TEAM BLINDSPOT

At least we got a little interesting character development. Patterson was allowed to emote, instead of just cracking codes and hacking satellites. She makes it clear to Nas that she wants to be there when Sandstorm is taken down. She’s asking Nas because Weller would say no. Ha! Accurate. Nas asks Patterson if this is about Borden. No, Nas, it’s definitely not about the man she was sleeping with for months on end, showering her with gifts, making her believe he loved her, all the while was working against her team and is the cause of several agents’ deaths. Nope. It has nothing to with him.

I mean. Seriously.

Nas tells Patterson that she knows how she feels — Borden betrayed them all. This sets Patterson off. I’m paraphrasing, but Patterson essentially says, “Yeah... about that. Isn’t your job as a National Security Advisor supposed to be analyzing intel? Didn’t you have his office bugged? How the heck did you miss this? Oh that’s right. You were spying on everyone EXCEPT BORDEN.”

It was glorious.

Meanwhile, Jane and Roman have a little “post-mission” chat. Roman remarks that he lied to Kat — he didn’t love her. Roman didn’t feel anything at all and he’s beginning to wonder if he ever will.

Dear Roman,

You might be a psychopath. Please say things that are less psychopathic to assuage our fears.

Love,
Everyone

Jane tells Roman that feelings aren’t as easily recalled as memories. Uh, they aren’t? She tells him feelings have to be earned. Ooookay. I don’t really know what that means, and I don’t think Jane does either, but we’re gonna roll with it because Jane’s words give Roman hope. However, as the camera cuts away, we can clearly see the worry in Jane’s eyes. She’s wondering if her little bro is a few paper plates short of a picnic.

KURT AND JANE

Nas and Kurt broke up.

Nas decides that she and Weller compromise their jobs for each other. They make bad calls in the field because they are dating. Weller signed off on the HMX explosives because it was what Nas wanted, and she signed off on Roman being out in the field because it was what Weller wanted. Technically, Jane wanted Roman in the field and where Jane goes so goes Weller’s nation, but that’s just details. This break-up is about being good leaders and blah blah blah. Weller says, “That’s it?” and Nas says, “Yup” and they are done. Honestly, Nas and Weller seemed about as emotionally invested in their relationship as I was — which means not at all.

I’m glad Nas broke up with Weller. This is Archie Panjabi we’re talking about here. She does the breaking up, thank you very much. It allows Nas to leave with her dignity intact, without Jane being the reason for the end of the relationship. Go with God, Nas.

Weller barely has time to care. He’s too busy sharing all his sad feelings with Jane over his baby leaving town. Of course, just as Jane is about to respond to Weller’s sad feelings, Zappata interrupts. This is what I wrote in my notes: “Zappata! Quit interrupting my Jeller feels!”

Jane shows up at Weller’s apartment later (yes, his apartment. I may have shrieked with joy). When Kurt opens the door, Jane finishes her interrupted sentence because she is the cutest. She tells Kurt that it’s okay to feel alone and since they are both feeling alone, they should be alone together. Yeah, you should. I know a lot of ways you guys can be alone together. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

I’m settling down. We’re not going to get that lucky yet, but Kurt is ready to talk empty baby cribs and drink beer with his beloved. Nas who? Honestly, Blindspotters, if you ever wondered if the writers hear your displeasure or worry if Jane and Kurt are endgame, let this episode be a lesson. Kurt and Nas break up, and Jane shows up at Weller’s door in the the next scene. Yes, Blindspot hears you.

Of course, Weller inexplicably (or conveniently) has his military academy year book out. The photo is of Kurt playing basketball and Shepherd is watching from the stands. Jane essentially tells Kurt, “Hey, btw that’s Shepherd,” and he realizes he knows her. Dun dun DUNNNNN.

One of the more interesting moments was when Kurt tells Jane to be careful out in the field with Roman. Jane reassures Weller that they will, but then Kurt emphasizes the “you.” It’s cute how Jane thought Weller was remotely worried about Roman. Silly rabbit. He’s always worried about you Jane... and only you. Kurt wants Jane to keep Roman at a distance (“Treat him the same way I treated you when I found out who you were”).

Weller recognizes that Roman is Jane’s blindspot, just like Jane was his last year. He doesn’t want her to get blindsided the way he did. Kurt reminds Jane that they were trained to manipulate people. He’s not saying any of this to be cruel. It’s just fact. This is Kurt being protective, which is the Kurt I always love. Kurt lost Jane to a blindspot once before. He won’t lose her to another one.

Stray Thoughts:

• Honestly, has no one thought to sit Jane down with a sketch artist so they knew what Shepherd looked like? You are the FBI. You should be thinking of this stuff.
• I think Blindspot thinks the audience has been zipped. They have zero faith that we can remember anything from previous episodes. Hence, incessant flashbacks. I’ve complained about this before. I’ll probably complain about it again.
• Zappata is doing the thing people sometimes do — you pretend to be overly interested in your friend’s love life in an attempt to deflect your obvious feelings because you are afraid it is starting to show. It’s #3 in the “Top 10 Ways To Act Like You Are Not In Love With Your Best Friend When You Are Actually In Love With Your Best Friend.”
• Jane talks to Roman like he’s an infant sometimes. Please do that less, Jane. It’s weird.
• Reade randomly hooks up with Freddy’s girlfriend. I suppose one is powerless against Edgar Reade shirtless, but still it was odd.
• Borden is kind of hot when he’s all menacing.
• Way too much attention on Parker, a Sandstorm bit player, until now. So... Parker is probably Nas’ inside source.

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Scorpion 3x13 Review: “Faux Money Maux Problems” (The Conch is Dead. I Am the Conch.) [Guest Poster: Yasmine]

“Faux Money Maux Problems”

Original Airdate: January 16, 2017

In this week’s episode, Paige’s con man mother, Veronica, returns and with her she brings trouble. She may not be responsible for the sticky situation the team finds themselves in, but somehow it seems like trouble follows this woman everywhere she goes.

Veronica shows up just as the team is getting ready for a private job they took at a winery (and while Toby and Cabe are helping Sly prep for the debates — something that is going terribly, as Sly is determined to answer questions truthfully). Walter, on the other hand, comes in with a conch and an announcement. He admits that he has realized he’s been handling things badly in term of decision-making within the team and has decided to adopt the conch method — from Lord of the Flies — as a tool to make decisions in Team Scorpion. Of course, none of this can end well.

But first, the case. The team — plus Veronica but minus Toby and Happy, who had spent the night wedding panning and forgot some equipment back home — ride in the client-provided limo as they head to the site of the project. However, soon enough, Walter realizes they are being drugged. Later, they wake up in a windowless basement, surrounded by Spanish signs and piles of counterfeit money.

Team Scorpion have been kidnapped by the fictional Central American country Norteguay. The country’s dictatorial government is demanding they counterfeit the U.S. dollars, or else they will start killing them off one by one, starting with the non-geniuses.

Luckily for the team, Veronica’s conning skills prove to be actually useful for once, and she manages to find a way to let Cabe, Sly, and Walter escape. But when the three flee the compound, they realize they are still very much at home. In fact, they are only one hour away in Simi Valley.

With Toby and Happy back in the garage and aware that something has gone wrong — they themselves had to outsmart the thug sent after them — the team manages to rescue Veronica and Paige and uncover a complex scheme to flood the U.S. economy with counterfeit bills and crash the international economy.

The main relationship in focus this week is Paige and Veronica’s. The episode starts with a flashback of a young Paige helping her mother run a con and proving once again the very unhealthy relationship between the two, or at least just how horrible of a mother Veronica was... and still is. Paige has never forgiven her mother, and this is something she says to her repeatedly throughout the episode. She even brings up how she may regret letting her back into her life and, more importantly, into Ralph’s. And honestly, Veronica needs to try much, much harder if she wants Paige to ever forgive her and welcome her back. Even though Veronica does help the team, she does so by relying on her conning skills, by lying and scheming, and by using Paige again, like she did when she was young.

Paige obviously does not appreciate that, or find in that a reason to thank her mother, despite what Veronica might think. And rightfully so. These two have a long way to go before they can mend their non-existent relationship, if they really want to do that. The only reason I can see Paige wanting that is for Ralph, but if Veronica does not put an effort and honestly try to change, I cannot see Paige letting her any closer to her and Ralph.

Once again, I am left in awe of how amazing Paige is, and what an inspirational woman she is, considering the mother she had to grow up with — or without, for the most part.

One good thing did come out of Veronica’s return and her annoying Paige in the many ways that she does: it helped Paige realize she needs to approach things with Walter in a different way, after her attempts to help him for three years have gotten them nowhere. After announcing the conch system in the beginning of the episode, Walter ends the episode by breaking it down — or a virtual version of it — and announcing that Team Scorpion is not a democracy but instead, it is a logical dictatorship.

At the beginning of the episode, he announces that he is aware that he has a problem, but I wonder if it is just him admitting that the others think there is a problem and not admitting it honestly to himself. After weeks of slow development, Walter seems to have regressed, and Paige’s new approach to him is to drop him in the deep end and let him teach himself to swim. Let’s hope this works out for our Scorpion leader, because he is in desperate need of finding his way to shore.

Finally, the other relationship that was brought into focus this week was Happy and Toby’s. The happy couple are now planning their wedding and it is nice to see a couple having a nice, happy, non-problematic period for once. Well, non-problematic to a certain extent, because by the end of the episode they both admit they are too broke to plan the wedding they were thinking of. Toby is still paying off his gambling debts and Happy seemingly spent five figures on motorcycle parts.

But I don’t see this being a problem for those two. For starters, they are being open and honest with each other, and I think their love and the kind of relationship they have means they can be happy and perfectly ecstatic if they just got married, as Toby put it, in Kovelsky’s parking lot (but no, Happy won’t let that happen).

I think a garage wedding would be a great idea, though, what do you think?

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This Is Us 1x12 Review: "The Big Day" (Another Big Three) [Contributor: Jenn]

"The Big Day"

Original Airdate: January 17, 2017

Some of my favorite episodes of television are the ones about characters' origin stories. These prologues, if you will, are ways for us to better know the people we see on our television screens each week. They're shaped by their experiences in the past, and we're shaped by learning more about them. This Is Us is one of the few shows on television that has managed to balance out its present-day elements with its flashbacks. And this week, we were treated to an entire episode of flashbacks — the day that the triplets were born. You'd think that knowing the story and the key players — Jack and Rebecca, Dr. K., and the fireman (Joe) who found Randall in front of the station — this episode would lack emotional prowess or a gut punch. You would, of course, be wrong. I have yet to encounter an episode of This Is Us where my eyes did not well up, and "The Big Day" was no exception. A stellarly-crafted hour of television, this week we get the opportunity to peek behind the curtain and know a little bit more about the people who are so intimately tied to Randall, Kate, and Kevin.

EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES

I'm going to start with the story of Dr. K, because I feel like his is rather important. He is, after all, the man who became a mentor and confidante for Jack when he was in his darkest moments. He loved the Pearson family, and in "The Big Day," we see him as the grieving widower. In the pilot of This Is Us, Dr. K. tells Jack about how he lost his wife to cancer recently (and how they, as a couple, lost a child years ago). From the beginning, he was always such a humanized character — very well-rounded, believable, and yet also incredibly warm and comforting. Jack took solace in Dr. K.'s presence, but it went further than that — the doctor spoke words of encouragement over him that led him to adopt Randall later that day.

But what humanizes him even more is that we get the opportunity to sit in Dr. K.'s grief with him this week. If you've ever lost someone you loved, as I suspect you have, you know how hard it can be to cope with the loss of that person. In our good doctor's case, he was married to his wife for more than 50 years, and hasn't coped well since her death. He keeps his house the same way she left — her medicines in the medicine cabinet and her items left in their bedroom. It makes moving on utterly impossible for Dr. K., but that's fine. He doesn't want to move on. He wants to stay in his grief because it oddly comforts him. He talks to his deceased wife at the dinner table — a place set for her and all. If he moves on, he leaves her behind. And he can't do that yet.

Of course, Dr. K. has children and they're worried about him. His son, Paul, confronts his father about moving on — maybe inviting someone he knows to go see a movie — and the doctor avoids the subject repeatedly, until he can't take it anymore. He isn't in denial about what happened. He KNOWS what happened. He knows he buried his wife. He loved her and he was forced to bury her. It's an utterly heartbreaking moment, played expertly by Gerald McRaney. 

He didn't expect it when he walked in for his shift, but Dr. K. is going to be the reason that Jack and Rebecca are okay — better than okay, actually. He will be the reason they're whole and they have a whole family. And in return, Jack will be the reason that Dr. K. actually starts living instead of simply sitting in his grief. Dr. K. and Jack rescue each other, and I think that's rather beautiful.

RANDALL'S HOME

Speaking of rescue, I like that we got backstory on Joe, the fireman who found Randall on the front step of the station and eventually brought him to the hospital. I have to add the caveat of "eventually," because that's not what Joe does first when he finds the baby. See, Joe and his wife, Samantha, have been having marital issues. She's snapping at him and he escapes to work as a way to avoid fights. They can't have a baby of their own, this episode reveals, and Joe is looking for a miracle to save their marriage. He pays a visit to a priest for one, and bam! Randall shows up on the step. Coincidence?

Samantha thinks so. Even though she spends the majority of the episode snarking at Joe for one thing or another, her point is valid: a baby doesn't fix a marriage. And Joe cannot believe that it will. Samantha instructs him to bring the baby to the hospital, rather than keep him. Even though Joe and Samantha don't keep the child, just the presence of one seems to soften both of their hearts toward reconciliation. They've gone through a lot, and decide to start over — with introductions and a "first date."

I really enjoyed this story, not because I have any emotional investment in Joe and Samantha's relationship (since we didn't really know anything about him before this episode anyway), but because This Is Us is so good at reminding us that people are connected — people need other people to make it through all the curveballs life throws at us on a daily basis. Joe and Samantha needed to be reminded of the sweet innocence of life and of starting over in order for them to save their marriage. It's not a sugar-coated ending, necessarily, because we don't know if they'll actually make it. 

But it's a start. And it's hope.

BEST OF MEN AND BEST OF HUSBANDS

I've already mentioned how much I love Milo Ventimiglia in this role, right? I do. And would you like to know why? Because he brings earnestness to a character who could have easily been flat and uninteresting. Perfect characters are often boring. Why? Because they're predictable and they're too good to be true. Jack isn't perfect, and I think everyone knows that. But he's always, ALWAYS sincere and pursues people, be it his wife, his kids, his dreams, etc. And Milo conveys all of that so strongly that it is impossible to not root for Jack. He's an incredible character and an incredible husband and — as we have seen — an incredible father. I cannot sing the praises of Milo enough for his incredible emotional range, the little tics he adds to his character (smirks and eyebrow raises add to the subtle comedy of this show), and the way he's so in tune with who Jack is and what he wants out of life.

The stand-out scene for me in this week's episode is when Miguel insists on whisking Jack away for a day of golf (which Jack doesn't care about or play) to get away from Rebecca's hormonal, pregnant self. She's oscillating between emotions that day and essentially drives Jack away. But instead of reveling in the fact that he gets to be away from his family like the other men are (ugh, Miguel is the worst), Jack laments the fact that he's not with Rebecca and his unborn babies. No matter what happens and how rough it gets, he'll ALWAYS want to be with them.

Oh yeah, and Miguel insists that Jack spend some money, frivolously, on himself because that's the one thing he'll be able to control once the kids arrive. Does anyone else not see how Rebecca ends up with this guy? HOW DO YOU GO FROM JACK TO THAT PERSON? Nevertheless, Jack takes Miguel's advice and spins it: he gets a camera to document all of the important moments in his, Rebecca, and the triplets' lives. What a stand-up guy.

And Rebecca knows that, too. She spends most of the episode freaking out because she forgot Jack's birthday. She waddles to the closest store to get him something special, and ends up working with what they have at the convenience store: a banana muffin, Twinkie frosting (literally squeezed out of a Twinkie) and sprinkles. Oh, and she gets Jack that infamous towel from the pilot episode which he thinks is hilarious. While Rebecca stresses out over all of this, Jack reminds her that he doesn't care about presents — he cares about the traditions they have together.

One of the sweetest moments in the episode comes when Rebecca monologues to her unborn babies. Mandy Moore does a spectacular job capturing all of Rebecca's emotions — elation over meeting the babies soon, fear over not being a good enough mother, and sheer wonderment of being pregnant with triplets. She makes promises to the babies for when they arrive, and tells them all about how much they'll love their father.

This makes it all-the-more painful when we relive scenes from the pilot that end with Rebecca losing the baby, and Jack being forced to tell her. Both actors deserve all of the awards for the way they portray this couple, both separately and together. But even in the midst of harrowing pain, there is joy as "The Big Day" chronicles the moment Jack and Rebecca decide to adopt Randall. 

You have to take the good with the bad, after all. This Is Us taught us that from the very beginning, and I think it's a noble message. Not many shows on television these days are founded in the hope of humankind and its spirit. With 2017 just beginning but uncertainty after uncertainty piling up on the horizon, I'm happy there is a show that I can escape to that contains this promise.

... Even if I do have to cry while learning its lessons.

And now, bonus points:

• "Life has enough twists," says Dr. K. when his son and daughter-in-law prompt him to go see Star Wars because of the twist ending.
• This might be the first episode all season that doesn't feature any of the adult children, right?
• I don't know how, but this show made me cry during scenes I've already seen in the pilot.

What did you think of this week's This Is Us? Sound off in the comments below!

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