Never Have I Ever 1x09 Review: “... had to be on my best behavior” (Flashbacks and Trauma) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... had to be on my best behavior”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

I give a lot of grace to teenage characters in television shows. Even though they often frustrate me, I have to remember that they’re supposed to — their brains aren’t fully formed yet and they haven’t learned the critical thinking skills that adults do. But occasionally teenage characters demonstrate growth, pain, or emotions beyond their years. Even though she often fails, Devi in Never Have I Ever is this very character throughout “… had to be on my best behavior.”

Devi has experienced trauma — devastating, life-altering trauma that she cannot process because she’d rather run from it or shove it down. And in this week’s episode, we learn what happens when you try to run from or bury your trauma.

THE BRAIN REMEMBERS

One time when I was in therapy, I uncovered a memory that my subconscious brain had buried. My counselor noted that our brains do that: they push down or hide memories that trigger pain and trauma to protect us. Devi’s brain does the exact same thing, and in this episode, it can’t hide memories anymore.

When we left off last week, Devi thought she saw her dad standing in the kitchen. Very quickly, Devi realizes that it’s not her dad but her visiting uncle. He’s in town to chaperone Kamala’s meeting with her potential suitor, Prashant. But that night, Devi remembers flashes of moments from the night her father died. In flashbacks, we see Devi telling her mother that she hates her. Mohan tries to navigate the tense relationship between the two; they’re fighting in that moment because Devi lost her sheet music for the concert.

In the present, Nalini warns Devi that Kamala’s afternoon is important and so the Devi drama and nonsense will have to stop for that day. It’s triggering for Devi, who recalls memories she’s buried — one in particular from the night of Mohan’s death, where Devi overhears Nalini telling Mohan that Devi is “his daughter,” and that she’s “no daughter of mine.” This wounds Devi in the flashback and is a memory that triggers some deep emotions in the present.

Devi’s desire to push down her uncomfortable memories and trauma is understandable. And really, Never Have I Ever is as much a story of grief as it is a coming-of-age tale. Devi’s unwillingness to do the hard work of confronting her own grief over her father’s death will have consequences. And as John McEnroe narrates in this episode, Devi’s surprised that she’s uncovered a memory she tried hard to forget, and believes distracting herself and smiling through her pain will keep that memory just below the surface. There’s also this moment which repeats a sentiment throughout the show — Devi plays the harp to distract her uncle and Prashant from seeing Kamala and Nalini sneak Steve out of the house. When Devi plays, she recalls happy memories from her childhood with her father. An instrument that only represented grief and trauma suddenly shifted into something happy again. And John McEnroe’s narration is the kicker: Devi thinks she’s cured! There’s nothing wrong with her anymore! (It’s the same reason she thinks her obsession with Paxton will fix what’s wrong with her.)

The problem is, that’s not how memories or healing even work. The more Devi tries to push bad memories away or down or cover them up with good ones, the more the memory is likely to surface at an inopportune moment — and with it, the pain and anger and grief she’s left unresolved too. Because the memory isn’t just about Mohan’s death; it’s a memory that is indicative of the feelings of inadequacy Nalini has fueled throughout the years. That’s the thing about emotional avalanches — they’re rarely about one thing, but many things we’ve left unresolved. Pile up enough unsaid confrontations, unresolved feelings, and trauma and you’re headed straight for an epic disaster.

A PUNCH TO THE GUT

Throughout the episode, Nalini tells Devi things that trigger wounds she hasn’t dealt with or vocalized yet. When Nalini critiques her, all Devi can think about is how much of a burden she is to her mother and how she doesn’t want her. When Nalini shows grace to Kamala for having a boyfriend even though she’s supposed to be meeting a future spouse but tears down Devi and Paxton for their behavior is also indicative of some of Nalini’s unresolved issues (which we’ll see continue in the next episode).

What I do love about Never Have I Ever is that it shows us glimpses into Nalini’s grief; Devi lost a father but Nalini lost the love of her life. And she admits at the end of the episode that she’s struggling to raise Devi alone without a support system. Without Mohan or family to help her. But Nalini clearly has trauma from Mohan’s death and grief that presents itself in the way she tries to control Devi; she couldn’t control what happened to her husband and sure as heck won’t let that lack of control happen in another area of her life. It’s not hard for Nalini to love but it’s hard for her to express love in a healthy way because she’s in the throes of grief too.

So Nalini is easier on Kamala because it’s easier to be gracious with someone who doesn’t remind you of what you lost. It’s not Devi’s fault, by any means, that Nalini feels this way. But both mother and daughter are deeply grieving the person who held their relationship together and neither know how to move forward expressing love and grace to each other in that struggle. And therein lies the beauty of Never Have I Ever: its unashamed, unflinching look at how our own unresolved pain causes other people pain. That cliché phrase “hurting people hurt people” is a cliché for a reason.

And it’s why the end of this episode hits like a punch to the gut. Devi’s uncle accidentally reveals that he and Nalini have been talking about her and Devi moving to India. Devi is floored, and Nalini admits that it’s because she needs family and support; she doesn’t know how to parent without Mohan beside her. But between the favoritism Nalini seemingly showed Kamala and the grief she’s been burying as well as the anger she’s unwittingly harbored, Devi combusts.

Devi tells her mother that she knows she’s a burden, and Nalini looks surprised that Devi feels this way. Devi’s admitting, in her own pain, that Nalini makes her feel unloved and unwanted. And then Devi confesses that she overheard Mohan and her talking the night he died. Poorna Jagannathan does an impeccable job at conveying the pain on Nalini’s face: both that Devi overheard her in her anger and frustration, and also that what Devi gleaned from that was that she’s unwanted.

But then Devi goes a step further and, in her pain, she seeks to only wound. That’s when she tells her mother that she wishes the one parent who cared about her was still alive. And she wishes that it was Nalini, not Mohan, who died that night. With grief and pain, she closes the door in Nalini’s face and thus, we hit the lowest point we’ve seen Devi at thus far.

Favorite things:

• I like that John McEnroe’s narration takes on more of a serious, counseling tone in this episode, especially because it’s a really pivotal episode for Devi’s trauma.
• “You cannot run in Los Angeles at night! This is the city of Charles Manson and Harvey Weinstein!”
• “Great, thank you for relieving the pressure.”
• “I’m sorry I called you hot.” I love how everyone, including Devi’s mom, is smitten with Prashant.
• “And when I come home later, I will fix this.” Ugh, heartbreaking.
• “There are more boys coming and going in this house than a GameStop.”
• “Paxton, these are very unforced errors.”
• “I kinda like you.” “I kinda like you too.”

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Never Have I Ever 1x08 Review: “... pissed off everyone I know” (Lost) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... pissed off everyone I know”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

You know how if you avoid something for long enough, eventually it’ll come back to haunt you? Well, Devi learns that full well in “... pissed off everyone I know.” Not only does she realize that actions have consequences — a lesson she should have learned already but alas, has not — but she also learns in this episode that if you push down your grief too long, it’ll eventually resurface in the most inconvenient ways.

Devi does a lot of damage throughout this episode, so let’s break down what happens. Shall we?

BEING A BAD FRIEND

Our previous episode was all about Devi longing to be a better friend to Fabiola and Eleanor. But when she’s given the opportunity to actually put those skills into practice, she fails. The worst part is that Devi doesn’t just apologize or admit her mistake — instead, she gets defensive. She blame-shifts. And she avoids talking about the one thing that she knows she needs to: her dad’s death. But it’s more than just that. Devi felt obligated to help Paxton (he did tell her that she owed him, after all) but didn’t have to stay the moment she realized he didn’t have an emergency. She could have stopped the ensuing disaster right then and there. But then Paxton reveals that his sister needs Devi as a fashion model for her clothes, and Devi’s ego — and the chance to show off in front of Paxton — overrides her better judgement.

She’s being a teenager, in other words. And that’s why I can almost understand Devi’s inherent selfishness and her self-destruction; she’s a teenager who can’t see the forest for the trees yet. She doesn’t know how to properly manage her emotions, and she doesn’t know the importance of taking responsibility for your actions. Her apologies to Fabiola and Eleanor are too little, too late: Fabiola knows that Devi was at Paxton’s. Whatever crafted lie she told pales in comparison to Eleanor’s crisis. And yet, Devi keeps trying to rationalize her behavior rather than admit that her narcissism fueled her decision-making.

And so Devi is abandoned by her friends who need a break from her, and understandably so. When Devi discusses this in her therapy session, Dr. Ryan points out that the root cause of Devi’s behavior is that she’s refusing to address her grief. Devi, meanwhile, is insistent that she’s just being a teenager. She’s boy crazy because that’s what she’s supposed to be, not because it’s distracting her from dealing with complex trauma. Dr. Ryan knows better and that’s why, when Devi’s anger flares up, she suggests Devi see another therapist. Devi interprets this as another abandonment — first her dad’s death, then her best friends, and now her therapist — and storms out of Dr. Ryan’s office. 

Of course, Devi is burying her grief beneath the surface and refusing to address it. Instead of addressing the feelings of guilt or sadness or anger at her dad’s death, she projects them onto the people around her. And what’s really important is that when Devi explodes at Fabiola at Ben’s birthday party, Fab doesn’t let Devi get away with it. 

Devi’s excuse is that her dad died, and Fab gently tells Devi that she’s sorry that happened. She’s sorry Devi has had to endure the trauma of losing a parent. But that doesn’t give Devi a free pass to treat her friends like garbage. Because Devi is so deeply consumed with her own world because it’s easier than dealing with reality, she takes Fabiola’s critique as an insult and can’t admit that she’s treated her friends terribly. Everything, in the end, is about Devi: how it makes her feel, how it impacts her, etc. And her friends are tired of having their problems and struggles sidelined because of her. They hit a breaking point in this episode, and I think it’s important that we sit uncomfortably in the reality that our protagonist is in pain but she’s also very wrong for treating people the way she treats them. Both things can be true! You can be grieving and also a monster to people around you. Our pain doesn’t give us a pass to do whatever we want.

DEVI’S LOVE LIFE

In some significant plot developments here, Ben tries to kiss Devi (twice!) and it makes their relationship super awkward. But prior to the awkwardness, Ben actually genuinely wanted to know how Devi was; he could tell something was bothering her in class and makes an effort to softly ask her about it. But then Paxton comes in and Ben gets a little jealous, which is adorable.

Speaking of Paxton: he drives Devi home from Ben’s birthday party and surprise kisses her as she’s telling him about how she’s been abandoned by people she cares about and can’t stop screwing up her relationships. It’s an interesting moment to choose, Paxton, I’ll give you that. But I think for the first time, he appreciates Devi’s emotional honesty and responds by kissing her. We’ll continue to unpack this relationship in the next few episodes but suffice to say that Devi will have to deal with her feelings for both Ben and Paxton.

The episode ends rather startlingly: Devi, high on her kiss with Paxton, waltzes into her house pretending like she’s not lost anymore! She’s got a boy who likes her! So what if her friends won’t speak to her? She’s finally found a place for herself and that’s all that matters; she just has to keep focusing on the good stuff and shoving any bad thoughts down.

But then Devi walks into the house to see the fridge ajar and her father standing there. The episode ends with Devi registering the same shock we all feel. Dun-dun-DUN.

Favorite things:

• “When you become a famous designer, could I become your muse?”
• I will always love that Ben’s mom is played by Angela Kinsey.
• How much do we love Ben’s jealousy? So much.
• There’s an adorable little plot of Fabiola chatting with Eve, the girl she has a crush on, about coming out. They’re precious.
• “I left a funeral to be by your side when Nick Jonas married an Indian woman that wasn’t you.” “That was very hard on me.”
• “How is your grandma, Trent?” “She has her good days.”
• There’s a plot here of Devi catching Kamala with Steve, and Devi actually thinking Kamala is way cooler for having a secret boyfriend.
• STEVE IS THE BEST.
• “You’re in a legit love triangle!”
• Ben and Devi are honestly too cute in this episode.
• “Do you believe in miracles?!”

What did you all think of this episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x07 Review: “... been a big, fat liar” (Uh-Oh) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... been a big, fat liar”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

Once upon a time, my mom told me that lies always catch up to you. She said this to remind me that even when you think a lie is small or harmful, it’s like a snowball. With enough time, it accelerates until it becomes an avalanche and destroys everything in its path. If it seems like a dramatic metaphor, you’ve probably never gotten caught in a lie before. But if you have (like me), you’ll relate to the sheer panic that Devi experiences in “... been a big, fat liar.” The thing about lies is that you have to keep feeding them in order for them to survive. You tell one lie, then another lie to cover up that lie, then a few more just to keep a story straight. Because Devi’s a teenager, she thinks she can keep up with her lies or stay ahead of them.

She’s wrong. Devi’s lies catch up to her in this episode but the saddest thing is that they don’t just irritate the people in her life; they do serious damage. Until she’s forced to confront her lies head-on, Devi is content to avoid them entirely.

TEENAGE FRIENDSHIP

I have to give grace to Devi because she’s a teenager, but she doesn’t quite understand the weight that lies — even lies of omission — have. She thinks about herself and tries to protect herself rather than address the hard stuff. Again, a teenager. Devi’s insecurities are what drive her a lot of the time though and they drive her to make poor decisions. For example, this episode focuses heavily on Devi trying to prove that she’s a good friend — not necessarily because she understands the pain she caused Fabiola and Eleanor but because she wants things to go back to the way they were. She wants to put a bandage on a problem rather than fix herself and admit that maybe she hasn’t been a good friend.

So Devi overcorrects in this episode while still missing the point. Eventually she does own up to her behavior but only when it’s a last resort. After a disastrous bake sale, Devi admits that she was trying to fix things because she knows she’s been a bad friend. But then something happens at the end of the episode: Devi gets a text from Paxton. In a moment of crisis for Eleanor, Devi is faced with a choice. She can go be with her friend or she can pursue the guy she’s been obsessed with.

Are we surprised at what she chooses? Of course not. When Devi is fixated on something, it’s like she has blinders on. She can’t see anyone or anything else. And that’s actually a good thing — not because it’s right but because it makes her a complicated main character. I love that we don’t root for Devi by the end of this episode. I like that she blows up at her friends, and I like that she’s selfish. It means that we have to grapple with those own traits within ourselves; it forces us to remember that people aren’t just strictly good or bad but that they’re an array of complexities and flaws.

MOMS ARE PEOPLE TOO

Joyce is a selfish mom. That pretty much goes without saying. She abandons her daughter multiple times in order to pursue what she wants. But it’s interesting to see an adult’s selfishness contrasted with a teenager’s in this episode. Because even though Nalini and Elise are portrayed as stringent and tough by their children, we can see glimpses into their behaviors as mothers when we contrast them with Joyce. Nalini and Elise may be tough but they’re loving; they’re incredibly wary when Joyce returns to town because it’s revealed that when the girls were younger, Joyce left them at a carnival to go to an audition. While the teenagers are oblivious to the dangers that a flighty parent can have on a child, Nalini and Elise aren’t.

I love this episode because it shows that actions have consequences and selfish actions can harm entire family units. But it also shows that love comes in all forms as moms. Nalini loves Devi and even though her rules seem strict, we’ll learn in a few episodes that Nalini does everything out of love, even while she’s intensely grieving. She’s a mom but she’s also a human being. And similarly, when Fabiola comes out to her mom, Elise, in this episode we get the chance to see her reaction. She’s shocked for a moment or two because she’s processing, but that doesn’t mean she’s unsupportive. She reminds Fabiola that she loves her and she’s always going to love her, and that she accepts her for who she is. One of my favorite things Elise does is when Fabiola comes out, Elise asks if she’s been trying to tell her for a while. Fabiola says she has been, and Elise says that it must have been hard for her to deal with the weight of that. It’s a small moment, but a lovely one to see a parent acknowledge their child’s emotional burdens and validate them.

Overall, “... been a big, fat liar” is an episode that’s a catalyst not just for the plot but the emotional wreckage to come!

Favorite things:

• “Nope, he’d just forgotten about her.”
• “The truth is she was more flowered than a Rose Parade float.”
• “Did you find out you’re Gryffindor like me?” “No, I’m obviously a Ravenclaw like Eleanor.” “They’re all Hufflepuff.”
• “You really grew into your eyebrows.” “Thank you.”
• “They’re too young for love and frankly to have a life.”

What did you all think of the episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x06 Review: “... been the loneliest boy in the world” (A New Perspective) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... been the loneliest boy in the world”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

Television shows often present one-dimensional villains, especially when it comes to high-school students. You have the “mean girl” or the “jerk,” and they’re usually incredibly popular and horrible to the show’s protagonist for seemingly no reason. Eventually these characters get their comeuppance and all is seemingly well.

But what I appreciate about Never Have I Ever is that the show never presents Devi as a faultless hero. In fact, I would argue that more often than not, the show reminds us that she’s a teenager who can be selfish and fixated on her own issues rather than the issues of those around her. She’s so focused on getting with Paxton that she abandons her best friends Fabiola and Eleanor, both of whom had a lot to talk to her about. So it’d be easy to have the show present Devi’s nemesis, Ben Gross, as someone with a one-track mind of meanness.

And while Ben does and says things early on in this show to Devi that are pretty bad, “... been the loneliest boy in the world” is not the show’s attempt to excuse his actions. Rather, it’s an inventive way to demonstrate that everyone walks through stories that they don’t share with others.

THE LONELIEST BOY

Ben has everything — the best grades, a lot of money, a popular girlfriend — so we’re primed to not feel too bad for him when he makes fun of Devi or her friends. He’s privileged, after all. But I like that this episode doesn’t excuse Ben’s behavior, but that it reminds us that all the money in the world can’t solve the problem of loneliness. Ben’s parents expect him to achieve; his mom is happy when he tells her that he got an A. Ben’s dad expects him to bend; he abandons Ben for work and Ben doesn’t push back in anger but resigns himself to being alone. Ben’s girlfriend expects him to be accommodating; he’s there when she needs him but she’s not there when he needs her.

Ben’s housekeeper, Patty, is the only one who actively reaches out to Ben consistently and tries to forge a real, personal connection. But all of this abandonment doesn’t lead Ben to becoming bitter — instead he pretends his life is good and that nothing is wrong. It’s almost worse that way sometimes. I have the tendency to sweep my disappointments under a rug and pretend that they don’t bother me. But Ben hits a breaking point when Devi’s mom mentions that she and her family have family dinners together every night. Ben can’t even remember the last time he and his parents sat down to a meal together. No amount of money or achievement can prevent you from being alone.

And it’s something Ben really wrestles with in this episode. What’s the point of being the best and achieving the most if his parents still won’t love and support him? 

The one thing to really note about Ben in this episode is that I believe his loneliness has made him more perceptive to the feelings of others, especially Devi. But we also see his selflessness in his relationship with Patty. When his father abandons taking him to a basketball game, Ben pretends to hide his disappointment and tells Patty that he has work to do anyway. He then tells her that she should go to the game and take her kids. She thanks him and when Ben sees her on television, he smiles. He’s not the self-absorbed rich kid stereotype we’re used to seeing in teen shows who doesn’t care about people. He knows a lot about Patty and it’s clear she’s the one constant in his life.

But Ben also notices Devi on the bus ride back from the Model U.N. He notes her moment of fear when she sees the ambulance, he notices her talking to Paxton at school, and he genuinely tries to ask her what he did wrong. He’s not being manipulative or mean in those moments (even if sometimes he is being a bit smug); he’s genuinely trying to figure out why or how he hurt Devi.

All of these feelings overflow when Ben hears about the Vishwakumar family dinners. So Nalini invites Ben to dinner where he has the chance to rat out Devi for what she did at Model U.N. — but he doesn’t. He’s nice to her in that moment and in the sweet ones after, the two actually have an emotionally vulnerable conversation about loneliness. In fact, Devi admits her secret to Ben: that she and Paxton aren’t a couple and she lied, which is why Paxton is so upset with her. It’s the first time we really get to see both of these characters express vulnerabilities, but it won’t be the last.

“... been the loneliest boy in the world” is such a fun departure from our traditionally Devi-centric episodes, but honestly it was necessary in order for us to understand Ben more and to set up the future Ben/Devi stuff we’re going to see!

Favorite things:

• Okay, it’ll forever be perfect that Andy Samberg narrates this episode. Forever.
• I love that Angela Kinsey makes an appearance in the show as Ben’s mom! She’s so great. Also I want the dress that she’s wearing the first time we see her.
• “Why don’t we build a pillow fort and watch a scary movie like Shrek?”
• “Please lower the spice level accordingly.”
• “He’s nice and smart and he could never buy drugs because he looks like a narc!”
• If you don’t ship Ben and Devi after this episode, I can’t help you.

What did you all think of this episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x05 Review: “... started a nuclear war” (Conflicts and Lies) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... started a nuclear war”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

There are a few constants in our lives, and one of those is conflict. As someone who generally considers herself to be conflict-avoidant, I hate confronting people whenever I have issues with them. But as I’ve grown up, I’ve realized that the more we try and keep things bottled up, the more likely those issues are to implode — and typically at the most inopportune times.

Never Have I Ever’s “... started a nuclear war” focuses on what happens when you try to keep secrets from people you care about and how ultimately, lies of omission can be about as bad as overt lies.

SECRETS DON’T MAKE FRIENDS...

We’ll talk about Devi throughout this review, but let’s focus for a moment on our supporting players: Fabiola and Eleanor. As we know from the previous episode, Fabiola has recognized that she’s gay but she hasn’t mustered up the courage to tell others quite yet. She tries to tell her family at the beginning of the episode, but when she tells them instead that she’s switching AP languages, their responses are pretty indicative of how Fabiola thinks they’ll respond to her big news.

But that doesn’t mean she keeps her secret the entire episode. In a moment of friendship vulnerability, Fabiola tells Eleanor that she’s gay and Eleanor’s wholehearted support is enough to lift Fab’s spirits. And speaking of Eleanor, she and Fabiola spend more time together without Devi this episode and lean on each other for support in hard moments. Eleanor learns via Paxton that her mother, whom she assumed was singing on a cruise ship at sea somewhere, is actually in town working at a restaurant.

Eleanor is heartbroken, of course, because if her mom was in town, why wouldn’t she want to see her daughter? And here’s what I love about “... started a nuclear war”: it focuses on the strong friendship between Fab and Eleanor. In television shows, I’m so used to seeing the main character be the glue that holds a group together. But the opposite happens in Never Have I Ever: Devi’s selfishness actually hinders the trio from being the best friendship they can be. Fab and Eleanor are unconditionally and selflessly there for each other when it mattered. Devi, however, was not there for her friends. And when they tried to explain how much they needed to talk to her, she blew them off and insisted — without even hearing what they had to say — that her problems and life was bigger than theirs.

Fab and Eleanor have a great camaraderie and I loved that we got the chance to see who they are as friends outside of Devi. As it turns out, they’re pretty stinkin’ great.

... AND DEVI’S ABOUT TO BLOW IT ALL UP

So as I mentioned above, Devi spends this episode away from Fab and Eleanor. She’s been grounded from going to a no-parents party and drinking (and getting bitten by a coyote) and is desperate to get out of the house. So desperate, in fact, that she volunteers to fill in for Equatorial Guinea in an out-of-town Model U.N. with her nemesis Ben Gross. While at the Model U.N., Devi lets everyone believe that she’s sleeping with Paxton and unfortunately, the rumor gets spread around pretty quickly.

But Devi and Ben have other matters to attend to: one of the participants wants to have a party so the pair manages to track down alcohol and have a party in the hotel. During the party, Ben and Devi have a little bit of a heart-to-heart about why they hate each other (even though they both admit they don’t reeeeeeally hate each other, just find each other annoying), and this is the first instance where you’re going to see some sparks form.

Those sparks are short-lived, however, because Paxton texts Devi and demands to know why she’s lying to other people about them. Devi assumes that Ben is the one who spread the rumor about her and Paxton and contributed to the falling out she’s currently having, so she essentially blows up the Model U.N. during a session for payback.

That’s the thing about Devi at this point in the show: she’s so laser-focused on what SHE wants that she doesn’t care what it costs others. She justifies lying to Paxton’s face, but he isn’t having it. He calls her out for using him to gain popularity. And Devi, instead of admitting that she screwed up and did a bad thing, decides that the world is against her and her problems are the worst problems.

In doing so, her selfishness causes her to lose sight of the people who really care about her. It’s just the beginning for Devi’s spiral, but buckle up because we’ll see more of it and the consequences during the next few episodes.

Favorite things:

• “You’ll carpe diem another diem.”
• “Oh, did I tell you? I now do all my homework with a quill pen.”
• “I’m part Japanese.” Cool story about Paxton Hall-Yoshida that I read on Buzzfeed: Originally, Paxton wasn't going to be part Japanese, but when one of the creators overheard Darren, who is part Japanese, speaking Japanese to someone in the wardrobe department, they added "Yoshida" to his name and made it a part of his character.
• “He’s got three fan Tumblrs.”
• “I don’t hate you. I just think you’re pretentious and unlikable.”

What did you all enjoy about the episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x04 Review: “... felt super Indian” (Embracing Your Culture) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... felt super Indian”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

I love that Never Have I Ever is focused on portraying an Indian American family and their religion and culture without it being a derogatory punchline. (Kudos, of course, to creator Mindy Kaling who was also the writer on this episode.) And I especially love that wrestling with her identity as a young Indian woman is at the forefront of this episode for Devi. She spends most of the episode wrestling with not feeling like she fits in within her own culture, while simultaneously feeling like she doesn’t fit in with her peers.

The end result is a really fun episode that doesn’t rely on stereotypes or cliches in order to portray some lovely character development.

GANESH PUJA

The fact that not all Indian Americans have the same religion is part of the plot of “... felt super Indian.” Devi explains that while her family is Hindu and therefore celebrating a Hindu holiday, not everyone who’s Indian is Hindu. (My best friend who’s Indian American, for example, is Sikh!) And quite a few things happen at Ganesh Puja: Nalini gets pitying glances and comments from “aunties” since this is her family’s first time celebrating the holiday since Mohan died. The episode focuses a bit on her and her relationship with the aunties, which I genuinely appreciated.

Later this season, we’re going to get more chances to see Nalini humanized and portrayed not just as Devi’s mom or Mohan’s wife but as a woman who’s struggling with her own grief. Much like Devi, she’s not always sure how to best handle the weight of her pain, but I love that we get a brief sense of the comments she has to endure from within her own community in this episode. We’re going to see more as the series unfolds about the kind of expectations placed on Nalini and the difficulty she’s had in the wake of Mohan’s death.

Kamala, meanwhile, spends the episode grappling with her arranged marriage once more. She meets a woman named Jaya who’s an outcast because she refused an arranged marriage, married a Muslim-Indian man, and ended up getting divorced.

The conversation between Kamala and Jaya seems to confuse Kamala even further — while Jaya doesn’t necessarily regret her choices, she also doesn’t wish the kind of social standing on anyone else that she currently has. Even Raj, a pandit at the celebration, can sense that Kamala isn’t happy and doesn’t want to be married. She’s supposed to be praying for it, but she’s stuck between the place of wanting to be true to who she is and her own happiness and not wanting to disappoint others.

Devi’s plot is the most significant in the episode. She’s eager to go away to college and break free from her family expectations and religious restrictions. She wants to distance herself as much as possible — at least that’s what she says in the beginning of the episode when she runs into a friend named Parvesh who’s voluntarily returned to celebrate Ganesh Puja. He tells Devi that after he went away to college and roomed with someone who’s Indigenous, he was inspired to connect with his culture in a meaningful way. 

Instead of his parent’s religion and heritage, Parvesh adopted his culture as his own for the first time and began to see it in a new way. Devi is still skeptical but she spends most of the episode trying to charm a college admissions advisor who can get her into any school she wants. When she pitches herself to him, he’s not impressed. He essentially tells her that nothing separates her from the other overachieving Indian American candidates he’s encountered. There’s nothing special or unique about her story. Devi is frustrated until Ron, the advisor, realizes that there IS something different about Devi — her tragic backstory. 

Ron tells Devi that if she shares the story of how her dad died and she was paralyzed, he could get her into any school she wanted. Devi, someone who’s spent the series so far running from the story that caused her so much pain, is stunned. And for a moment, we think that she might actually consider this. After all, she talks throughout the series about how she can’t wait to get away from her seemingly dull life and become her own person. But when she’s actually forced with the choice to share her grief to get something she wants, she refuses.

And then Devi runs into Paxton in the hallway. When he questions her sari and why she’s at school on the weekend, she tells him about Ganesh Puja, rambles a little bit, and then is surprised again when Paxton compliments her in a flirtatious way.

At the end of the episode, Nalini, Devi, and Kamala have a lovely little moment with Raj where he essentially tells them that they’re all going to be okay. The final shot of the episode is the three women looking out the windows of the van, hopeful.

Favorite things: 

• “Looks like an ad for India, right?”
• “We’re just obsessed with fountains.” “Oh, I love a fountain.”
• “I’m gonna be an atheist who eats cheeseburgers every day with my white boyfriend.”

What did you all think of the episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x03 Review: “... gotten drunk with the popular kids” (Forgetting Is Not the Goal) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... gotten drunk with the popular kids”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

When we don’t deal with our issues, they often come back to haunt us in inconvenient ways. 

Devi hasn’t truly dealt with the grief and complicated feelings over her dad’s death. But instead of processing the hard stuff, she does what a lot of us do — she focuses on what she wants to see instead of what’s actually there.

A COYOTE IN THE GARDEN

“... gotten drunk with the popular kids” is a bigger character study on Devi and her grief than the episodes we’ve seen thus far. We get flashbacks to when Devi was young and Mohan planted a garden. Mohan was thrilled with the crop: a single tomato. In the present day though, Nalini asks Devi to tend to the garden. When Devi gets outside, she’s initially frustrated until she’s overcome with memories. Her grief causes her to run away.

But then something odd happens. Devi meets a coyote in the garden and she’s convinced that it’s the spirit of her father. When she tells Dr. Ryan about this revelation, the woman is initially excited that Devi seems to be processing her grief. She acknowledges that we often see our loved ones in many different things and images. But Devi is insistent that she’s not seeing her father in a metaphorical sense; she’s seeing him literally in the form of a coyote. 

Dr. Ryan is concerned, of course, that Devi isn’t truly processing her feelings and emotions (because she’s not, at least not fully yet); Devi is more concerned with figuring our where she stands with Paxton. If you remember from the previous episode, Devi is letting Fabiola and Eleanor assume that she and Paxton are dating and hooking up constantly. Devi continues that lie in this week’s episode, and Paxton is aiding her (unknowingly, of course). When he chooses her for a group project, Devi assumes Paxton wants to actually spend more time with her and get to know her. Meanwhile the real reason he wants her in the group? She’s smart and she’ll help them get a good grade.

As much as she waffles back and forth in the episode, Devi does want to spend time with Paxton. So she accepts his attention, not really interrogating the reasoning. When Trevor, the other group member, throws a party, Devi shows up even though she technically wasn’t invited. Paxton seems thrilled to see her… until he goes off to flirt with another girl. Devi, upset, gets drunk and stumbles into the backyard where she sees the same coyote from earlier.

She thinks it’s her dad, gets too close, and the coyote mauls her. Paxton is the one to bring Devi to the hospital where she realizes that Paxton may actually be starting to like her as a person and a friend.

It’s a sweet moment for sure because Paxton is generally a decent person. He’s a teenager and Devi is too so of course they’re bound to mess up and hurt each others’ feelings. But the fact that Paxton actually chooses to spend time with Devi is quite sweet. 

Devi, meanwhile, is complicated at this point in the show. She has opportunities to tell the truth to Fabiola and Eleanor but she’s too wrapped up in her own world and getting attention. Of course, she’s a teenager so this is normal behavior but we’re going to watch this behavior implode in a few episodes. Just like a parallel to Kamala’s storyline (where she decides to secretly date Steve even though she’s being set up by her parents), we’ll learn soon in Never Have I Ever that secrets don’t make friends. Oh yeah, and unresolved issues? They’ll rear their ugly heads sooner or later so we need to be prepared when they do.

Favorite things:

• I love the opening of this episode with the girls doing a Tik Tok.
• “I saw someone eating pasta out of a bucket.”
• “Wait, is this also a murder mystery? What is this show?”
• “Have you partnered with stupid people?”
• “Shouldn’t you be counting your friends on two fingers?”
• This episode gives us more insight into Fabiola’s feelings for Eve and her trying to figure out her sexuality. For the first time, uses a robot to say the words: “I’m gay.” It’s a safe way for Fabiola to admit what she hasn’t been able to really say to anyone, including herself.
• “I just watched 16 hours of Riverdale.”

What did you think of this episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x02 Review: “... had sex with Paxton Hall-Yoshida” (Mopeds and Grief) [Contributor: Jenn]

“... had sex with Paxton Hall-Yoshida”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

Have you ever avoided something because it brings back bad or unwelcome memories?

For the longest time, I couldn’t go to certain bars or restaurants that reminded me of memories with ex-boyfriends. The places themselves weren’t the problem, but it felt like they were haunted by the ghosts of my past.

Never Have I Ever is, at its core, a teen comedy series about love, growing up, and making mistakes. But it’s also a lovely story about grief, trauma, healing, and family. Grief is messy. Trauma is painful and everyone handles it differently. Some people choose to avoid the things that even remotely remind them of hurt. And this is the first but not last episode of the show where we’ll begin to see how Devi and her mother handle their own trauma of losing Moahan.

TRAUMA AND RECOVERY

Devi spends most of the episode trying to avoid thinking about her father’s death and instead focus on something she wants to control: sleeping with Paxton. In a conversation with her therapist, Dr. Ryan aptly points out that while Devi is trying to avoid having to deal with the death of her father, she’s placing expectations on others that aren’t fair. Devi sees sleeping with Paxton Hall-Yoshida as a quick and easy fix to one of the problems she can easily and quickly control (being an uncool virgin); Dr. Ryan though reminds Devi that Paxton is a human not a concept or fix. He has his own emotions and baggage. But Devi is both too stubborn and young to actually hear Dr. Ryan.

And still, when presented with the opportunity to sleep with Paxton, Devi panics. She can’t go through with it. But it’s important to note what the trigger was for Devi finally confronting Paxton and going to his house — while she was in orchestra practice (her first one back since her father died at her last concert), Devi began to have flashbacks to the night of her dad’s death. The memories startled her so much that she literally ran out of the room looking for something to distract her.

When she goes into the bathroom at Paxton’s house to freshen up before their encounter, she meets Paxton’s sister, Rebecca, who’s a teenager with Down Syndrome. Devi is incredibly kind to her and even jokes with her a bit. But Paxton is thrown off by the encounter and immediately responds by kicking Devi out of his house.

Toward the end of the episode, Paxton shows up at Devi’s to explain his actions: he’s incredibly protective of his sister and always has been. Even people he’s considered to be his friends in the past have bullied her. Devi is understanding, and Paxton actually seems to start to soften a bit.

The most important part of this storyline is the idea that Devi’s avoidance of dealing with trauma will begin to snowball and that it starts with a lie. When Eleanor and Fabiola confront Devi, they assume that given the time spent with Paxton, she’s slept with him. Devi is forced with a decision: she can lie to her friends or she can come clean. She chooses the former, of course, and that’s not going to end up going over too well for her.

MEMORIES AND MOVING ON

This episode introduces us to more of Mohan and Nalini’s backstory which is both beautiful and heartbreaking. After Kamala trips over it and nearly injures herself, Nalini decides that it’s time to sell Mohan’s moped. But while Devi avoids thinking about memories of her father that make her sad, Nalini actually leans into them throughout the episode and it brings her a fresh sense of healing.

We see through flashbacks that Nalini was against Mohan purchasing the moped. Eventually we learn that Nalini suffered a miscarriage after Devi was born. In order to cheer her up, Mohan took her on a ride down the coast. And sure enough, that lifted Nalini’s spirits. In the present, Nalini recalls all of these memories and takes the moped out for a ride down the coast without telling anyone else.

I love that we get this brief side story with Nalini. We’re going to explore her character more as the series goes on, especially her conflict with Devi. This story was an amazing and subtle way to remind us that Nalini lost the love of her life and that she’s processing as much grief as Devi is, even if she doesn’t express it in the same way.

We all deal with grief. And this is just the beginning for the Vishwakumar family to unspool and process theirs.

Favorite things:

• I do love that every episode is the last part of a sentence meant to begin with the show’s title. 
• “You have the beauty of Priyanka Chopra with the incisive intellect of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”
• “If you were ready to bone, you wouldn’t use the phrase ‘ready to bone.’”
• “But let’s just say she wouldn’t get points for accuracy.”
• “Woah, Paxton speaks Japanese? Guess his last name makes more sense now.”
• “My mom’s super pissed at me and now she won’t make us any snacks.”
• This episode kicks off a lie that will follow Devi throughout the rest of the series. RUH-ROH.
• “I missed it too. I was talking to you guys!”
• “... Okay that was dark.”
• “You’re gross, Gross. But thanks.”

What did you think of this episode? Sound off in the comments below!

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Never Have I Ever 1x01 Review: "Pilot" (A Coming-of-Age Comedy) [Contributor: Jenn]

“Pilot”

Original Airdate: April 27, 2020

Do you remember what your high school experience was like?

Whether you had a great one or a downright unbearable one, I think we can all agree that high school is awkward. You’re still trying to figure out who you are, what you like, and who you want to become in the future. You know nothing about love and relationships, and you don’t have that much experience in the world yet. But that doesn’t mean high school students don’t know trauma or grief. And that’s something Devi Vishwakumar (Maitreyi Ramakrishnan) knows firsthand.

When we open Never Have I Ever, narrator John McEnroe (just go with it; it’ll be explained later on) tells us the story of Devi, a 15-year old high school sophomore who had a terrible freshman year. Her father had a heart attack and died at a recital. And then with no medical explanation apart from grief and trauma, Devi’s legs stopped working which left her confined to a wheelchair. Not the ideal freshman experience by any means.

But Devi’s a sophomore now who is no longer wheelchair-bound, and is ready to reinvent herself. She decides the first step to improving her life and the lives of her best friends Fabiola (Lee Rodriguez) and Eleanor (Ramona Young) is for them all to get boyfriends. Her reasoning is that boyfriends are stepping stones to popularity. The boys don’t have to be perfect — they just have to give the girls enough credibility to get popular. Devi tells the girls she’s setting her sights on a flamboyant and not technically out boy named Jonah, but in reality she’s crushing hard for Paxton Hall-Yoshida (Darren Barnet). And at the end of this episode, she decides to ask him to sleep with her. 

Devi is obsessed with her plan to gain popularity and have a “normal” high-school existence. She doesn’t want to do the work to emotionally process the trauma of her father’s death — even when her therapist (played by Niecy Nash) recommends that Devi begin journaling. Instead of working through her feelings, Devi prefers to try and control her life. She prides herself on success and this area should be no different.

A PROTAGONIST WITH FLAWS

The thing about Devi is that in the pilot, and as the series progresses, we don’t always have to root for her. She’s flawed and she’s also a teenager. When she chooses to say or do things, when she makes choices that we as audience members cringe at, we’re reminded that she doesn’t know enough about life to be self-aware. It’s frustrating in the pilot to see Devi’s reaction to the news that Eleanor has a boyfriend (and that Fabiola knew). Eleanor dating a theatre tech was not part of Devi’s plan to make them all popular or cool; it was, however, something that Eleanor and Fabiola hid from Devi because they knew she would overreact. You’d think Devi would be happy: Eleanor has a boyfriend.

But it’s not about Eleanor’s happiness; it’s about Devi’s desire for control. She storms out, irate, while John McEnroe talks about them essentially both being passionate and hot-tempered individuals. 

As Never Have I Ever continues, we’re going to see exactly how flawed Devi is, how much her selfish actions and lies hurt others... especially her best friends. But for now, the pilot is an example of how Devi doesn’t have the proper perspective yet that she needs to grow.

A lot of Never Have I Ever is about Devi, her attempt to navigate high school, and her friendships. But the core of the show is family and we’ll see a lot more in the coming episodes focused on Devi’s relationship with her mother and cousin Kamala. But in the pilot, we get the chance to see their dynamics a little. Kamala is a beautiful PhD student at Caltech. There’s not clear reasoning as to why Devi dislikes Kamala so much, but we can read between the lines: she’s the perfect Indian woman. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s motivated, she’s set to have an arranged marriage, and she’s also just a perfectly nice person! She’s trying, and Devi thinks she’s trying too hard. Kamala is, in the teenager’s mind, imposing on her way of life and also setting an impossible standard to live up to in her family. I get it. And as we learn more about Devi’s relationship with her mom, we’ll discover more about family grief and trauma.

Never Have I Ever is such a delightful comedy and I can’t wait to continue to unpack it with you all!

Favorite things:

• I love that John McEnroe is the narrator for this show. I will never NOT love it.
• “Not a super chill time to be a brown person in America.”
• “Sociopaths get shit done, Fab.”
• “Your responses were very hurtful.”
• I just love Kamala and she only grows on me as the series progresses.

What did you all think of the pilot? Sound off in the comments below!

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