This Is Us 3x02 Review: “A Philadelphia Story” (The Port in the Storm) [Contributor: Jenn]

“A Philadelphia Story”

Original Airdate: October 2, 2018

We are all searching for a place to belong. We long to have people understand us and accept us as we are — no questions asked. When we find those people, something incredible happens: we live as if we belong. We act like people who are found instead of lost; who matter instead of let life happen to and around them.

But what happens when you struggle to find a place of belonging and are constantly told that you’re an outsider? “A Philadelphia Story” is an episode that focuses on the Pearson family in their struggles to fit — with each other, and in the grander scheme of life. Randall has spent his entire life trying to find a place to fit in, and in adulthood, we still see that struggle. And in the flashbacks, we see the Pearsons struggling in the wake of Jack’s death. This episode gave us a lot (especially with that little bit of an emotional cliffhanger) to process in terms of characterization, so let’s dive right in.

NO, KATIE GIRL. NO.

Let’s start off with the ever-problematic Kate. It’s like This Is Us isn’t even trying to make me like Kate Pearson anymore (or Toby, for that matter). The seeming conflict in this episode for Kate and Toby is that they’re underway in their IVF process but aren’t telling Rebecca about it. Wonder why? Well, Rebecca finds out later in the episode and we learn exactly why — because she reacts in a very motherly way: with over-concern and secondhand Googled “expertise.”

Understandably so, Kate and Toby didn’t want Rebecca’s negativity or stress in what is already an incredibly stressful process. Side note: Kate is beginning to notice that Toby is a bit off (he went off his antidepressants to try and help their chances of having a baby), but my bigger concern is that Kate never really considered Toby’s lack of enthusiasm about a baby. He’s not as concerned with them having a child as she is; it’s her whole world and existence right now. But because Toby is sacrificing and saying nothing, I have no doubt that this will be a point of tension for them in the future.

Speaking of tension, we answer my own question from last week as to why Kate is so concerned with having a baby: she wants to have a piece of her dad back. And she makes a very bold, offensive claim to Kevin that she’s the only one who can carry on Jack’s legacy.

Ouch. Wow, Kate. First of all, your wild selfishness (in both wanting to have a baby pretty much for that reason and the audacity to tell Kevin that to his face) will come back to bite you. Sooner than later, probably. Secondly: why would Kate believe that’s true? Each of the Pearson children — Randall included — has the ability to pass on Jack and carry his legacy; they each have a piece of him that they carry on. Biologically speaking, Kevin and Randall are the two who will carry on the Pearson name and legacy, not Kate. She’s married to Toby and her legacy will be the children she and he have together — to carry on Toby’s family with her. The problem is that Kate’s selfishness has blinded her to the realization that she’s hurting her husband in actions and words. How dismissive of her is it to discount the fact that Toby’s legacy matters?

Not only does Kate dismiss Kevin, but Kevin then passes on the information to Randall — who, after spending an entire episode feeling like he doesn’t belong anywhere, feels both bitter and hurt. Honestly, I’m not a fan of Kate’s right now. Though I don’t think Rebecca’s overprotective commentary was helpful, ultimately I feel like she has valid points. Kate wants a baby because she wants a miniature version of herself and Toby — and Jack. Which is weird, to be honest, and leads me to believe that Kate’s going to become so wrapped up in this baby that everyone else (including Toby and his inevitable deterioration in mental health) is going to suffer as a result.

THE PORT IN THE STORM

In the flashbacks, we see Randall holding the family together. Rebecca is off in her own world, imagining Jack speaking to her (we learn later that her imagined conversation with him was actually a real conversation they had months before the fire), and she’s so exhausted with grief that she’s unable to summon the energy to course-correct Kevin (who is often drunk) or that Kate (who has begun binge-eating). Randall feels like the only sane one, but we have to know he’s suffering too. I think that’s key — Randall is used to being the port in the storm for everyone. From a young age, he was the smart kid who fixed his family. In his teenage years, he’s the one who has to tell Rebecca that her children NEED her to be physically and mentally present; she’s off in her own world of grief and has abandoned them.

Because Randall is so used to fixing things and people, he’s used that to become his identity. He’s the one who is the port, and he turns down his acceptance to Howard (in spite of the fact that it’s his dream) in order to try and fix his family. There’s so much of Jack Pearson in him, but the problem is Kevin, Rebecca, and Kate especially are too wrapped up in their own blankets of grief to see that clearly.

Additionally, it’s unfair that Randall adopts the role of “fixer” for his family because he’s prioritized his grief as secondary. His feelings are less important than every other member of his family. And we see the consequences of that play out in his adult life.

In the present-day, Randall recognizes that Deja goes to a primarily white school. Because she mentions missing her old drill team, he decides to introduce her to a girl named Sky, who is the daughter of a woman William befriended (of course, because he’s William). The girl’s mom, Chichi, mentions the sad state of the rec center they’re in, including busted street lights, and Randall does what he does best — gets to fixing things. He drives around town to convince a councilman to clean up the rec center, and eventually changes the streetlight himself. But a funny thing happens: when Randall proudly displays his work, Chichi thanks him and then gently reminds him that the people at the rec center are not his people. They were William’s friends, because he lived and suffered with them.

But Randall spent the whole day seeing problems that needed to be fixed instead of people that needed to be loved; that’s something William wouldn’t have done. William was all about relationships; Jack Pearson was all about going the extra mile. Randall Pearson is an interesting combination of both of his fathers — but he doesn’t fit into either William or Jack’s shoes. So he feels, naturally, lost. Randall is such a complex and interesting character, but I love that Chichi pointed out Randall’s tendency to try and be the “fixer” rather than the person who sits and listens and just exists. Randall’s role has always been that of the port in the storm. He keeps everyone together, and his value (he believes) is tied to what he can do or provide for others.

The sad thing is that based on his life experience, I don’t think Randall believes he’s enough for anyone, just as he is. He keeps trying to fit into everyone’s molds and when he doesn’t, becomes naturally discouraged.

Later on, he tells Beth that he can’t win: either he’s not trying hard enough, or trying too much. The one place Randall thought was safe — his own family — is not even safe anymore, because he learns what Kate said to Kevin.

And “A Philadelphia Story” ends with Randall feeling betrayed by his own sibling. For a man who never seems to belong and yet tries to be everything for everyone else so that he can find purpose and community and love, this is truly a devastating blow.

And now, bonus points:

• Kevin and Zoe are super adorable still, and we see at the end of the episode that Zoe is willing to let Kevin in instead of push him away. It’s a small step, but you can tell Kevin thinks it means the world. Additionally, Kevin’s movie premieres! He’s so concerned about being taken seriously (and we get some wonderful flashbacks of teenage Kevin on the football field and in the auditorium) because he believes Jack was the only person who ever saw that potential in him; that’s why Kevin believes Jack was tougher on him than the others. He wanted to push him to his full potential — to be more than he thought he could be. It’s a beautiful little insight into Kevin’s character that almost gets lost in an episode focused on Kate’s drama and Randall’s story, but I think it’s worth noting how beautiful this was and important it’ll be for the future.
• I will say, I give points to Toby for standing up to Rebecca (even though we all know he is going through withdrawals and that was the catalyst).
• Where’s my GIF of Randall shouting: “CELEBRATORY FRO-YOOOOOOOOO”?
• I tweeted about this, but This Is Us is often so painful because the conversations feel too real. All the family drama is like watching our own families reflected back at us.
• “We have each other. We have this place. And that’s not nothing. That’s not nothing at all.”

What did you think of this week’s episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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This Is Us 3x01 Review: "Nine Bucks" (Counting the Cost) [Contributor: Jenn]

“Nine Bucks”

Original Airdate: September 25, 2018

“Count the cost.”

It’s a phrase we hear pretty often in terms of sacrifice — things in life have costs attached to them, whether explicit or implicit. When we make decisions, we have to count what we’ll be giving up and what we’ll gain to decide if the cost is worth it. Whether it’s evident or not, “Nine Bucks” is all about our characters in flashbacks and present-day counting the cost in their decisions and relationships. So let’s discuss what they’re willing to sacrifice in order to gain something of value.

RANDALL AND THE FAM

I love Randall, but in “Nine Bucks” we finally get to see how Deja feels about being essentially told that she is “the same” as Randall just because he was also adopted. After the fallout of Deja’s destructive behavior in the season two finale, we learn she’s been in counseling. Her mother officially signed away Deja’s rights, and that clearly affects the young woman. On Randall’s birthday, he vows to try and talk to Deja about being adopted into the Pearson family. While Deja is appreciative of all that Randall and Beth do for her, she still doesn’t think Randall gets it: they’re not the same.

And she makes a very valid point, honestly — he had two dads who loved him, and a mom who did too. He might have gone through difficulties as a child, but they paled in comparison to hers — and he always was surrounded by those who wanted and loved him. Deja, on the other hand, had one dad who she never knew and one mom who abandoned her. Not exactly an apples to apples comparison, right?

Deja has a choice to make — she can decide to close herself off to the Pearsons and isolate herself in her own story, or she can choose to take back some agency. See, Deja has lost almost all of her agency. Her mother never allowed her to meet her father, and Deja was stripped of her familial identity. She’s been shuffled around and is not even sure who she is. That internal struggle manifested itself externally last season. Now, Deja decides that the cost (the pain) is worth it in order to gain the closure: So she visits her biological father. And she has a conversation with him that allows her to finally place her past firmly in the past. Randall, for all his well-intentioned monologues, would have never been able to give that to Deja — she had to choose it for herself, and it was something even he’d never be able to truly understand.

The cost of something of her own — a choice she made in her story instead of one being made for her — is what spurs Deja to confront her father, and then allow Beth and Randall to sign the adoption papers. Deja’s choice came with a cost, but it was worth it in order to feel a sense of agency in her life.

LITERALLY NINE BUCKS

Let’s talk about the most awkward date in history. Jack literally has $9 to spend on his first date with Rebecca, and it’s a disaster from start to finish. It didn’t begin that way: remember that Jack and Rebecca saw one another (him being drawn to her singing) and they had some sort of magical connection. But when Jack realizes how little he has in order to take out this beautiful woman, he’s already insecure. Starting from a place of insecurity on a first date is not a great place to start.

Nevertheless, Jack takes Rebecca to a carnival. Between the tickets and food, Jack is awkwardly trying to spend as little money as possible. The cost here is obvious — physical money. But the cost of prioritizing insecurity over connection and honesty? That cost Jack a few hours of uncomfortable conversations (where Rebecca brings up Vietnam, and the pair realizes they love none of the same things). Rebecca is not feeling the date either, but finally at the end of the night, Jack decides to be honest.

That honesty is what actually causes Rebecca to connect with him and see his true self. He admits to her that there are things in his past that are difficult to talk about, but that there’s something about Rebecca that makes him want to open up. It’s a really sweet moment, made sweeter by realizing that Jack’s decision to allow emotional connection in spite of his trauma is his “count the cost” moment — had he chosen to stay closed off, Rebecca and he might not have ever ended up together. Because he sacrificed the little bit of money he had and his emotional comfort zone, he gained the great love of his life.

KATE AND TOBY’S DIFFICULT JOURNEY

Toby and Kate are facing fertility issues when we pick up their story in “Nine Bucks.” And unfortunately, the more time that passes without a baby, the more despondent Kate grows. She’s up against PCOS, which makes it often difficult to conceive naturally, and her weight issues as well as Toby’s own reproductive struggles. When they meet with a doctor to discuss IVF, the response is… well, kind of terrible. For any doctor, really. The doctor essentially tells them that there’s no real chance of them conceiving, and she wouldn’t ever take that risk in order to accept them as patients. It’s incredibly harsh and Kate leaves in tears.

Then she shows up at her birthday party and more awkwardness ensues when Kate reveals all of the drama and disappointment she’s faced in her quest to have a baby. I’m going to be honest: I struggle the most with Kate and Toby as characters. Heck, even Kevin was easier for me to connect with this episode (and he’s been a character who’s been difficult to love). Kate’s entire story has been about her weight — and all of her successes and failures seem to be weight-related (meeting and falling in love with Toby, her relationships with both Jack and Rebecca, her desire for a baby/inability to have one, etc.). While I understand that this will be a significant plot point in Kate’s past and present, I don’t even feel like I really know Kate and we’re three seasons into the show. So when the writers ask me to empathize with Kate at her birthday party, I struggle. The same is true for Toby: I’ve never really liked him as a character. At the beginning, he was obnoxious and abrasive. His inability to give empathy when it was necessary was troublesome. And the writers chose to redeem him the easy way — by pairing him together with likable characters (like the bachelor party episode) to make him more palatable. But Toby’s depression has yet to be explored, and we know it’s a significant hurdle in his life. So when Toby decides — without telling Kate — that he’s “counting his cost” and decides that Kate having a baby is more important than his mental health, I know we’re in for drama and struggle. For one thing, does anyone else feel like Toby doesn’t want a baby as much as Kate does? Kate’s whole world is centered on the quest for this baby.

But I still don’t know WHY. Do you? I wish I had more insight into Kate as a character to know if she wants a baby so she can pour love and attention into someone else (in hopes it’ll help her become a better version of herself), or if she genuinely has always wanted to be a mom. As it stands, I think Kate will know pretty soon that Toby is doing whatever it takes to please her — regardless of whether or not it’s in his own best interest.

Counting costs doesn’t mean things are bad, or even wrong. It’s important to get a realistic picture of what you’ll have to sacrifice in order to gain the thing you want. Right now, the Pearsons — past and present — are sacrificing to gain what they think will satisfy and sustain them. As their stories continue to unfold, we’ll see the consequences (good and bad) of their decisions.

And now, bonus points:

• Zoe and Kevin are dating and have been since the season two finale and it’s ADORABLE. Interestingly, when Beth discovers what’s happening, she tells Kevin that Zoe will break his heart — not the other way around. I guess we’ll have to see whether or not that happens. I’m rooting for those adorable kids.
• “... You hung up on ‘fine,’ didn’t you?”
• “Did you see the game?” “What game?” “She’s new to America.”
• “I don't know how you're gonna make this right with Oprah.” “I made a donation to her foundation.” “Well, it's a start.”
• Who’s the guy who showed up at Rebecca’s door?! And why is he waltzing up and just kissing her like that?

Stay tuned for next week’s drama (and probably tears too)!

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This Is Us 1x12 Review: "The Big Day" (Another Big Three) [Contributor: Jenn]

"The Big Day"

Original Airdate: January 17, 2017

Some of my favorite episodes of television are the ones about characters' origin stories. These prologues, if you will, are ways for us to better know the people we see on our television screens each week. They're shaped by their experiences in the past, and we're shaped by learning more about them. This Is Us is one of the few shows on television that has managed to balance out its present-day elements with its flashbacks. And this week, we were treated to an entire episode of flashbacks — the day that the triplets were born. You'd think that knowing the story and the key players — Jack and Rebecca, Dr. K., and the fireman (Joe) who found Randall in front of the station — this episode would lack emotional prowess or a gut punch. You would, of course, be wrong. I have yet to encounter an episode of This Is Us where my eyes did not well up, and "The Big Day" was no exception. A stellarly-crafted hour of television, this week we get the opportunity to peek behind the curtain and know a little bit more about the people who are so intimately tied to Randall, Kate, and Kevin.

EMPTY CHAIRS AT EMPTY TABLES

I'm going to start with the story of Dr. K, because I feel like his is rather important. He is, after all, the man who became a mentor and confidante for Jack when he was in his darkest moments. He loved the Pearson family, and in "The Big Day," we see him as the grieving widower. In the pilot of This Is Us, Dr. K. tells Jack about how he lost his wife to cancer recently (and how they, as a couple, lost a child years ago). From the beginning, he was always such a humanized character — very well-rounded, believable, and yet also incredibly warm and comforting. Jack took solace in Dr. K.'s presence, but it went further than that — the doctor spoke words of encouragement over him that led him to adopt Randall later that day.

But what humanizes him even more is that we get the opportunity to sit in Dr. K.'s grief with him this week. If you've ever lost someone you loved, as I suspect you have, you know how hard it can be to cope with the loss of that person. In our good doctor's case, he was married to his wife for more than 50 years, and hasn't coped well since her death. He keeps his house the same way she left — her medicines in the medicine cabinet and her items left in their bedroom. It makes moving on utterly impossible for Dr. K., but that's fine. He doesn't want to move on. He wants to stay in his grief because it oddly comforts him. He talks to his deceased wife at the dinner table — a place set for her and all. If he moves on, he leaves her behind. And he can't do that yet.

Of course, Dr. K. has children and they're worried about him. His son, Paul, confronts his father about moving on — maybe inviting someone he knows to go see a movie — and the doctor avoids the subject repeatedly, until he can't take it anymore. He isn't in denial about what happened. He KNOWS what happened. He knows he buried his wife. He loved her and he was forced to bury her. It's an utterly heartbreaking moment, played expertly by Gerald McRaney. 

He didn't expect it when he walked in for his shift, but Dr. K. is going to be the reason that Jack and Rebecca are okay — better than okay, actually. He will be the reason they're whole and they have a whole family. And in return, Jack will be the reason that Dr. K. actually starts living instead of simply sitting in his grief. Dr. K. and Jack rescue each other, and I think that's rather beautiful.

RANDALL'S HOME

Speaking of rescue, I like that we got backstory on Joe, the fireman who found Randall on the front step of the station and eventually brought him to the hospital. I have to add the caveat of "eventually," because that's not what Joe does first when he finds the baby. See, Joe and his wife, Samantha, have been having marital issues. She's snapping at him and he escapes to work as a way to avoid fights. They can't have a baby of their own, this episode reveals, and Joe is looking for a miracle to save their marriage. He pays a visit to a priest for one, and bam! Randall shows up on the step. Coincidence?

Samantha thinks so. Even though she spends the majority of the episode snarking at Joe for one thing or another, her point is valid: a baby doesn't fix a marriage. And Joe cannot believe that it will. Samantha instructs him to bring the baby to the hospital, rather than keep him. Even though Joe and Samantha don't keep the child, just the presence of one seems to soften both of their hearts toward reconciliation. They've gone through a lot, and decide to start over — with introductions and a "first date."

I really enjoyed this story, not because I have any emotional investment in Joe and Samantha's relationship (since we didn't really know anything about him before this episode anyway), but because This Is Us is so good at reminding us that people are connected — people need other people to make it through all the curveballs life throws at us on a daily basis. Joe and Samantha needed to be reminded of the sweet innocence of life and of starting over in order for them to save their marriage. It's not a sugar-coated ending, necessarily, because we don't know if they'll actually make it. 

But it's a start. And it's hope.

BEST OF MEN AND BEST OF HUSBANDS

I've already mentioned how much I love Milo Ventimiglia in this role, right? I do. And would you like to know why? Because he brings earnestness to a character who could have easily been flat and uninteresting. Perfect characters are often boring. Why? Because they're predictable and they're too good to be true. Jack isn't perfect, and I think everyone knows that. But he's always, ALWAYS sincere and pursues people, be it his wife, his kids, his dreams, etc. And Milo conveys all of that so strongly that it is impossible to not root for Jack. He's an incredible character and an incredible husband and — as we have seen — an incredible father. I cannot sing the praises of Milo enough for his incredible emotional range, the little tics he adds to his character (smirks and eyebrow raises add to the subtle comedy of this show), and the way he's so in tune with who Jack is and what he wants out of life.

The stand-out scene for me in this week's episode is when Miguel insists on whisking Jack away for a day of golf (which Jack doesn't care about or play) to get away from Rebecca's hormonal, pregnant self. She's oscillating between emotions that day and essentially drives Jack away. But instead of reveling in the fact that he gets to be away from his family like the other men are (ugh, Miguel is the worst), Jack laments the fact that he's not with Rebecca and his unborn babies. No matter what happens and how rough it gets, he'll ALWAYS want to be with them.

Oh yeah, and Miguel insists that Jack spend some money, frivolously, on himself because that's the one thing he'll be able to control once the kids arrive. Does anyone else not see how Rebecca ends up with this guy? HOW DO YOU GO FROM JACK TO THAT PERSON? Nevertheless, Jack takes Miguel's advice and spins it: he gets a camera to document all of the important moments in his, Rebecca, and the triplets' lives. What a stand-up guy.

And Rebecca knows that, too. She spends most of the episode freaking out because she forgot Jack's birthday. She waddles to the closest store to get him something special, and ends up working with what they have at the convenience store: a banana muffin, Twinkie frosting (literally squeezed out of a Twinkie) and sprinkles. Oh, and she gets Jack that infamous towel from the pilot episode which he thinks is hilarious. While Rebecca stresses out over all of this, Jack reminds her that he doesn't care about presents — he cares about the traditions they have together.

One of the sweetest moments in the episode comes when Rebecca monologues to her unborn babies. Mandy Moore does a spectacular job capturing all of Rebecca's emotions — elation over meeting the babies soon, fear over not being a good enough mother, and sheer wonderment of being pregnant with triplets. She makes promises to the babies for when they arrive, and tells them all about how much they'll love their father.

This makes it all-the-more painful when we relive scenes from the pilot that end with Rebecca losing the baby, and Jack being forced to tell her. Both actors deserve all of the awards for the way they portray this couple, both separately and together. But even in the midst of harrowing pain, there is joy as "The Big Day" chronicles the moment Jack and Rebecca decide to adopt Randall. 

You have to take the good with the bad, after all. This Is Us taught us that from the very beginning, and I think it's a noble message. Not many shows on television these days are founded in the hope of humankind and its spirit. With 2017 just beginning but uncertainty after uncertainty piling up on the horizon, I'm happy there is a show that I can escape to that contains this promise.

... Even if I do have to cry while learning its lessons.

And now, bonus points:

• "Life has enough twists," says Dr. K. when his son and daughter-in-law prompt him to go see Star Wars because of the twist ending.
• This might be the first episode all season that doesn't feature any of the adult children, right?
• I don't know how, but this show made me cry during scenes I've already seen in the pilot.

What did you think of this week's This Is Us? Sound off in the comments below!

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This Is Us 1x11 Review: "The Right Thing To Do" (The Ends, The Middles, and The Means)

"The Right Thing To Do"

Original Airdate: January 10, 2017

We've all done things we don't want to do because it's the "right thing." That's why most of us showed up for our SATs in high school, and try to get our daily eight hours of sleep each night. Sometimes doing the right thing is easy — it comes naturally and we do it happily. But sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do in order to become better people or better the lives of the people around us. In this week's This Is Us episode, we got the chance to witness a few of our key characters making difficult decisions for the greater good. When Olivia reappears in Kevin's life, he rejects her presence in the play and her advances, citing that choosing Sloane isn't what he necessarily most wants, but it's the right thing. And in the past, when Jack and Rebecca find out that they're having triplets, Jack decides to do something unthinkable in order to get enough money to buy a house for Rebecca and their growing family. As always, This Is Us was a return to (emotional) form, with the core emotional story being Jack/Rebecca (and a few sub-stories in Kate/Toby and Randall/William).

DO THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS?

We open this week's episode with a flashback of a young Jack standing up to his abusive dad for his mom. When they're alone, his mother asks Jack to promise that he'll never be like his father. And honestly, Jack isn't. His dad is physically abusive and angry and selfish, venomously tearing down his son and Jack's mother. When Jack and Rebecca learn that they're having triplets, it's not ideal. They just paid the deposit on a two-bedroom apartment with a six floor walk-up. The couple begins to panic and struggles to come up with a way to make their new situation work. 

Over lunch, Rebecca gets passive-aggresively berated by her mother who is, in fact, the worst. Jack tries to ask for a raise at work, and gets a minimal one — not nearly enough to cover the cost of a new place, since they won't get their deposit back on the apartment. So both Jack and Rebecca are driven to the edge of a cliff, and it's one that we've all been to: what are they willing to do in the short-term in order to achieve their goals in the long-term? Because the truth is that Jack and Rebecca are smart, wonderful characters who want to make their marriage and family work. They want to be able to provide for their kids and unfortunately, it's just not a possibility. So what must they sacrifice in order to put their children first?

For Rebecca, it's legitimately contemplating an offer for her and Jack to move in with her mother for a month or two after the babies are born. Rebecca's mother is insufferable, and Rebecca knows it. Living with her would be toxic, and undoubtedly put a heavy strain on Rebecca and Jack's marriage and their future as parents. Jack dismisses the option to move in and then accidentally hears Rebecca breaking down crying under the stress of their future. So that is when Jack makes a decision: he drives to a house, removes his wedding ring, and knocks on the door.

It's his father.

Jack is so desperate to provide for his family — to be the kind of man who Rebecca needs and deserves — that he asks his deadbeat father for money. The ends justify the means to Jack, even if he has to lie to Rebecca about how he got enough money to afford the fixer-upper home that he purchases, he will be the kind of father who is there for his kids. Jack, as a character, is characterized by his sacrifices. He is willing to do whatever it takes to be the very best dad he can for his children. They are his world and they are his priority. Asking his father for money and selling his car are sacrifices Jack is willing to make and wounds he's willing to re-open if it means he will create a home for his family. That's why I love this character so much. Where Jack is more idealistic, though, Rebecca is more pragmatic. When he takes her to their new home (which is barely constructed), Rebecca thinks he's crazy. 

But there's a moment in which Jack asks Rebecca, "can you see it?" as he points out where a bathroom will be and what a nursery will look like. And in that moment, Rebecca CAN picture it. It's a work-in-progress, and it required sacrifice. But it's theirs. And so are their future triplets.

THE BIG THREE

In case you forgot what happened before the show's hiatus, Toby was hospitalized and underwent surgery. We were meant to believe he probably died (he did not). As it turns out, Toby had arrhythmia, and brushes it off as nothing. Kate, of course, is worried about his health and even more so when Toby's doctor reveals that Toby has a small hole in his heart that requires surgery to repair, lest it cause him issues. Toby refuses to have the surgery because he's scared, leading to a fight between him and Kate. But he changes his mind, has the surgery, and confesses his love to Kate right beforehand. After he wakes up from surgery, Kate reciprocates his love, Toby tells her he would marry the crap out of her, and all is well in their story for this week.

As you might have guessed by the brief synopsis, I'm not really a fan of the whole Toby/Kate relationship. Personally, I find Toby to be absolutely insufferable and nothing he does endears me toward him. Kate deserves better, and I want her to be with someone better. Alas, it looks like Toby is here to stay.

Meanwhile, Kevin literally says the words "the right thing to do," in regards to his relationship with Sloane. I appreciate the way Kevin has seemed to grow since the pilot episode. He's definitely not the most emotionally available person, but spending time with his siblings seems to have made him more empathetic. He really does care about Sloane, but when Olivia reappears, Kevin becomes conflicted. They had a powerful connection, but Olivia is self-absorbed and dangerous because of it. She didn't care about Kevin as much as he did about her, and — as he pointed out — she didn't know how do do or be anything real.

When Olivia tries to get back into the play and reignite her relationship with Kevin, he rejects her and tells her that he cares about Sloane — that being with her is the right thing to do, even if it's not necessarily what he wants. Sloane, of course, overhears this and is hurt. Though Kevin tried to be admirable, I think his focus was misaligned. He's spent so much time around Randall, who always (almost) does the right thing, that Kevin didn't realize your motives for your actions say more about your character than the actions themselves.

I hope Kevin and Sloane can repair their relationship though, because they're quite cute.

And finally, Randall — under Beth's recommendation — tries to get to know William's former flame, Jesse, better. The two men have started to spend more time together again and it makes Randall uncomfortable. At first, he can't figure out why and incorrectly assumes it's because he has some deep-seated homophobia (he does not). But at the end of the episode, Randall confronts the real reason for his reluctance to get to know Jesse: he feels like William is just distancing himself again by getting closer to someone he used to be comfortable with.

After all Randall and William have already been through, the former feels slighted and doesn't want William's half-hearted excuses again. He doesn't want to be placed on the back-burner in favor of comfort and familiarity. But what William confesses is even more painful than anything Randall could have imagined: his medicine has stopped working. Instead of feeling better, William constantly feels sick. Jesse has been taking him around to visit care facilities so that Randall doesn't have to watch him die.

While Randall is surprised by this news, unsurprising to us all is his unwillingness to let his father die alone. They are a family, however unconventional, and Randall will remain by William's side as long as William still has breath. It's a powerful final scene between Sterling K. Brown (who should have won the Globe for this role) and Ron Cephas. Their relationship feels so real, so raw, and so intense that each week, I forget Randall and William aren't real characters. William decides to stop chemotherapy, and you can tell that the decision breaks Randall's heart in two (and deeply hurts William, who is scared, sick, in pain, and also rapidly approaching the end of his life).

But sometimes — This Is Us reminds us — the right thing to do is also the most painful.

Stray thoughts & memorable quotes:

• You might notice that I'm not Bibi. She's unable to continue to write This Is Us recaps, so I'll be taking over in her absence! Be patient with me as these may not be as timely as this week's was.
• "I could ask." "They were pretty firm about it." "I could CRY." That's my life motto, really.
• I don't say enough how amazing Milo Ventimiglia is as Jack. He always nails the emotional beats of the episode and the scene where Jack accidentally hears Rebecca crying was just so painfully real. (Bonus fun fact: I've just started my first ever binge-watch of Gilmore Girls, and I recently approached Jess' first episodes so now I appreciate young Milo and adult Milo!)
• Beth and Randall are relationship goals. Seriously.
• "What's wrong with Long Island?" "... I don't know, I've just heard other New Yorkers slam it and I wanted to fit in."
• I love scenes where The Big Three are together. More please!
• "I'm trying to be taking seriously for the first time in my adult life."

What did you think of this week's episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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This Is Us 1x09 Recap: "The Trip" (It Takes A Village)

"The Trip"

Original Airdate: November 29, 2016

It's funny how places can hold special memories for us. There are some places we step into that feel like time has stood still, no matter how long it has been since we've last visited. Houses have wall-to-wall memories sometimes — be them good or bad ones — that are impossible to shake. For the Pearson kids, it's their family cabin. On this week's This Is Us, we finally get some sibling bonding time as the entirety of the present-day story takes place at the family cabin. The kids want to make one more trip there before their mother puts it on the market. Unfortunately, no one is really in the best mood to sift through the cabin for memories. Randall, fresh from his mother's betrayal last week, is bitter and filters everything at the cabin through that lens. Kate is still trying to navigate a relationship with Toby, even though they've broken up. And Kevin invites some of his theatre friends to the cabin — including British Girlfriend (yup, I'm still refusing to call her by her real name) — much to Kate's dismay.

This episode is about all of the siblings and their relationship with the cabin (and their parents), but a majority of the episode is given to Randall as he process his anger in the present-day and we learn about his search for his birth parents in the past. Sterling K. Brown is, as usual, the shining star of this episode but Mandy Moore really brought her A-game and allowed us to see a different side of Rebecca.

   

PART OF THE FAMILY

Randall has always felt different within his own family, and that's understandable. He's adopted, so in the flashbacks in "The Trip," we find a young Randall curious about his birth family. As we know from previous episodes, he's drawn to black families and constantly wonders whether or not they could be his real parents. After talking with their friend, Jack and Rebecca decide it's time for Randall to have more black male role models in his life in order to help him.

But there's a deeper conversation that Jack and Rebecca have, and that's one involving whether or not they should truly look for Randall's birth parents. Rebecca, of course, already knows William. And so it hurts extra hard for us, the audience, watching her tip-toe around the subject and refuse to search for Randall's family. What if the parents are drug addicts or deadbeats? But then Rebecca asks something that's painful: what if they're great? What if they're so great that Randall doesn't want to be a part of the Pearson family anymore? What if they don't have any legal recourse (since Randall was left at a fire station) for keeping him and Randall will eventually return to his birth family?

Rebecca's been a difficult character to understand in this show. On the one hand, she's a fierce mom who will do whatever it takes to protect her children. But on the other hand, she's blatantly lying to her son and her husband in the flashbacks. And she's forced to carry the weight of that lie (something I'll talk about in a minute).

Transitioning back to the present-day for a moment, Randall continues to deal with his anger over his mother's lies. When he accidentally drinks a smoothie with shrooms in it (something one of Kevin's theatre buddies brought to the cabin), he begins to hallucinate. And who does he specifically hallucinate? His father. I've always thought the relationship between Jack and Randall is really interesting and complex. It's something we see in the flashbacks in this episode, where Jack is trying to be the kind of father and role model Randall needs. And it's evident in the present-day, where Jack tries to teach Randall the depths of Rebecca's pain.

Most important of all though, Jack tells Randall that he was never a replacement for the baby the couple lost. He wasn't a choice to make — he was a fact. He was their son, plain and simple. It's an incredibly powerful moment because that's what Randall has most needed to hear for so long. It was amazing to watch This Is Us spin adoption into something different than a choice that the couple made. Randall was theirs, and he's as much of a son to Jack and Rebecca as Kevin is. Randall isn't this abstract concept; he's a real human being and I think that's pretty amazing for the show to depict adoption in this way.

In the flashbacks, Randall begins taking karate lessons and this is where one of the most powerful scenes of the episode comes in: Jack is instructed by the sensei to get down on the ground in a push-up position. Little Randall climbs onto his back and Jack is instructed to do push-ups while promising to take care of his child. It's a touching moment, made even more touching by the fact that when he's permitted to stop doing the push-ups, Jack refuses. He says he won't stop, and it's this tear-inducing moment where you realize that Jack is always going to fight for his children, even if it exhausts him and even if it takes all of the energy he has in his body.

He will be the rock for his family, and they'll never fall as long as he's around.

(Aaaaaaaaaaand cue sobs.)

Bu the most important lesson that Jack and Rebcca learn in the flashbacks is that when they tire, they will have a community of people who will support Randall. After Jack is too tired to keep holding up Randall, the sensei tells Randall to climb onto the backs of the other black fathers in the class. He does, and they each support him like they would their own child. It's a really beautiful example of the power of community. You know the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"? Well, this was This Is Us' version of that.

   

LOCKED DOORS

One of the best scenes in this series thus far is the scene Jack reveals to Randall what it was like for Rebecca to hold the secret of Randall's parentage in for 36 years. Randall first sees the cabin as a place where the memories are tainted because of what his mother did. He can only see her lies when he looks upon memories of them playing games and sharing laughter at the cabin. But that's an optical illusion, just like the painting hanging in the cabin itself. Jack tells Randall to relax his eyes and to look through the memories and through the lies.

When he does, Randall sees the loneliness of Rebecca. He sees her desperation to protect her children, to protect herself. It's not clear what all Rebecca struggled with, but her childhood and adulthood weren't perfect. She has her own demons to battle and secrets to keep away. But she battled them every day in order to keep her family safe. Rebecca carrying the secret around for years wasn't pleasant or enjoyable — it was one more burden she had to bear every single day, and it was as isolating and terrifying as being alone in a cabin.

Mandy Moore did an amazing job conveying all of Rebecca's emotions in that scene, wordlessly. And as Randall sees his mother for the person she was — a lonely woman trying to protect her family while fighting battles every single day — he begins to soften ever-so-slightly. The episode ends with Randall, Kevin, and Kate driving up to their mother's house. Randall tells Rebecca that he is not ready to reconcile with her just yet. But he does tell her that he understands the loneliness she felt, the pain she endured, and is willing to at least see her at Christmas. It's a really subtle but incredible moment of character growth for Randall, and I'm so excited to see this relationship evolve as they work toward reconciliation. 

Other stuff:

• I didn't discuss it above because it wasn't as important as the main plot, but Kate and Kevin fought because he brought friends to the cabin. "Friends" is a loose term — they're just people who believe they're too cool and he's trying to impress. Kate doesn't understand why Kevin is being someone he's not, and why these people are infringing on their family time. Eventually, BG proves that she's a terrible person (she brought her ex-boyfriend to the cabin, and failed to tell Kevin who he was), and Kevin kicks the group out (minus the one nice girl who he — of course — ends up sleeping with). Kate, meanwhile, is the one person really excited to be at the cabin and is sharing her adventures with Toby. Unfortunately, they're not at a place where they can be friends since she broke up with him. OH, TOO BAD. (I don't like Toby.)
• "What are you writing, babe?" "A list of reasons I'm mad at my mother."
• "She's BRITISH. She speaks ENGLISH."
• "I'm sorry. I love you, but I want to punch you."
• Have I mentioned how happy it makes me that The Big Three were finally all together again?
• "I'm not sure you've ever experienced anything real your entire life." DRAG HER, KEVIN. 

What did you all think of this week's This Is Us? Sound off in the comments below!

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This Is Us 1x08 Recap: "Pilgrim Rick" (Dysfunctional But Traditional Thanksgivings)

"Pilgrim Rick"

Original Airdate: November 22, 2016

Thanksgivings are often a time of year in which all of a family's dysfunctions are on full display. Maybe you're one of the rare families that doesn't have drama during the holidays. But for most families, Thanksgiving is the first time an entire family, or side of the family, is together. That can stir up old arguments, feelings, and incite new drama. If you haven't noticed already, the Pearson clan isn't exactly drama-free. Even in the flashbacks of This Is Us, the kids fight with one another, Kate struggles with her weight issues and relationship with her mom, and even Jack and Rebecca seem to be on thin ice with their arguing. "Pilgrim Rick" is the absolute perfect way to bring all of the family tension — both in the past and present — to a head. The result is an emotional episode that leaves us with potentially even more fractured relationships than before.

IN THE PAST...

Jack and Rebecca are preparing for another Thanksgiving spent with her parents. It causes her immense stress, and she wants everything to go perfectly. I like the little glimpse we get into Rebecca's family life because apart from the tiny flashback in "The Game Plan," we really haven't seen much of her family life. We can assume, however, that her parents put a lot of pressure on Rebecca to have the perfect family. And, unfortunately, they seem resistant to Randall being a part of that family. En route to Rebecca's parents' house, Rebecca works on making her second batch of cranberry sauce of the day (the first, having been ruined by the boys earlier), when the family car's tire blows out and sends them straight through a fence.

Thankfully, no one is hurt in the accident but everyone is understandably shaken up. The family emerges from the vehicle, in the middle of nowhere, and decides that their only option is to walk to a gas station 3.4 miles away. Already tired, the kids and Rebecca follow Jack. The gas station isn't much help — there's no way a tow truck will come out on Thanksgiving night, and after a disastrous call with her parents, Rebecca realizes she doesn't want to even spend Thanksgiving with them anyway.

Cue the Pearson clan starting their own Thanksgiving traditions.

I love traditions. I think it's really awesome when I hear of families who give certain gifts or do certain things around the holidays, and have for years. Even though it's not an ideal Thanksgiving, the group decides to make it their own. When they check into a little motel, the front desk associate (who has named himself Pilgrim Rick) directs them to a room whose furnace is stuck and doesn't have a working television. Hot, hungry, and tired, the kids and Rebecca are ready to call the holiday quits. But Jack is not ready to give up that easily. He has an idea, and is prepared to save Thanksgiving for everyone.

Since the furnace is permanently broken, Jack returns from his trip out with a movie (Police Academy 3), the gas station hot dogs from earlier, and a plan: they'll cook cheese dogs rolled in crushed up crackers. They'll watch the movie together. And they'll do it all with Jack impersonating Pilgrim Rick. This sends the kids into a fit of giggles, and helps their spirits brighten. Later, Rebecca adds to their family's traditions: they'll use a ball of yarn to throw back and forth to one another (without letting go of their end) and say what they're thankful for. It's a cute tradition that carries into the present-day, as do a lot of the traditions.

I think that's my favorite part of traditions, really: you don't know how long they can last and how many people they can affect until you start them. And Jack and Rebcca's legacies live on through their children and grandchildren. Which brings us to...

 A THANKSGIVING DEBACLE

If you'll recall from last week's episode, Beth learned that William and Rebecca met and knew one another since Randall was born. Randall is unaware that his mother not only had a relationship with William but instructed him to stay away from her son. Beth has been stressing out about this information (understandably so), and confronts Rebecca as soon as the woman arrives for Thanksgiving. Beth's unanswered phone calls seemed like Rebecca's answer, but just to drive home how serious she is, Beth provides an ultimatum: either Rebecca tells Randall this huge secret by the end of the day, or she will.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Beth? Because while I really love Randall a lot (and I'll talk about Sterling K. Brown's performance later on), Beth is this incredibly fierce, resilient, fun, and compassionate woman who doesn't get enough credit for holding her family together. I love her so much.

Speaking of Thanksgiving traditions, Kevin invites his British Girlfriend — EW tells me that her name is Olivia but for now, she'll just get called BG because that's how little I like her — over for Thanksgiving. Apparently BG can only filter real events through the lens of acting (kind of like we saw when she "taught" Kevin how to grieve) because the only reason she agrees is because it seems like Thanksgiving will be dramatic. She says something about never staying for Thanksgiving until dessert and later on, Kevin does a sweet thing and brings her pie which sets off BG who tells him that she just can't be what he wants her to be. You can't be... a girl who eats pie? This part of "Pilgrim Rick" was odd, because we (or I, at least) don't care enough about BG for her to be a focal point in a Thanksgiving-centric story, but it does provide us with a fantastic mini-monologue from William to BG about not wasting your life and your time — about making the most of moments. At least THAT seems to stick with her.

Kevin has another conflict in this episode though, and it's Miguel. If you'll recall from the flashbacks, Jack absorbed the role of "Pilgrim Rick" in order to entertain his family. He told an absurd tall tale about the character, but everyone loved it. In the family, Pilgrim Rick visits every Thanksgiving — with Randall and Kevin alternating years they play the role — and Miguel wants to play the part this year. I'll just let the EW recap of this episode sum up my feelings about that: Why is he so insistent upon assuming Jack’s traditional duty? I totally get he wants to feel included, but he already took his dead friend’s wife — does he really need his Pilgrim, hat too?

(Seriously, Miguel, why are you so insistent on playing dad?)

Eventually, Kevin decides to make the sacrifice and lets Miguel wear the Pilgrim hat and be Pilgrim Rick. What a guy.

KATE MAKES A DECISION

I love Kate's journey so far, because it's realistic. She's struggling not just with her weight but with happiness in general and who she is vs. who she wants to be. A roadblock to her ultimate happiness? Toby. I've never liked Toby. Occasionally he gets a funny line or something, but mostly he struck me as this arrogant, myopic jerk who thought he could be what Kate needed without changing. And maybe Toby doesn't want to change — maybe he is okay with who he is and would rather be happy binge-eating than unhappy losing weight. But that's not Kate. And that is not who she wants.

Toby does not take priority over Kate's happiness, and I am so thankful for this. It would be easy for This Is Us to go on a very trope-y route — to make Kate's journey all about finding love and self-acceptance through a relationship — but I'm glad they're not. Kate has learned that there are people in our lives who may care about us but that doesn't mean they're healthy for us. Right now, Kate's focus needs to be on what makes her happy. And Toby is just as unhealthy as a bag of gas station donuts.

While on the flight back home, Kate's plane hits turbulence that scares the passenger next to her so much that she reaches out for Kate's hand (aww). The passenger then declares that she's getting a divorce from her cheating husband. Life is too short to spend it unhappy. And it's too short to resist making changes we know are right for us. Kate hates having to break up with Toby, but she does it anyway. Because she knows, eventually, it will be the healthiest thing for her. 

And then, at the family dinner, Kate declares that she is getting gastric bypass surgery. The news doesn't go over super well, but that's only because family drama erupted moments before she arrived.

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE

On an errand to William's apartment on Thanksgiving, Randall notices a letter with his mother's handwriting. Upon reading it, he is distraught: Rebecca not only knows William but regularly has corresponded with him. Of course, Randall cannot keep this information to himself and he explodes at dinner at his mother for the way she lied to him his entire life.

The scene is played to perfection by Sterling K. Brown and Mandy Moore. I genuinely felt for Randall, who has spent his entire life feeling abandoned but has always sought solace in his mother. The relationship between Randall and Rebecca is really important in this series, because she chose him and continues to choose him even when things are difficult in his childhood. She protects him and cares about him. And, as the men pointed out last week, she always treated him like the favorite. Randall was the good child, and because of that, he built up a relationship with his mother based on trust and mutual respect — even into adulthood.

I can imagine that there are so many moments we have not even seen yet — Randall growing up, the loss of Jack, etc. — that have been formative in their relationship, but this one (however painful) will be added to that list. Rebecca tries to explain her reasons for keeping William out of Randall's life, but he won't have it. His mother lied to him, plain and simple, even after knowing how desperate he was to find his family. She kept that a secret from him — she kept part of his identity a secret. As he also rightly points out, Randall is lucky to have found William on his own when he did. Otherwise, he might not have ever known where he came from.

And that would have been on Rebecca.

By the end of the dinner, Rebecca is in tears and so is Randall. He can't even look at his mother, he's so disgusted. It's an incredibly emotional, incredibly powerful scene (undercut slightly by BG talking about how great the drama is) that may just be a turning point in Rebecca and Randall's relationship moving forward.

I don't know about y'all and your Thanksgiving dinners, but I hope this year they weren't nearly as bad as THAT.

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This Is Us 1x07 Recap: “The Best Washing Machine in the Whole World” (Bonding) [Guest Poster: Bibi]

“The Best Washing Machine in the Whole World”

Original Airdate: November 15, 2016

In this week’s episode of This Is Us, we focused a lot on Kevin and Randall’s relationship. We start by seeing them as teenagers and not getting along. They fight over everything and super competitive as teenagers in the past, and in present day too. Beth brings this to Randall’s attention after his “run” with Kevin. She says they don't spend any real time together. With them currently living in the same house, Randall thinks they are bonding, but they still don't know each other. Kevin and Randall have dinner scheduled with their mom that night, so they figure that'll be a great time to catch up. When their mom cancels at the last minute, Randall and Kevin are forced to spend time alone.

Meanwhile, William is getting worse. His cancer and chemotherapy have him in a lull and nauseated. Beth opens up to William about her father’s death to lung cancer and his journey. She suggests that eat “adult” brownies after putting the girls to bed, in an attempt to help him get his appetite back. While eating their brownies, Beth confides in William that Kevin is overstaying his welcome. She also reveals that she grew up in a house with 14 people and really wanted to live alone because of this. She wasn't planning to get married or have kids, and then she met Randall. Her whole life changed. Conversely, William — after giving Randall up at birth — has lived his whole life alone until now. Now, he has a family and is dreading his impending death. It was easier to accept when it was just him, but now he will leave a family behind. He quotes this poem and Beth knows it, saying that she recognizes it from a book Randall has. In his inebriated state, William slips and tells Beth that it is from the book he gave Rebecca back in the day. Beth, who is absolutely incredible, doesn't let him get out of this. She wants an explanation.

Kate continues to struggle with her weight and meanwhile, Toby is thriving. What takes her weeks of workouts and dieting yields minimal results compared to Toby. She is happy for him and trying to be supportive, but visibly discouraged in her own journey. She takes some time for herself before heading to Toby’s place to apologize. She finds him binge-eating and he reveals that dieting is making him feel miserable, so he's decided to stop.

Toby promises to eat clean while with her, but when he's own his own, he’ll indulge in what he desires. They have a date night, and — true to his word — Toby orders the same healthy option as Kate. When it comes time to get dessert, he declines, but Kate stops him and tells him to at least look. She knows if he doesn't eat dessert there, he will go home and binge with his “food mistress.” He gets dessert and Kate just watches. I’m not sure how much longer their relationship can sustain this, though. Kate is really struggling and trying to win this battle with losing weight. But at the end of the episode, she goes to a convenience store and picks up some donuts. She needs a truly supportive partner who will be in the trenches with her throughout her journey, rather than Toby who is on the sidelines. Especially because losing weight is something Kate desires so much.

In the past, Rebecca is about to get back into singing — years after taking a break to raise the children. Although Jack is understandably swamped closing deals in his career, he does seem a bit detached from his home life.  Kevin has a huge scout coming to the football game — the one in which he's playing against Randall — and after moving his big closing meeting around, Jack is able to make it to the game. Earlier in the episode (after still struggling and failing to connect with Kevin), Randall went to Kate for advice. She suggested using humor as an olive branch to help them with their communication. Kevin completely shut Randall down and told him to get a life. Fast forward to the game, and they are fighting on the field.

At dinner in the present-day, Kevin takes Randall to a restaurant where he knows the owner and a lot of other high profile celebrities frequent. He runs into his co-star from The Manny, and it is in that moment that it is revealed that Randall has never seen an episode. Kevin, understandably hurt, walks out on their dinner. Randall chases after Kevin, and brings up a good point that while Kevin is so angry that he didn't watch the show, he doesn't know what Randall does for a living either. Eventually, after seeing a billboard of the new Manny reboot with a black man, Kevin is finally honest with Randall. Kevin, needing approval from his parents, felt like Randall was given special treatment as a child because he was black and adopted — that he was made to feel special and accepted every day.

In turn, Randall is honest with Kevin and told him that he treated him like a dog. While Kevin wanted his parents’ approval, Randall spent all of his time trying to win Kevin’s approval and was shut out over and over again. Kevin felt like Randall always tried to show him up and if Randall hadn't been in the family, then he would've shined a bit brighter. Imagine who they both could be and the relationship they could have if they weren't so competitive — if supported each other in every way. Of course, the men start fighting in the middle of the street. But once Seth Meyers casually interrupts and they both realize a crowd is coming — and Randall is “still black” — they move on. Ha!

As they drive home, Randall admits to Kevin that their mom did favor him more. He wanted Kevin to like and love him so much, that he took everything he could from their mom as a replacement for what he wasn't getting from Kevin. He tells Kevin that in 36 years, Kevin's never really told people that Randall is his brother. And for the first time, Kevin hears him and truly understands.

Meanwhile, inside, Beth is furious that Rebecca lied to Randall all of these years about not knowing William. Beth wants to tell Randall, but William convinces her not to, and to consider what that will do to the relationship he so dearly treasures with Rebecca. She doesn't have a chance to tell Randall, because Randall and Kevin come back during the conversation. Beth moved Kevin to the basement, so when the two men return, they decide to hang out more and watch Kevin’s Manny episodes. Beth does, however, call Rebecca and leaves her a voicemail to call back.

What did you think about the episode? How much tension can a pair of brothers have? Apparently 36 years’ worth, geez. Let’s hope they’ve finally worked through this. I loved William and Rebecca bonding. Do you think Rebecca will be open with Beth? And how will this impact Randall and Beth’s relationship? What's going on with Jack in the flashbacks? Also, what was with the woman at Jack’s office?

Share your thoughts below!

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This Is Us 1x05 Recap: “The Game Plan” (#WhereIsJack) [Guest Poster: Bibi]

“The Game Plan”

Original Airdate: October 25, 2016

In this week’s episode of This Is Us, we get a brief glimpse of Rebecca’s life as a child, and see her parents — her mom serving her father and the kids not being allowed to interact with dad as he watched football. It is from these moments that we see and discover why she is so hesitant to have children with Jack in the future. She doesn't want to become her parents. So when Rebecca and Jack get married, he teaches her about football, so she won’t become her mother. She eventually becomes a super fan, and they bond over Steelers football.

Meanwhile in the present-day, Kevin has shown up at Randall and Beth’s home and wants to spend time with his brother and family, in an attempt to likely stop feeding his insecurities about the play. Randall has a full house, so he decides that he and Beth deserve Kevin’s hotel room to take time for themselves just for the night. Kevin has to agree to watch the girls with William, while Randall and Beth spend some time alone.

Kate and Toby are doing well, and she surprises him with breakfast in bed. He asks her out, and she says no. It is Sunday Night Football with the Steelers playing and she likes to watch the game alone. He thinks it's weird, and — in traditional Toby fashion — he inserts his way into joining her for football.

In flashbacks, Rebecca and Jack are at the bar waiting for Miguel and his wife. They are enjoying football, until Rebecca keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that she doesn’t want children and thinks that they’ll ruin their dynamic. Jack shrugs her comments off at first, but then they really start to bother him. The whole episode, as Miguel and his wife share stories of their two kids at home, Jack wants more and more to start a family with Rebecca. Rebecca is still very hesitant about the whole thing.

Meanwhile, Toby invites another “football enthusiast” to the house to watch the Steelers play. Kate, thinking it would just be the two of them — especially when she was so adamant about being alone — isn’t welcoming. Toby has obviously told his friend about her and is excited about the interaction, but Kate is solely focused on football. It makes her seem standoffish to Toby. And while that isn't her intent, to be fair, she did stress the importance of watching the game alone. Toby pauses the game to have conversation, and Kate asks him to un-pause the game. Toby doesn't seem to get how important this really is to her.

At the hotel, Randall is just so excited to have some kid-free romantic time with Beth. He is like an eager newlywed in this hotel room and Beth clearly doesn’t have the same level of enthusiasm. Beth tells him she’s late and feels terrible and could potentially be pregnant. This definitely puts a damper on the mood and they go to the pharmacy together to get a pregnancy test. It is in the pharmacy that Randall really has a meltdown. He starts talking about how a third kid will ruin his Charleston retirement dreams.  She informs him that this wasn’t planned and her birth control is new, so there was a window of time where they could get pregnant. They aren't happy about this, but they head back to the hotel to take the test. Once they settle in, they start to think about what their lives could be like with a third kid and really start to not hate it. So when they find out that they are not pregnant, they are relieved.

Kevin, watching the girls and William a little bit too, decides to let the family help him run lines for his new play. It is in this moment that they get into a conversation about death. The girls are curious and Kevin does a great job of scaring them into thinking William, their parent, and everyone they care about deeply will die and there is nothing they can do about it. Bless his heart, he was trying to have an open and honest conversation with them about the circle of life, but it ended up just scaring (and probably scarring) them. Once William takes them to bed, he comes down and has pep talk with Kevin.

Kevin is struggling so much with this play because he is insecure about his acting abilities. He doesn't think he’s good enough to step out and do something different with his career. William tells him that not only was The Manny one of his favorite programs, but Kevin needs to stop doubting himself and trust his instincts in his career and with this play.

In the bar, Jack and Rebecca get into a heated debate about children. It is not the ideal place, but Jack says because his father only paid attention to him while he watched football, he always envisioned that he would bring the tradition of football to his kids. When he met Rebecca, he knew immediately he wanted his kids to be with her. She doesn't know what’s wrong with her, but she does know that she doesn't want to become her parents. And maybe that fear is what’s pushing her to be the exact opposite of them. Eventually, they make up and we find out that they conceived Kate and Kevin that very night in the bar.

Kate goes home with Toby in tow, and he wants to know why she's been acting weird. In a moment that I predicted — but yet still wept through — Kate tells Toby about her dad. The tradition of watching football is because of him. She watches the Steelers “alone,” but really she watches with her dad in spirit. He is dead and Toby gets to meet his ashes in that very moment. She opens up to him in a beautiful scene that really shows how deeply she loved and misses her dad.

In an attempt to gain his nieces’ trust and affection again, Kevin does something bold and shares a piece of himself that not even Kate knows. Every time Kevin gets a new project, he paints how it makes him feel. He shows the girls the painting that he did for this play. This play is about life and death, and he talks about Jack, his grandfather, and more. He talks about how even though people leave us physically, we carry them everywhere we go. We carry their memories with us always.

Guys, I wept. It’s been a tough week for me anyway, as a person I loved dearly who is no longer here would've celebrated a birthday this week. And to say that this show became a moment of therapy for me is an understatement. At any rate, Kevin redeems himself from the fear earlier ignited, and his nieces get a better understanding of not only the circle of life, but their uncle as well.

While Kevin is talking, we see a montage of things: Kate and Toby watching another Steelers game with the lucky hat Jack gave her on his urn. Then we also see Randall in the girls’ room, crying after packing up William’s things, presumably after he’s passed. While we don’t know which part of the timeline this is — and we don’t know when we lose Jack — the parallels of seeing Randall and knowing he's lost both his fathers is heartbreaking. This Is Us, please stop making my life so challenging!

What did you think about the episode? Did you know that Jack was dead? For me, Rebecca still wearing the necklace pretty much gave it away. And how cute was it to see the relationship between Kevin and his nieces?!

Share your thoughts below!

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This Is Us 1x04 Recap: "The Pool" (Our Very Own Origin Story)

"The Pool"

Original Airdate: October 18, 2016

First off, surprise! I'm not Bibi. I'm your friendly Just About Write editor-in-chief, Jenn, who is filling in for Bibi while she's at a work conference. I'm falling in love with This Is Us just as much as everyone pretty much is — it's this quiet, emotional show that fills the Parenthood-sized hole in my heart. Thank you, NBC, for coming through for me again with a stellar family drama. And that's really what this show is about, at its core: family. But this week we also experience something else pretty important, and that's the subject of identity.

I'm a huge fan of origin stories. I think some of the best parts of movies involving superheroes and villains are when we get to see who they were before they donned masks. I love when shows explore backstory, like every flashback episode of Friends or New Girl. I love those moments because understanding who a character was or how they were raised or what they experienced along their journey helps us relate to and understand them more in the present. So when we see Randall bristle during his daughter's play at the laughter around him or watch as Kevin calls Kate over and over again, we understand why these characters are the way they are.

This week, I'm going to explore the origin stories one by one, and talk about what they revealed to us about the characters and their motivations.

JACK AND REBECCA

We're told, thanks to previews, that we'll get to see Jack and Rebecca's "true" origin story next week — what they were like before they had the triplets in their lives — but I would consider "The Pool" to be an important origin story nevertheless. Because for as much as we've cooed and flailed over how adorable these two are, this week we got a deeper glimpse into their flaws as parents and as people. And I think that's really crucial if This Is Us wants to tell a long-lasting story. Perfect characters are unrealistic, and perfect parenting would mean that Jack and Rebecca had three little robots instead of children. 

Because for as much as they've tried, Jack and Rebecca are still human and they're still stumbling and falling in this quest to parent their triplets successfully. In "The Pool," we get to see a few of these issues with each child (which carry over heavily into the present-day stories): Jack and Rebecca tend to ignore Kevin and make him responsible for looking out for Randall; Jack and Rebecca try to parent Randall exactly the same as their biological children, which is only hurting him; Jack and Rebecca clash over how to protect Kate from the horrible people of the world who will make fun of her weight.

"The Pool" proves that Jack and Rebecca don't often do everything well. When they get to their destination, Rebecca immediately wants Kate to wear a shirt over her bathing suit (which she struts around in proudly because it has Care Bears on it). And when Randall wanders off to play with African-American families and children, she chastises him and snaps at the families. Then, because no one is paying attention to him, Kevin almost drowns while trying to chase his football and no one even bats an eye or looks over at him.

This isn't condemnation on Jack and Rebecca, who are trying their hardest to be good parents. And I think that if anything, this show makes us realize that we should give grace to them because they're trying. Their kids still ended up kind of messed up from their childhoods, but honestly... who of us didn't? The resolution that this storyline comes to though is that Jack and Rebecca will do anything for their kids. They might not always do it well, and they might mess up and admit it to their kids (parents admitting their failures to their kids is SO important, not just in television but in real life), but they're all in it together — they're a family. And the final shot of the episode reminds us that families stick together, whether they're happy or fighting. It's love that binds and that is not easily broken.

KATE

I'll start off with Kate's story, since it's probably the most clear-cut to talk about. Kate has always struggled with her weight and it's something that brings her immense insecurity, with good reason. In the flashbacks, we learn that while Kate proudly wore her Care Bears bikini to the pool, her friends did not think she was that cool. In fact, they signed a note and gave it to her calling her a pig and saying that they were embarrassed to be seen with her. Ouch.

First of all, kids are cruel and the worst. When I was in eighth grade, I just moved to a new state and was slipped a note that said something along the lines of: "You're ugly. Go back to where you came from." It was a horrible moment, and yet it was also a glorious one — because I looked so sad on the bus, a girl sat down next to me. And she became my best friend. We're still friends, fourteen years later!

But in spite of Jack's adorable speech to Kate about how much she's loved and will always be loved by him (and how he thinks she is a princess; seriously, I cannot get over that t-shirt moment), Kate has carried so many insecurities with her from the past to the present. In the present-day, as she has lunch with Toby, she notices him go off to the bathroom and be stopped by a fit young woman who — surprise! — is Toby's ex-wife. And because Kate is so insecure, she Facebook stalks the woman and then shows up at her boutique.

Accidentally assuming Kate was there for an opening at the store, Josie (I'm pretty sure that was her name but correct me in the comments) ends up hiring Kate. When Kate has to reveal this to Toby, it sends him on a rant that actually made me appreciate his character. I've been on the fence about Toby for a while now. On the one hand, some of the stuff he does and says sounds sweet; but a lot of it sounds kind of creepy and weird and pushy. But in Toby's speech, he is angry and incredulous that a woman can inspire self-confidence in Kate while he's been trying to get her to see how amazing she is for weeks.

To add salt to the wound, Toby reveals that his ex-wife is actually a terrible person, and that his scars run deeper than Kate knows — including revealing that he thought seriously about suicide at his lowest point. Kate is astounded, and I don't think even she knows why she is acting the way she is. Why does she crave attention from someone she envies? Because it boosts her self-esteem. A thin, seemingly put-together woman is what Kate aspires to be. So when Josie tells her how beautiful she is, Kate automatically feels better about herself. Josie isn't an angel, though: she's that girl at the pool that Kate desperately wanted to be, but who would turn around in a second and shut her down cruelly.

I'm definitely excited to see Kate develop more and face her insecurities head-on. It seems like she has some unresolved issues with her mother (understandably because of those childhood weight comments and insinuations), and I'm  hopeful we'll get some scenes with them in the present-day soon!

RANDALL

Can I just say that I love Randall and Beth so much? Because I do. I love their family unit and I love that Randall built himself a life without anyone helping him. And I love that this week we got the chance to see a lot of Randall's insecurities creep up, especially when William makes a fuss in front of neighbors. You've got Randall and William contrasted, both of whom are black men living in a world where some people look at the color of someone's skin as a threat or a hindrance. When a police officer confronts William and accuses him of loitering because Randall's (white, affluent) neighbors didn't know who he was, William begins to put up a fight but Randall stops him.

All Randall has ever wanted is to find his place. Growing up, he felt alone constantly and found solace at the pool with black kids and families. He makes notches in a little notebook that we learn — heartbreakingly — later are marks for each time Randall saw a black person growing up. I love that This Is Us has tackled the subject of interracial families especially in the time period it is set. Growing up, Rebecca and Jack weren't sure how differently to treat Randall. They wanted equality among the three, so much so that they almost gave him a matching name. But as William pointed out to Rebecca, the parents needed to let Randall be his own person. Rebecca is offended at the pool when the mother of a boy Randall is playing with insinuates that she doesn't know what's best for him.

At least, that's how Rebecca takes it. But in reality, this woman was trying to convey a hard truth — Rebecca can't treat Randall exactly the same. He needs a different barber who knows how to cut black hair, and he needs to do different things when he gets out of the pool. For as much as Rebecca and Jack try to isolate and protect their son, they're also isolating him from other people who care about him and can connect with him.

As an adult, Randall explains why he doesn't get externally angry about the subtle racism that he sees everyday. William is from the generation of marches and protests; Randall is from the one of slight jabs and biting stereotypes. He tries to keep composure because if he doesn't, he'll be mad all the time. And he can't do that. He just can't. 

But that doesn't mean things don't bother him. They do. Randall sits and watches people laugh at his daughter — his beautiful little black daughter — for playing Snow White. (Sidenote: people are the worst. The literal worst.) At the end of the night, Randall confesses all of this to his father, who turns the stories around and tells him that he's a good father and a good person. Randall's used to wonder who his father is and where he was and if he even cared. William, obviously, regrets the decisions he made and the promise to Rebecca in a lot of ways. But what I love is that even though Randall emerged from his childhood with some bitterness and baggage, he turned those things around into productivity. He's an amazing father and a husband and a person. And William makes sure that he knows that.

KEVIN

And lastly, we come to Kevin who recently decided to quit his popular multi-camera television comedy in order to pursue more serious acting endeavors. So he heads to New York City and auditions for a play, which fails miserably. Seriously, it's the most cringeworthy thing you'll watch on television all week. When Kevin meets his scene partner on the street and gets a drink with her, she advises him to go back hoe to Los Angeles and to stop pretending to find himself in a craft he doesn't know anything about. Unfortunately for her, in the very next instant, she gets a text notifying her that he got the part. The producers want to sell tickets and they think the former "Manny" star will help sell them.

Kevin has been kind of aimless for the last week or two, but it's understandable. His world is shaken up and he constantly relies on people around him for support. He wants to be recognized and noticed and he wants people to care about him all of the time. It stems from the fact that as a kid, Kevin was constantly ignored. So as an adult, he seeks out relationships and situations that make him feel adored. It leads him down the egotistical path, but we know he actually does have a heart of gold. Still, the issues with Kevin all come from the fact that he demands to be the center of everyone's universe — and no one more so than his sister.

And I get the pain that Kevin feels is the pain of abandonment. It's real and it's deep and he needs to find a way to cope with that. Unfortunately for right now, the pain of rejection and abandonment is cured by... finding someone else to occupy his time with! At the end of the episode, Kevin crashes with Randall and Beth and meets William. DUN-DUN-DUN.

This week gave us another solid episode of This Is Us, with some pretty down-to-earth but important emotional components and stories. What did you all think of "The Pool"? Sound off in the comments below!

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