Monday, December 11, 2017

Brooklyn Nine-Nine 5x09 Recap: “99” (Roadtrip!) [Contributor: Alisa Williams]

Original Airdate: December 5, 2017

It was the 99th episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and the stellar cast and crew did not disappoint! Secrets were revealed, a bevy of beige Boyles saved the day, and the Diehard references were flying. Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The team heads to Los Angeles for the funeral of their old CO. While at the service, Amy is looking through old photos of the squad and realizes that under the old CO everyone else looks like they were having the time of their lives while she looks uptight. She decides from now on, she’s going to be super chill instead.

Meanwhile, Boyle encourages Rosa to hit on someone at the funeral. It’s been awhile since she broke up with Pimento and according to Boyle, a funeral is a perfect place to find someone because “crying is a powerful aphrodisiac.” Alright then. Rosa, however, tells him the she’s already seeing someone. Boyle is, of course, instantly intrigued and begins hounding Rosa with questions, but she refuses to share any details.

Holt learns some exciting news as well: the NYPD police commissioner is retiring and Holt is on the short list to replace him. He has an interview scheduled for next week. The team is super excited for Holt because this has always been his dream, but he is even more reserved than usual about the whole thing.

On the way to the airport after the funeral, Holt is driving along when Jake suddenly screams for them to stop. He’s just spotted Nakatomi Plaza, the building from Diehard, and begs Holt to let them go inside. Surprisingly, Holt agrees. Amy starts to protest because they only have 3.5 hours before their flight, but then she remembers she’s super chill now and rolls with it.

Six hundred photos later, Jake declares he’s good and they should head to the airport now. Again, Holt seems even more chill than Amy and says they actually have more time and can stay a bit longer. Jake says no, really, he’s good. But when he tries the door, which the guard had left propped open for them, it’s closed and locked. They’re trapped! Terry’s the only one really freaking out though. He cashed in his miles for a first class seat and wants more than anything to get to the airport and experience the comfort of first class for the first time.

Two hours later, the guard comes back and lets them out, but it’s too late — they’ve missed their flight. Poor Terry isn’t even allowed in the first class lounge. He was able to snag a first class mint and run out before they stopped him. He christens it “Mr. Mint” but it brings him little comfort. Making matters worse, every other possible flight out is grounded due to heavy storms in the Midwest. The earliest flight isn’t until Monday. Holt’s interview is on Monday morning so the team decides they’ll just have to drive back and hope they make it in time. Holt checks, but there are no rental cars available. Jake won’t give up that easily, though. He buys a broken-down RV named “The American Creeper” and they start their road trip back to New York.

After 21 hours, they’ve only made it as far as Dallas. It turns out that the speedometer is broken and they were going much slower than they thought. Jake floors it but after a little while Holt tells him to pull over because he smells smoke. Jake doesn’t believe him but they pull over anyway and it’s a good thing they do because once they’ve all exited the RV, it explodes.

With no other options, they decide to find a place to sleep for the night. Fortunately, there are Boyle cousins in every state, and Boyle’s Texas cousins are only 30 minutes away. The Texas Boyles run a “cow insemination farm” so with a very loud cow orgy in the background, the team gets ready for bed.

Boyle walks in on Rosa talking to her significant other and immediately starts peppering her with more questions, wanting to know who the “mystery hunk” is. Just then, he hears through the phone a distinctly woman’s voice. Boyle presses and Rosa admits she’s bi and is dating a woman! Boyle is, of course, super supportive but Rosa says she doesn’t want to talk about it and stalks off.


I just want to note that Twitter went absolutely wild at this announcement and the fact that the show actually used the term bi instead of watering it down like what usually happens. Even though we all suspected Rosa was secretly bi, the show finally wrote it in and made it an actual conversation and gave her an actual relationship, and it was super exciting to watch.


Later that night, Holt and Jake can’t sleep and so stay up talking. Holt says he’s resigned himself to the fact that he will never be commissioner but Jake won’t let it go. After the rest of the team falls asleep, Jake does some research and finds out there’s a regional airport nearby. They can hitch a ride on a cargo plane that will get them to Philadelphia.

He wakes the team up bright and early and tells them. Rosa reminds him that they’ve been wearing the same clothes since Friday and all smell disgusting. The Boyle cousins lend them an assortment of beige and khaki outfits (the only colors Boyles wear) and they head out in the Boyles’ cattle trailer. But before they make it very far, they’re pulled over. The local cops received a tip that drugs were being moved in a “grey bovine transport unit.”

Jake realizes that the only person who would call a cattle trailer a “bovine transport unit” is Holt. He called in the tip! Suddenly it clicks, and Jake realizes their whole disastrous weekend makes sense — Holt has been sabotaging them from the beginning! Holt drove by Nakatomi Plaza on purpose, knowing Jake would insist they stop. Then he kicked the door prop out so they’d be trapped. There were actually hundreds of rental cars available at the airport, but Holt lied and said there weren’t any. He broke the speedometer and blew up the RV — though he claims he only meant for it to break down, not explode.

But why? Holt finally comes clean. He tells them about the deal he made with Seamus Murphy of the Irish Mob. Holt had to make a deal with him to get the intel he needed to get Jake and Rosa out of jail. Now, Holt’s afraid of what Murphy will blackmail him to do if he becomes commissioner. Jake realizes Holt risked his entire career to save him and Rosa.

Holt says he didn’t want any of them entangled in this, but Jake reminds him that the first lesson Holt taught him was that the 99 is a team, and that means they have each other’s backs. Always. Holt appreciates that but reminds Jake it’s too late. They’ve missed the cargo plane and won’t be able to make his interview in time.

Jake has one more trick up his sleeve, though. He turns to Amy and tells her to snap out of chill mode and do what she does best. She works out an airtight plan involving an ambulance ride, crop duster, train, and taxi, and gets them there with five minutes to spare. Before he walks in, Terry even gives Holt his first class mint so he’ll have fresh breath for his interview.

The rest of the team then heads to the bar to celebrate. While there, Rosa tells Boyle that she didn’t tell anyone about being bi because she doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business and she didn’t want anything to change. But, she adds that it felt really good to finally tell someone on the squad and is glad that person was Boyle.

Holt joins them all soon after and tells them his hat is officially in the ring for the commissioner job. He’s still not sure how they’re going to handle the Murphy situation, but Jake says not to worry. They’ll figure it out — together. NINE NINE!

Bullets on the Bulletin Board:

  • “But, it’s like, what is time even? Hashtag legalize it.” 
  • “We’re going to miss our flight! I should be sitting next to a semi-famous person that I can’t quite place right now.” 
  • “I tried everything. I begged, I pleaded, I even told them that Scully was a Make-A-Wish kid with a rare disease that makes him look like a giant old baby.” “Did you call it Scullyosis?” “Rosa, that is really good and completely useless to me right now.”
  • “So what are you going to do when you’re Comish? I think you should focus on inter-agency communication and intel sharing. Also, laser jails.”  
  • “I only have one dream a year. Always on tax day. In it, I must file an extension. So, yes, it is best not to have dreams.”
  • “I don’t know how this happened. Perhaps it was a bottom dial.” 
  • “Don’t tell me what to do, saboteur! How dare you make me this upset while I’m wearing this outfit.” 
  • “Now we go back to never ever talking about my love life again.” “Uh, request denied. Is her name Anne? Meredith? Kim? Erica? Moana?” 


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