Sunday, January 13, 2019

Brooklyn Nine-Nine 6x01 Recap: “Honeymoon” (What’s Up, Beaches?) [Contributor: Alisa Williams]


“Honeymoon”
Original Airdate: January 10, 2019

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE IS BACK, BABY! Wow, what drama we had last year with the series being cancelled by Fox and then picked up by NBC and all of the craziness in between with both mega-stars and regular ol’ fans rallying for the show’s survival. Needless to say, the season six premiere has been greatly anticipated for MONTHS now. Well, it FINALLY aired and it was everything fans were hoping for — and more! Let’s get to it!

We pick up right where we left off in season five: at the after party for Jake and Amy’s wedding. Captain Holt has just received an email letting him know the outcome of his quest to become the city commissioner. At first, Holt tells the team he got the job, but when he reads the email again, out loud this time, he realizes he misread it the first time, and he did NOT get the commissioner gig. Jake only heard the first announcement and ran off to get a boombox and comes back dancing, only to find that the party has officially died with this bad news.

Holt decides to take some personal time, leaving Terry in charge of the Nine-Nine in his absence. As Terry’s doing morning announcements, Jake and Amy burst in with great news: thanks to Amy purchasing wedding insurance before the big day, they have been completely refunded for their disastrous nuptials and can now take a super fancy honeymoon to Posadita Bonita, an exotic beach in Mexico that Gina’s always going on and on about.

There’s trouble in paradise, however. They’ve only just arrived when they spot Captain Holt sipping a cocktail and wearing questionable beach attire. Apparently Holt was so distraught at John Kelly being chosen as commissioner over him that he jumped on a plane and headed to Mexico without even packing a bag. He bought a bundle of novelty shirts at a local tourist shop, all with humorous phrases (the hot pink number he’s wearing when Amy and Jake find him says, “What’s Up, Beaches?”). When Amy points out that he hates humor, he tells her that he’s a joke now, after losing to someone so unqualified, so it suits him. Kelly’s plans for the city are outdated and problematic, and Holt feels hopeless about the whole thing. So, he came to Mexico, to the place Gina’s always going on about, and has been here ever since. He had no idea they’d be honeymooning here.

Holt tells them not to mind him, he’ll avoid them so they can enjoy their honeymoon in peace. Unfortunately, Posadita Bonita — in addition to being extravagantly priced — is also extremely small and intimate, so it’s impossible to not run into Holt everywhere they turn. There he is, eating alone at dinner, in a t-shirt with faux abs. There he is in the pool, literally bumping into them with his inflatable raft, and there he is popping into their room during an intimate massage, his shirt loudly announcing that he is “DTF: Down to Fiesta.”

At the precinct, things are not going as smoothly as Terry hoped. Gina and Boyle are fighting because Boyle just found out that Gina’s mom left Boyle’s father, and they’re getting divorced. Boyle’s determined to get them back together but Gina refuses to help, and she refuses to tell Boyle why they broke up, even though she knows. Boyle is outraged — how can he fix their relationship if he doesn’t know what caused the break-up?

Rosa’s having a difficult time, too. Sanitation is trying to steal a case she’s been working on and so she goes to Terry for help, but everything he suggests Rosa’s either already tried or quickly points out why it won’t work. Terry is stumped. Sanitation has already threatened to file a formal complaint with the mayor if Rosa won’t hand over the case, so they have to tread lightly. Rosa mentions that Holt was writing an instruction manual for his replacement in case he got the commissioner job, but Terry refuses to read it, saying he doesn’t need an instruction manual to take on the captain’s role.

Back on the beach, Amy and Jake feel so bad for Holt they decide to invite him to join them for the rest of their honeymoon, but this turns out to be a spectacularly bad idea. All of the activities they’re signed up for are clearly for couples, from the “Sensual Food Tasting: The Art of Feeding Your Lover” to spa treatments to a hot tub strewn with flower petals. Despite the awkwardness, Holt decides that he’s sufficiently over losing out on the commissioner job and will head home.

At first, Jake and Amy are thrilled to hear that Holt is headed home, but then Jake runs into Holt as he’s about to head out and Holt tells him he’s only heading home so he can quit the NYPD forever. Jake panics and decides to stall Holt’s departure so he misses his flight. He rushes Holt into his hotel room, only to find Amy’s waiting with a “sexy” surprise: she’s laid out candles and rose petals, and best of all, she’s dressed up as Bonnie Bedelia from Die Hard.

Since Holt can’t be reasoned with, they decide to tie him to the bed to prevent him from leaving. They find what they need in the “Lover’s Toolbox” that Boyle sent to them at the resort, or as Amy likes to call it, “Boyle’s Box of Nightmares.” They try several tactics to get Holt to agree to stay on as Captain of the Nine-Nine. They remind him that Kelly is old and when he retires, Holt can try for commissioner again. They remind him of all the goals he still has left to accomplish for the Nine-Nine. Jake even tells Holt he can’t quit because Jake needs him and Holt is the whole reason he loves going to work each day, but Holt just calls him selfish.

That’s when Amy finally explodes, telling Holt he’s the one being selfish, wallowing in self pity and ruining their honeymoon while they did everything to cheer him up. Amy says after five years of caring so much about Holt and making him happy, she’s all out of hoots to give, and doesn't care what he does. She and Jake storm off, leaving Holt tied to the bed.

Meanwhile, Terry finally gives in and goes in search of Holt’s captain’s manual so he can best advise Rosa on her problem. He looks everywhere for the password to Holt’s computer, figuring the manual is on there, but can’t find it. At Rosa’s suggestion, he guesses something really simple, but the computer immediately locks him out and gives a scary warning that the hard drive will be deleted. Terry panics and throws the laptop against the wall.

After painstakingly rebuilding the laptop, Rosa asks if Terry’s checked to see if Holt saved the manual to the cloud. Terry has not checked, so he then tries to log into Holt’s cloud account by saying he forgot the password and then answering the security question. But this is Holt we’re talking about, so his question is “What is God?” and even after deep-diving into some philosophy textbooks, Terry is stuck. Fortunately, Rosa finds a hard copy of the manual (unsurprisingly, Gina had it all along), and shows Terry a section he should read, which says that if anyone is ever unsure what to do, they should consult Terry, because Holt trusts him completely. That gives Terry the confidence he needs to solve Rosa’s problem in a way that will make everyone happy.

While Terry and Rosa work through that, Boyle sends Scully to distract Gina so he can try to unlock her phone using a mask of her face. When Gina finds Boyle, he manages to unlock the phone when she tries to grab it. He finds a text exchange between Gina and her mom, where Gina is convincing her mom to divorce Boyle’s dad, but to not tell him why. Boyle is furious with Gina, and she’s forced to come clean about the whole thing; she tells Boyle that her mom had been cheating on his dad. Gina convinced her mom to end her marriage without explanation, which Gina thought would hurt less than coming clean about the affair. Boyle realizes that Gina was just trying to protect his dad from further hurt.

Over in Mexico, Holt has managed to escape his restraints using some of the lubricant from Boyle’s “Lover’s Toolbox” and finds Amy and Jake to ask their forgiveness for his behavior. Holt says while he was tied up, he realized that even though Kelly got the job and is planning to implement regressive policies for the city, he’s not out of options. He’s going to go directly to the mayor and tell him what he thinks of Kelly’s plan, and if the mayor isn’t receptive, he’ll go straight to press with his opinions.

Holt heads back to the city, and Amy and Jake finish out their honeymoon in peace. When they all arrive back in the office on Monday, Amy and Jake run into Holt at the elevators and ask how it went with the mayor. It went well, and the mayor has put Commissioner Kelly’s proposed policy under review. To retaliate, Kelly closed the bottom floor of the Nine-Nine for “renovations” indefinitely, meaning everyone has been moved into the bullpen. “The Nine-Nine is at war with the NYPD,” says Holt ominously as the elevator doors open onto complete chaos.

Bullets on the Bulletin Board:
  • “Boyles don’t ‘get over it.’ It becomes part of us. It lives within us.”
  • “I tried to suck it up and go back to work. I put on my uniform and got in my car, but next thing I knew I was on a plane to Mexico.” 
  • “Don’t worry, I’m not listening to you. I’m just thinking about how this sea bass is cold. But not as cold and cruel as the hands of fate that have thrust my entire life into darkness.”
  • “I love how the mud revitalizes my skin.” “And I love how it masks my shame.” 
  • “I’m all out of hoots! I’m hootless!”

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