Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Blindspot 1x09 " Authentic Flirt" (Formal Wear Feels) [Contributor: Jen]

"Authentic Flirt"
Original Airdate: November 16, 2015

Attention all Blindspot viewers... we have officially reached the formal wear episode. Yes, you read that correctly. "Authentic Flirt" featured Kurt and Jane in formal wear. Don't you just love television sweeps week?


Oh, Patterson! What a precious, pretty, puzzler you are. The little tiny letters tattoed all over Jane's body create an anagram. It leads to an online puppy forum that criminals overtook in order to communicate with one another. Did you hear that? Criminals are taking over puppy messaging boards. That's just dastardly and clearly, they must be stopped.

Robert Byrne is an accountatnt in the Witness Protection Program. He turned state's evidence against a mob boss and so, naturally, the mob boss is a little ticked off. As a result, the mob boss hires two assassins who are determined to kill Byrne... but first they have to find out where he actually is. Does anyone else feel bad for the brother who was tortured for his location? It's Witness Protection! That means that there is no contact with anyone on the outside, including family members. I know very little about Witness Protection but even I know that. Clearly, these assassins are not very good assassins. A U.S. Marshall, Alison Knight, reveals that the Witness Protection Program was hacked. Now, a list containing the location of over 200 witnesses is available for purchase to the highest bidder. Yeah... not good. Oh, and we'll get to talk about Alison herself, momentarily. Sit tight.

Other stuff happened, and Kurt and Jane (who are posing as the assassins) manage to intercept the list exchange. They arrest the bad guy and save the day! What's important to note, however, is Kurt and Jane posed as a married couple in formal wear. I am prepared to admit my concentration is slightly askew during the viewing of this week's Blindspot.


In previous weeks during my reviews, I jokingly referenced a certain character's impending doom because of his fine impersentation of a Hardy boy. Sadly, the chickens came home to roost this week. David pledges his undying love for Patterson, but she rejects him again because she's too busy with the case. David, our plucky and undettered hero, decides if he solves Jane's tattoos he will eliminate the obstacle and Patterson will come back to him.

Sigh. Anyone else groan with dread after that post-coffee messaging board conversation? Don't get me wrong, David spells out "Miss U" because he knew Patterson would puzzle out the coffee shop's message board. And that's exactly what she did. So, of course Patterson must absolutely marry David, which means he will absolutely die. Blindspot may be a procedural, so they also stick to the common core basics of drama.

David, a.k.a The Boy Wonder, stakes out the library and follows a woman who leaves a message in the book he and Patterson discovered last week. Yes, David follows this woman like he's an FBI agent. Here's the thing though David: YOU ARE NOT AN FBI AGENT! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE.

Guess what? David does die. Then, we watch as Patterson receives the fateful call from Mayfair. Team Blindspot, who were enjoying pizza and beer together at a housewarming for Jane, all rush to the hospital. Yes, we all knew that it was coming but David's death is still heart-crushing.

Meanwhile, Carter gets in Mayfair's face about the Guerrero situation, mostly because Carter is always in Mayfair's face about something. Mayfair is confident that Guerrero will sign the document which implicates him as the informant for the intel that the FBI received. It will nullify the NSA's involvement and stop Project Daylight from getting out. She essentially tells Carter to find his chill, but we all know the man has no chill to be found. So he has Guerrero killed. This will effectively shine a brighter light on Project Daylight and also the fact that Carter is a moron.

Now that David is dead, Blindspot needs to start sussing out the next potential victim on the chopping block, and it seems they've settled on Zappata. She refuses to put Carter's bug in Jane's house and flushes it down the sewer. Her moral line in the sand is admirable, even if it is a little late, but this will surely tick off Carter. We all know how calm Carter is when he's upset (*dripping sarcasm*). Watch your back, Zappata. ... And maybe stay away from libraries for a little while.


Alison Knight is an old girlfriend looking to reignite that particular flame with Kurt. Jane notices Alison noticing Kurt and feels... odd about it. Pssst, Jane. That's called jealousy, sweet pea. I mean, to be fair, Alison wasn't exactly subtle about it. In fact, she was more like a starving hyena eyeing Weller like he was a piece of meat. Down, girl.

However, Alison quickly deduces Kurt only has eyes for Jane. I'm not sure what tipped her off. Perhaps it was Kurt's bulging heart eyes as Jane made her appearance in the black velvet dress. Jane feels ridiculous in this dress, Kurt can barely form words. And Alison feels like a third wheel. Because you are one, honey. Step aside.

Kurt finally intakes oxygen and pieces together a cohesive sentence. He assures Jane that "ridiculous" isn't the word he'd use to describe how she looks in the dress, and women around the world swoon, including Jane. 'Atta boy, Weller. Just keep breathing and this "date" will go fine. You've got this.

Since they are posing as a married couple, Jane requires a ring. Ever the gentleman, Weller slips the ring on her finger. Now, by all accounts, Jane is a Navy Seal and a ninja, who can speak three languages. She could handle putting on the ring herself, and yet Weller does it for her. Probably because he wants to practice before the big day arrives. I'd say... season five, around the 100th episode, and just before the network sells Blindspot into a lucrative syndication deal. Save the date, my friends.

But back to first date jitters, though: this ring exchange triggers another memory fragment of the man with the tree tattoo, and I shake my fist at the television because of it. Do not ruin my formal wear feelings with Mr. Twig, Blindspot! I will not stand for it. Not during sweeps.

Since they are undercover as a couple, Kurt and Jane are allowed to act all couple-y in this episode. They hold hands, and Jane drapes herself over Kurt for no apparent reason other than because she can. Girl... in that tux, nobody blames you. Drape away, Jane, and God bless.

The highlight of their undercover operation, of course, is when some goon runs his hands all over Jane's body as he frisks her. He lingers a little too long for Kurt's liking and he shoves him aside, asserting he doesn't like the man touching her. When Jane questions the sudden outburst, Weller confidently says, "You're my wife." Smooth one, buddy. Well played.

There's some time to kill in between the action, so Kurt takes Jane for a spin around the dance floor. Weller has some moves, by the way! Then, Jane tells Kurt she thinks she was engaged to Mr. Twig. Don't ruin the moment Jane. She rebounds with, "It all feels so far away from where I am now." In case you are wondering, Weller, that's code for, "I can't remember anything about that other dude and you look super hot in that tux."

Weller improvised another jealous husband confrontation to showcase his "sticky fingers" talent for Jane and procurs a security badge. His casual but confident, "You're not the only one with hidden talents." was downright jovial. Could it be? Dare I say it? Is Weller having... fun? One of the best side effects of love is that it often brings out our best selves. I like fun!Weller and I especially like that Jane brings out that side of him.

This episode is a feast for a shipper's eyes. Full of fun playful banter, heart eyes, swoon-worthy dialogue, tux and couture, a few dance moves and honest declarations... all the while Kurt and Jane kicked butt and arrested a few bad guys. This is mid-season sweeps done right. Well done, Blindspot.

Stray Thoughts
  • There was a whole bunch of light in that dance scene. Symbolically it means that Kurt and Jane represent the light in the dark for one another. Or... there was just a bunch of really big windows. But I like my explanation better.
  • Fighting in heels and a long, black dress may be the most impressive stunt Jane has ever done.
  • Any time someone landed a blow on Jane I shouted, "Watch it! That's couture!"
  • I think Alison and Mr. Twigs should hook up. Let's kill two birds with one stone.


  1. Thanks for the recap. I liked this episode. Although I did have a case of deja vu (flashes of La Femme Nikita - Peta Wilson/Roy Dupuis version circa 1999 kept popping into my head) on several of the scenes. But I enjoyed them nonetheless. Kurt seemed lighter in this episode. Like someone that had finally let himself off the hook for something that was never his fault. I liked his more jovial mood. And I loved that he was enjoying himself on this assignment.

    My heart broke for Patterson and David (who I wasn't a big fan of but certainly didn't want him to die). So it seems that the woman he followed does not belong to the same group that is watching over Jane since the guy following David is one of the group that Jane was working with before she was given amnesia and he was upset that David had been killed. Or it seemed that way to me. I'm already getting confused by who is on which team.

    Carter is a psychopath. He certainly enjoys killing and torturing people. But then it seems pretty typical of television's portrayal of CIA agents. I do get tired of that version. It is so one note. Mayfair is a different story. She has layers. She's not all good, but doesn't seem to be a bad guy. At least not yet. I look forward to seeing more of her story and her decisions. But Carter, one note, I know what he is going to do before it is shown onscreen.

    I'm ready for the next episode.

  2. Never having watched La Femme Nikita, my flashbacks were Sydney Bristow in Alias circa late season 1 and season 2. I agree on Kurt. He seemed to be allowing himself the behavior (in this undercover persona) his "professional distance" otherwise wouldn't.