Friday, May 6, 2016

DC’s Legends of Tomorrow 1x14 Review: “River of Time” (Mission Almost Accomplished) [Contributor: Lizzie]

“River of Time”
Original Airdate: May 5, 2016

I’m having trouble deciding if I liked this episode or not. On the one hand, it featured the same amount of nonsensical storytelling, it brought back our least favorite character ever, Carter, and it continued to depict what was meant to be an amazing female superhero as a woman whose only storyline centers around her love life.

On the other hand, this episode killed Atomic Hawk for good. And maybe for that reason and that reason alone, I can give it a reprieve in criticism.

So the moral of the story here is to lower your expectations and you won’t be disappointed. That’s lousy advice when it comes to life, but pretty good when it comes to television shows.

The things I do for you all.


Ray talked about this dichotomy in last episode. And as nice as it sounded then, it seems like the show has finally chosen a side: destiny. That is all fine and good if you’re a teenage reading poetry and talking about soulmates, but it’s pretty sucky advice if you’re a time-traveler who is trying to save the world.

The fact is, Legends of Tomorrow — and more importantly, Kendra and Carter — can never win this battle if they continue to believe in destiny. It’s not their destiny to die at the hands of Savage; it’s not their destiny to loose. Destiny is just a word. The future is wide open – and it’s up to them to choose what happens in it.

This goes beyond love stories, beyond who ends up with whom. This has to do with the core of who these people are. Kendra might not have ended up with Ray, but if she learned something from him, it should be that she can still choose her destiny. She can still kill Savage. It’s not too late.


When Kendra was first introduced back in The Flash, I wanted to like her. I sort of did for a minute there, when she was with Cisco. I didn’t like her as much when she was with Carter, and much less when she was with Ray. But this is exactly the problem. Kendra’s whole storyline, her whole journey on this show, has been about her love life. We haven’t had a chance to explore who Kendra Saunders is — what she wants, what she likes.

All we know is who she loves. Or has loved. Or will love. Whatever, even THAT’S complicated.

Usually, I’m the one defending the exact opposite point. I’m the one saying “Hey, love is a part of life, and we can’t pretend it doesn’t exist on television.” But it’s different with Kendra. For her, love hasn’t just been a part of the story – it’s been the WHOLE story. And yes, I was initially excited for another female hero when she was first introduced. But now? Now I’m just disappointed that we didn’t get see the how amazing she is as much as we should have. I’m disappointed in the fact that they made Kendra the very stereotype that women in movies and TV have fought so hard against.

I’m disappointed.


Oh, Ray. Finally. FINALLY.

You’re a good guy, Raymond. Despite all your creepy overtones when you were first introduced in Arrow, you really, really are. And that’s why I’m both sad and happy that you got stuck with this whole idiotic storyline. Sad because, well, you deserved better. And happy because... well at least that’s over, right? You can move on the bigger and better things.

Kendra was never going to love you the way you deserved. She was never going to love you the way you loved her. You’ve had bad luck in love, Ray, but you’re a literal ray on sunshine on this show. You’ll find your love. Maybe you just need to stop looking for her? Isn’t that the clichéd advice?

Either way, I’m glad you put yourself first. I’m glad you finally took the blinders off and saw this for what is was — a distraction. It’ll be better for both of you, in the long run.


This was hard, but I think I’ve got it — the definitive list of who’s the stupidest on this show, based on all the Legends of Tomorrow episodes that have aired so far. The order is from “wow, what an idiot” to “the smartest person on the show”:

1. Rip Hunter: Everything that goes wrong is essentially his fault, since he not only brought the legends onto his ship, but also didn’t explain the rules, had no plan whatsoever as to HOW they were going to kill Vandal Savage, and oh, did I mention that he likes to keep secrets?

2. Ray: Letting Savage bait you into a fight has earned you second place, Raymond. Congratulations. Add that to the fact that love has made you blind, and you deserve your spot on the list.

3. Kendra: “I love Carter, wait... no... Ray. Wait, no, I changed my mind. Carter. No, no, Ray.” Yes, you were doing this when you should be focusing on killing Savage since, oh right, you’re the only one who can. And yet does NOT.

4. Jax: You’re just too trusting, Jax. That’s why everyone takes advantage of you. That’s how you end up drugged and doing things you don’t want to do.

5. Stein: It’s not that you’re always on point, Stein, it’s that so many others are worse than you. And at least you do whatever it takes to get what you want — that puts you above the emotional fools listed above.

6. Mick Rory: Well, yes, you did betray the team and tried to kill all of them, repeatedly. But somehow, you’re still less stupid than the five people above combined. How does that feel?

7. Snart: Your only mistake was letting your emotions get in the way of your thinking when it came to Rory, but even that was temporary. You’re one of the few bright spots of this team. And you always tell it like it is.

8. Sara: My baby. You’re the best character in this show, by a country mile. Even if they sometimes make you buy Rip’s crap, you’re usually one of the few people willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish your mission.

Other things:
  • How come no one in ancient Egypt went: “Oh, these clothes you’re wearing are pretty odd, man-with-no-name?” (Also, has Rip been wearing the same coat this entire time?)
  • “Mission almost accomplished” should really be the name of this episode.
  • Snart and Rory are pretty much on point re: the whole killing Savage thing. So, obviously, no one listens to them. 
  • Wait, so we didn’t know Vandal Savage could travel through time? I’ve always assumed so. Does this mean I’m smarter than everyone on this show? 
  • (Rhetorical question. Of course I am.)
  • Does Rip really expect us to believe that he cares about the world at this point? We know he only cares about his family.
  • Why Kendra thought to talk to Carter WITH Ray present is beyond me. It’s like she wanted to hurt everyone involved. Additionally, why not restrain Carter’s feet? Everyone knows you restrain the feet too!
  • “Have you spoken with your sister Laurel lately?” I’m glad you didn’t totally answer that question, Legends of Tomorrow. I want Sara to find out about Laurel, but not that way. NOT THAT WAY.
  • “I’d tell you to go to hell but you’d probably feel at home there.” Sara Lance, with the best line in this episode.
  • Look, Rip, if you send Jax into a contaminated room and you don’t want Stein to rebel and ruin it all, why not refrain from asking Gideon about the levels IN FRONT OF STEIN? 
  • Yuck, sugar-free snacks.
  • No one cares about Jax. NO ONE.
  • All things considered, the fact that the voiceover at the beginning of the episode has Rip calling these people “my friends” is the most ironic thing in this show.
  • The Ray/Savage conversation was probably the best of all the heart-to-hearts Savage had with the people keeping him captive on the ship. 
  • Felicity Smoak makes everything better. FACT. And one thing I’ll say for the Legends of Tomorrow writers is that they know how to write Ray/Felicity scenes better than Arrow ever did. It was almost like I could buy that those two were actual friends!
  • I’m glad we got some Nyssa/Sara closure. I loved the two of them together.
  • Stein’s idea of love looks a lot like control. Though I’m kind of glad they added a Clarissa scene, nonetheless. It had only been bothering me since, like... the pilot. 
  • Why didn’t Sara go with Rory and Ray to try to recapture Savage again? 
  • The level of contrived storytelling in this show boggles the mind. So Carter just conveniently remembered who he was when Kendra was about to get killed?
  • The Time Masters are evil. I bet no one saw that coming, right?
  • Snart and Sara sure like to play card games. And spend their downtime together. If I was going to choose two people to hide out and save the others, it would have been those two. 
Legends of Tomorrow airs Thursdays at 8/7c on the CW.


  1. How Ray/Kendra broke up in the final scene when Ray said "You reminded me I could feel love agian" Right in the feels and gave me flashback feels to my own life. Like Arrow Season 3 all over agian.

    This was another good episode though too bad Jax never really gets used alot and now he's back into 2016 by himself. So he can't help with the Prison Break or he's dead which sucks.

    As for Rip discovering the truth about the Time Masters to quote Ocelot "Your plans was invalidated even before execution." Still don't know if Druce or Vandal Savage is the Ocelot or Patriots in this situation. But still Rip got played like a damn fiddle and Destiny is still agianst him on his family. I think its time to drop it and go full vengance on Savage and the Time Masters. Wipe them out ala Sheild in Winter Solider, can't wait for next Thursday.

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  3. You are so awesome! Your reviews are wonderful. This one had me laughing extra hard. From 'who is the stupidest' to all your observations. I just wanted to thank you because I enjoy all you Arrow, Flash, and these Legends reviews. Love the sarcasm and wit. I agree with everything you said here.

  4. You are so awesome! Your reviews are wonderful. This one had me laughing extra hard. From 'who is the stupidest' to all your observations. I just wanted to thank you because I enjoy all you Arrow, Flash, and these Legends reviews. Love the sarcasm and wit. I agree with everything you said here.